turtlemoon
Bronze Member
So... I really don't like talking about this night. I blame myself so much. Did my best to drown it out and hide it away, but I am having flashbacks to it now and I need some input. Was this... or wasn't this?
I was a teenager, maybe about 18 or so. Hanging out at a local coffee shop, met a guy. He gave me a beer, we get to talking and he invited me to go jump in the lake. Thinking eh, sure why not. Lake Superior is hardly an aphrodisiac, and back in those days I was always up for an icy cold swim. A girl I sort of knew, but who had always been very rude and catty to me warned me against it. I asked her why, and she wouldn't say anything. I honestly thought she was just still being catty. I was pretty sure I could handle myself.
Anyways, we go off. Have our swim, a couple more beers. He tries to kiss me, I deflect it and wander down the beach some. It was getting late, he offers me a back rub. I told him something like eh, sounds good but I really need to get back to town. He says ok, so we get in his car and go. But instead, he doesn't take us back. He drives further down the road and into the woods. Parks, tries to kiss me. I resist, he insists, I give in. I told him I thought we were going to town, he brings up the backrub. At this point, I really do not want to get stranded in the woods, and was a little drunk on top of it. We get out of the car, he has me lay down. Starts rubbing my back. Within a few minutes, he had my skirt down and started having anal sex with me. He didn't ask. I had no clue what was about to happen. I was shocked, scared, and it hurt. I had never had a man like that before. I didn't know what to do, and that girl's voice was in my head with her last words to me before I left with him, telling me whatever happened was my fault and don't feel bad about whatever you get. And god help me... I don't remember exactly what I said or didn't say. I can't be sure if I even said to stop. I think I did, something like what are you doing that hurts. He shushed me and told me to relax and hold still. But it hurt to much. I rolled over on my back and begged him not there, and he finished in my vagina. Then drove me home. Worse, for a moment I tried to convince myself that maybe he just liked me. I couldn't handle the idea of... well, you know. I talked to that same girl about it. I still remember how coldly she told me it was just sex, and then this dread realization that no... no it wasn't. It was worse.
All of this stuff is coming up now for me, and I have told so few people about this. It wasn't until years later that I spelled out the details to anyone. Only a few people know, and this is the first time I have told everything. Was... was this assault?
I was a teenager, maybe about 18 or so. Hanging out at a local coffee shop, met a guy. He gave me a beer, we get to talking and he invited me to go jump in the lake. Thinking eh, sure why not. Lake Superior is hardly an aphrodisiac, and back in those days I was always up for an icy cold swim. A girl I sort of knew, but who had always been very rude and catty to me warned me against it. I asked her why, and she wouldn't say anything. I honestly thought she was just still being catty. I was pretty sure I could handle myself.
Anyways, we go off. Have our swim, a couple more beers. He tries to kiss me, I deflect it and wander down the beach some. It was getting late, he offers me a back rub. I told him something like eh, sounds good but I really need to get back to town. He says ok, so we get in his car and go. But instead, he doesn't take us back. He drives further down the road and into the woods. Parks, tries to kiss me. I resist, he insists, I give in. I told him I thought we were going to town, he brings up the backrub. At this point, I really do not want to get stranded in the woods, and was a little drunk on top of it. We get out of the car, he has me lay down. Starts rubbing my back. Within a few minutes, he had my skirt down and started having anal sex with me. He didn't ask. I had no clue what was about to happen. I was shocked, scared, and it hurt. I had never had a man like that before. I didn't know what to do, and that girl's voice was in my head with her last words to me before I left with him, telling me whatever happened was my fault and don't feel bad about whatever you get. And god help me... I don't remember exactly what I said or didn't say. I can't be sure if I even said to stop. I think I did, something like what are you doing that hurts. He shushed me and told me to relax and hold still. But it hurt to much. I rolled over on my back and begged him not there, and he finished in my vagina. Then drove me home. Worse, for a moment I tried to convince myself that maybe he just liked me. I couldn't handle the idea of... well, you know. I talked to that same girl about it. I still remember how coldly she told me it was just sex, and then this dread realization that no... no it wasn't. It was worse.
All of this stuff is coming up now for me, and I have told so few people about this. It wasn't until years later that I spelled out the details to anyone. Only a few people know, and this is the first time I have told everything. Was... was this assault?
