I Can't Avoid Triggers For Flashbacks

[Strongereveryday]

Hey everyone,
I am writing a book about some of my traumatic experiences and with my ptsd I am having flashbacks. However, I am really determined to keep going. My last flashback lasted a whole day and it was very persistent, left me unable to do my regular work, errands, etc. I was very shaken up and pretty much nearly gave up on life altogether. But I discovered that in that flashback some harsh feelings and emotions were finally expressed or at least understood.
I heard that ptsd survivors should avoid triggers, so that they don't get into flashbacks. My entire book project is filled with kinds of traumatic memories which can cause flashbacks - its unavoidable.
I am currently seeing an EMDR therapist and have support for my passive suicidal ideation. I have a wonderful supportive new family and an incredible husband.
I am sort of caught between the need to tell my story (and stand up for that injured part of self) & wanting to properly heal. I am hoping that writing this book will help me heal. But I am also, scared that it will prevent me from healing.
So my question is: Should I give it up altogether or should I keep going?

 

[Yasukuni]

Maybe write a part of your book with the part that you are healing at the moment? After you did most of your recovery work and feel stronger maybe then you can put it together as a book? You can always pause a bit and go on. I know I have a lot of trouble being patient about my healing because I want to create lots of art about it but can't at the moment because my creative brainpart is often so hijacked by the trauma's but I don't think I have a choice. And about avoiding triggers.. thats like avoiding life. Its about reducing the effects of it, I think. Wish you much strength on your journey

 

[HealinginHisWings]

Write. I noticed that when I finally talk about what is really wrong with me, then it effects me less. I agree with the other comment, you can't avoid triggers, you can't avoid life, face them and lessen the effects they have on you, it is a healing process, allow yourself to heal. Remind your family that you are in that healing process. With their support it can be helpful, though even if you don't have support from your family, like my situation, you can still choose healing. Be proud of yourself that you are facing your PTS.

 

[Strongereveryday]

Maybe write a part of your book with the part that you are healing at the moment? After you did most o...

Thank you very much for your reply! I appreciate your advice! And in fact, I started writing about my feelings, noting my own real thoughts after you suggested it. It wasn't easy, but actually very important. I can't explain how exactly, but writing my own poetry, freeform writing gave me my own voice to lean on. And it is also an instant emotional reminder of how I truly feel. Not getting lost in toxic shame or old programming. Or at least I can reread it again and again until the negative wears out. Sort of hearing myself underneath it all.
Thank you again! That was a really good piece of advice.

 

[Strongereveryday]

Write. I noticed that when I finally talk about what is really wrong with me, then it effects...

Thank you for your reply. I agree that triggers are just life (my therapist totally agreed). I am so sorry you don't have a family to lean on. I hope you can create a family of friends. My birth family totally rejected me after decades of me trying to build common ground or find understanding (only I was the one who was compromising everything). Luckily I found a partner and friends who are on my side and it was just a pure lucky accident (but I am extremely grateful). I wish you find devoted people in your life! And thank you for reminding me to be proud about the fight. Its easy to hide for me, so speaking about it is scary, but ultimately good. Have a good night/morning/day.

 

[Strongereveryday]

Maybe write a part of your book with the part that you are healing at the moment? After you did most o...

I am also glad that you too are an artist. Hope you can navigate your heart through rough times and express it in your art. I like your picture. Is it your work? I love the black and white contrast. Very powerful. For me I am just piecing myself together every day and some days it works. Have a lovely day & stay strong and creative.

 

[HealinginHisWings]

Thank you very much for your reply! I appreciate your advice! And in fact, I started writing a...

I'm a writer myself so I understand. It took me years to figure out that even speaking truth outloud about the pain instead of letting myself cover it up with anxiety, lessened the anxiety. I've always used art and poetry for healing. Then I stopped, due to depression and PTS etc. I used to say if I am not using those gifts, I'll go crazy, it's kind of true. Anyway, even talking through pain honestly to yourself in written word or out loud is helpful for healing. Talk to who you trust if you need to too. As a Christian, I pray also quietly or out loud, I know I am not alone in my flashbacks.
When flashbacks are too real, sometimes I have to be reminded that I am not in the past from a family member that cares, so I can stop the trigger from causing an interruption in my day too. Sometimes, it's ok though, cry it out if you have to.

 

[HealinginHisWings]

Thank you for your reply. I agree that triggers are just life (my therapist totally agreed). I...

Mostly my children actually understand what I am going through, as I have taught them, so they are really great.

 

[Strongereveryday]

Thank you for replying! I couldn't agree more that not expressing your self - can drive one insane! For some of us its just what we do - write, draw or sing. Anything. Thank you for sharing that praying helps. For me, meditation is key and may be in some ways it's all the same. And you are right, that a reminder from someone about present reality helps! So true!
And I am glad, I am not the only one whose days can be interrupted by flashbacks. I just felt so inadequate + ashamed that I can't function sometimes. But hey, acceptance takes practice & we are all works in progress :)

Thank you again & I am glad you have understanding souls around you.

Sending love to you & light!

Mostly my children actually understand what I am going through, as I have taught them, so the...