Supporter Husband With Ptsd - Trying To Find My Way

[grimalkin]

Hi there - I'm new to the lingo of this site (and PTSD in general?), but I'm hoping it will be a good place to support the supporter, as it were, and to learn more about PTSD, and hopefully, even figure out how to save my marriage.

My husband (46, a veteran, though the PTSD as far as I know is not related to his service, married twice before) was diagnosed with PTSD after an injury at work medically retired him. Through a long journey (including talk therapy for that trauma), we are in marriage counseling, and it has (finally) come out that he also has PTSD related to childhood trauma, which he has not dealt with in association with a professional, and he's not at a point where he wants to. I triggered him (without knowing), it festered because I didn't know, we started counseling, and he's not sure he wants to forgive me.

I'm 42, married once before, have enough training as a psychologist to be dangerous (was working on a degree, decided it wasn't for me, I do have a degree in English), have my own anxiety and depression issues (which are largely managed with medication, but I will be seeing an individual counselor to help me get through this), and am completely pissed off at this mental heath monster that is PTSD.

We've been together for 7.5 years, and married for almost 6 years, though if he has his way, that will be done before we hit number 6. No kids, he has three from his previous marriages.

 

[Seasounds]

Hello and welcome! I hope you find good ideas and support on this forum. This is a tremendous place, in which to get information and ask questions. Have fun exploring!

I'm sure you didn't mean to trigger your husband; so I hope you forgive yourself and know you are a good person, whatever he may be going through. Don't take PTSD eggshells too seriously; if you can, I hope you find or have friends with whom you can laugh.

You're smart to be connected to therapeutic support; it is handy to have a constant support when a mate with PTSD can be moody. I've done the same, for my own sanity.

Care and warmth to you.:hug:

 

[intothelight]

@grimalkin Welcome and this is a good place to learn about PTSD. However, most importantly this is a good place to also find support for yourself as PTSD also takes a toll on family members, especially spouses and significant others.

 

[Sophie's Daddy]

Yes, welcome to this site; I'm new, too and have found a wonderful abundance of information, inspiration and support.

Though cptsd symptoms were the death knell for both my own marriages, I am glad to finally have learned cptsd was the cause,

Like your husband, I was 46 before I could put a name on my problems; borderline personality disorder, which was a powerful byproduct of my young trauma.

I'm glad you're here to read and learn and share, too. Knowledge is power and I've found a whole lot of that here - I hope you do, too!

 

[grimalkin]

Thank you, folks. I support him already, I know I need to learn how to do so without causing more damage.

And I know I'm no good to anyone if I can't be healthy myself. :) The more I see here, the more I hope there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and it's not a train!

 

[ClarySage]

Hi there - I'm new to the lingo of this site (and PTSD in general?), but I'm hoping it will be a good...

Hi Grimalkin -- I am new here too, as of today, and usually just read my way around online sites but felt I wanted to respond to you. Our situations share some similarities; my husband is 52, has been out of the military for more than 20 years, and PTSD just surfaced in a big way this past summer, and has turned our life together inside out. And it's a combination of military experiences and childhood trauma. He is in therapy, thankfully -- he was terrified by the onset and how utterly miserable he feels -- and now I am in therapy too, as our relationship has suffered greatly. Neither of our therapists seem experienced in PTSD, though. Strangely enough, the psychologist at our local VA clinic is our son's old girlfriend! -- so he doesn't feel he can go there ("it would be just too weird!").
He has turned into someone who is overwhelmed with anxiety, numb, withdrawn, a vacant look on his face much of the time, and there is zero affection any more coming from him. I too have my own issues with anxiety, depression, and fear of abandonment, and they are being triggered by all of this. I want to be strong and supportive, but all too often I am feeling scared, lonely, and sometimes angry. The thought that this could be the way it is for the rest of our lives depresses me beyond belief.
Hoping to find some encouragement and support here ... hope you will too.