Major Freak Out Moment

[honeypie058]

I apologize for this rant. I figured if I write it down I will be calmer.

I had a joint therapy session with my husband and I decided to tell him about the rape trauma. I wanted to make him understand that affection and physical touch is off limits especially since he was another part of my trauma. I am regretting it now. I wrote an email to my therapist about this but he won't get it until tomorrow.

This is what I wrote: I'm so messed up right now, jumping out of my skin. I'm freaking out don't know what to do. I can't sleep, Rapist and Husband will get me in my sleep. I shouldn't have told husband, he'll use it against me. What am going to do? I can't scrub their filth and scum out of me. They gave it to me. I'm scum and filth now. It's not fair!

I realize that most of what I wrote was irrational but this is what happens when my anxiety is through the roof. No rational thought. Am I crazy?

I appreciate being able to rant and get this out of my head. Thank you to anyone who reads this. I am a little calmer now.

 

[selfcompassion]

I apologize for this rant. I figured if I write it down I will be calmer.

I had a joint therapy s...

Are you doing EMDR?

 

[honeypie058]

Are you doing EMDR?

Yes, I am doing EMDR.

 

[selfcompassion]

Yes, I am doing EMDR.

EMDR can be very hard. It takes you back and you feel everything fresh. If done properly it can close the loop. Up leveling the traumatic feelings that were repressed and avoided is key to releasing them. This "feeling" your way to health is daunting but effective. It is hard because repressing and avoiding them comes naturally to survive the experience. Our symptoms come because they are still there stored waiting and wanting to be addressed.