My Hyper Vigilance Making Me Hit A Brickwall In A Dbt Module

[recoveringfromptsd]

In the distress tolerance module Handout 13 "Willingness" assigned as homework in DBT group, I am start to get upset and having some bad thoughts because I can't complete this assignment.

The problem is Willfulness is insisting on being in control and the next box which has When willfulness is immovable ask "what's the threat?"

Problem is my hypervigilance is 24/7 and is immovable and the answer to "Whats the threat" is "not being in control is the threat." My hypervigilance requires me to be in control its the only way my mind feels safe.

I am really distressed over this, as it goes right to the core of my hypervigilance and the hell it has made my life.

 

[Jordash]

I was in dbt for three months and could never do my homework. Throughout the week I would pull it out and try to complete the assignment, but I can't see my self doing any of it. I was pulled out of group because it triggered me every week until I ended up in the ER. You may not be ready for group yet.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

So far I have done the home work, but this goes to the heart of how my hypervigilance works, and you can't just turn that off when its been on 24/7 for over 35 years.

I have gotten triggered too but I bring frozen oranges to group and any of my therapy sessions. I can get grounded pretty quickly.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

I hate the bad feeling that came with this assignment, this is so hard and so painful a process, part of me feels like giving up.

 

[joeylittle]

Don't give up. Sometimes yes - you'll run into things that are too big to just take apart in one go. Core beliefs are tough.

One thing that can help is continuing the questions all the way to something small - so, you said that losing control is the threat. I'd then ask, what's one kind of losing control - just one. See if you can find ways to chip apart those core belief issues one very small bit at a time.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

so, you said that losing control is the threat

Not losing control, NOT HAVING control is a threat. My mind has to know the world around me that I am functioning in is safe.

 

[joeylittle]

My mind has to know the world around me that I am functioning in is safe.

Gotcha.

Can you give me an example of how you know the world around you is safe?

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

I don't, and it isnt , but if I have some control over it, it's closer to my comfort zone. Out side of it makes me crazy.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

@joeylittle The very fact that this is destabilizing to me and is having this much affect on me demonstrates just how pervasive this is to me. It's putting out of my comfort zone and its making me crazy. I feel like crap thinking about it, even thought of just giving up.

 

[joeylittle]

if I have some control over it, it's closer to my comfort zone. Out side of it makes me crazy.

I understand. I'm still going to ask, can you give an example?

My hypervigilance requires me to be in control

What is one way that you can exercise control? Here's an example of my own: I travel for business a great deal. I had a problem about a year ago, my symptoms were really bad, and I actually could not just buy a plane ticket and take that flight. I needed to have multiple flight options - meaning, purchase multiple reservations - for the same day, because I had so much anxiety about the travel, I never knew when I would feel OK enough to go to the airport and try and get on the plane. I sometimes changed a reservation 6, 7, times.

That is an example of how my behavior was shaped by my anxiety.

So, how is your behavior shaped by hypervigilance?

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

Whenever things are within my control then I ok, but if its an unknown, something I don't have a hand in to influence the outcome then it often becomes a crisis depending on what's at stake. This assignment is a good example. It asked me to not be in my comfort zone. And just the mere suggestion of it is sending me of the deep end. The only way I can handle this is to not do it.

Another example: my primary care doc is leaving and we had a special relationship, there is another doc taking her place but I don't know how we will get along, this freaked me out, there was nothing I could do to change or influence, its all coming down without my having a hand in it. This made me crazy, its out of my comfort zone.

Another example: years ago, I was in a psych unit at a local community hospital, the doctor there wanted to take me off a medicine I felt was a life saver for me. Thus putting me in a situation where the outcome was unknown and could potentially harm me. The result of my reaction got me committed at the local state hospital. If he had come to me and logically convinced me it was the right thing and allow me to inject my own needs into it I would of have it in my comfort zone, but he did not, and the unknown got me committed.

 

[joeylittle]

my primary care doc is leaving and we had a special relationship, there is another doc taking her place but I don't know how we will get along, this freaked me out, there was nothing I could do to change or influence, its all coming down without my having a hand in it.

Great - these are great examples.

I picked the one, above, to ask a few more questions. There is a mini-technique that can be used for a lot of things - in this case, it can be used to identify the 'threat'.

What will happen if/And then?: Ask yourself, what will happen if the bad thing occurs - so, in this case:

• What will happen if you and the new doc don't get along? This answer is "1"
• And then, what will happen if (number 1) happens? - this answer is "2"
• And then, what will happen if (number 2) happens? - this answer is "3"

Personal example: pretty identical in some ways, actually. My psychiatrist left; she set me up with a replacement, and she was confident that we would be a good match. But my psychiatrist is the first really good one I've had, and I've been with her for awhile. So, I had a lot of emotion/thoughts around "what happens if she can't understand me?"
1) If she can't understand me, I will not trust her
2) If I don't trust her, I won't be able to see her
3) If I can't see her, I have to find someone else - and I don't know how. I'm scared.

So, when I got to (3), I realized that the issue - which can also be called the threat - is my fear of finding another doctor on my own. I could probably go farther with imagining the 'and then - such as "what if I can't find one?" - but that's actually a new chain of events. So, in terms of identifying what the threat is, so I can effectively challenge the thoughts/solve the problem, I only needed to get to "I don't know how and I'm scared".

Try and do your own version of the above, if you can. When you find yourself getting agitated - like, your SUDS goes up - take a break, do some distraction or self-soothing. Then come back to it.