How Do People Feel Hearing 'details' ?

[Tinyflame]

I chose to take my finger off the self-destruct button so that I could take control of my own life and get it back on track and be the person that I was happy to be.

Thank you @Richie , I see exactly & agree. I did not think you would respond, I sound whiny (I believe I do), I agree it's up to me to take my finger off the button. Idk if it's on the button, or maybe I want it on the button 'for me', or if I dump on others- I try not to. (In fact, I figure limited contact decreases the chances I will.) However, I do know my reactive or 'reptilian' brain has a harder time believing my logical one.

Thank you. :hug:

 

[tontoe]

My experience of trying to explain CPTSD to others has been pretty mixed - but mostly not positive

The only person I've felt safe discussing details with has been my therapist; think my siblings would find them difficult to handle, as would friends. Maybe that says something about me and my capability of forming friendships or choice of friends...?

 

[Tinyflame]

Thank you @tontoe , yes I wouldn't expect positive. I must say it's mortifying the thought of to share, and I only speak up (in an educational, non-revealing way), when I see others treated with ignorance. :( :cry:

I sometimes feel this makes me less authentic, as I'm hiding a part of myself and not being really "me" with folks, but I'm careful now [perhaps too careful and I underestimate people's likely empathy/understanding] about who I reveal this to.

In a way this is me; 'unauthentic' in the way of if you knew what I 'am', you (aka anyone) would think differently. But, also maybe 'hoping' is there something that could be said to make it right? Knowing (thinking) nothing would, that's naive and everything would change (In a bad way). :( Thank you. :notworthy: :hug:

(Ps- that's funny.. , I always forget to include 'Josephine', :roflmao: )

@recoveringfromptsd thank you. :hug: OMG that's brave. But it would be oh-so-not-happening-on-so-many-levels for me. And that would be a good thing/ sane choice. Plus there was a person in the family.

 

[Tinyflame]

Maybe that says something about me and my capability of forming friendships or choice of friends...?

Oh my @tontoe , I don't know what to say, I can't even wrap my mind around that ^^. :( I have had help essentially professionally, but mostly would not have disclosed much of what I have without the friendship. Is it being a better friend to not disclose?, I'm inclined to think so, s per myself..

I suppose I also think it might just show what an awful, f'ed up, person I am, and be insurmountable (dueto no fault of their own, just me).

My life and experiences have been a mixed bag.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

@Junebug it did help that during thanksgiving when I was there for the holiday, I was reading "coping with trauma related dissociation", and one of cousins saw the book title, turns out she did a paper on PTSD and DID in her college studies for a psych class she as taking. So she understood. They all do now, when I was there at xmas, they even had a frozen orange in freezer waiting for me in case i needed it for grounding, and it turns out I did end up using it."

 

[Tinyflame]

This was an excellent article I just recently saw a really kind person I know printed, not wrote (professionally):

Dead Link Removed

Very wise, very realistically-based.

(And I think, with ptsd it's like, "Holy Hell, I know what is bizarre or too much, at least at some level or usually eventually - too much reaction, fear, etc- but believing it's not valid, and being 'normal', is near impossible (for me). :( )

 

[Tinyflame]

I'm so glad @recoveringfromptsd . :hug:

 

[tontoe]

Lots of resonance here...

I mean beat what you are going through now but do that for you rather than anyone else.

I like this :)

I sound whiny (I believe I do)

Hope you don't mind me saying this, but I don't think you sound whiny at all. I often beat myself up about sounding like a whinger and it's good to know other people experience the same self-flagellation from what Pete Walker calls the inner critic...
Which leads me on to:

my reactive or 'reptilian' brain has a harder time believing my logical one.

My reptilian fight/flight/freeze brain makes everything dark or bright, either/or with no shades of grey or nuance. It's a tough one to fight because it's so primal and doesn't respond to logic language or reason.
For me, I think it's the seat of my inner critic... which right now is chuntering away in the background disastrisising how crazy Joe/Josephine Public would think I was, should I attempt to explain this to him/her. Which of course I don't need to do :)

 

[Tinyflame]

Wow, well thank you, yes, 'whiny' as in 'drown-that-chick (me)-in-the-river-STFU-annoying' kind of way! :(

My reptilian fight/flight/freeze brain makes everything dark or bright, either/or with no shades of grey or nuance. It's a tough one to fight because it's so primal and doesn't respond to logic language or reason. For me, I think it's the seat of my inner critic... which right now is chuntering away in the background disastrisising how crazy Joe/Josephine Public would think I was, should I attempt to explain this to him/her. Which of course I don't need to do :)

That's an amazing thing to say. :hug: I think most of my primal brain is dark since that's what was necessary- maybe?

Well, in the past even overhearing the 'words' of such topics would have sent me flee-ing.

Ps, your last line- I remember- my friend said 'protect (my) heart', re: disclosure, and other-wise.

Hugs to you all. :hug:

 

[Tinyflame]

Ps @Richie I can't find the words to quote, but I'd prefer (it's 'me') to be kind, gentle/ not a burden/ in the way etc etc. So that is 'me'.

:hug:

 

[tontoe]

everything dark or bright

should have said "everything completely dark or completely bright

 

[Richie]

please do not concern yourself about how you say things. I am not here to nitpick on grammatical details. I know how cautious you get when you talk about sensitive issues and I can only relate to depression. That is only one part of what you and everyone else is going through. Having said that, I am now getting a little taste of fearing sleep but I think it is different to nightmares and definitely not night terrors so it is not comparable here on this forum.
try and relax a little and say what you want to say. It is better to get it off your chest than have it eat away at you.