Cutting Ties, Power, Admiration Of It

[Rani G2]

Its a way of thinking that I have been dealing with since a very long time.

Isolating myself isnt powerful. No. My rational mind knows this but, I have this somewhat illusional thinking that in the "not needing" I am powerful.

This all began to get more intense when someone I knew well, suddenly decided to end all relationships. The Person came back to the surface and said that the isolation was needful. I come across people who do this, and they appear "strong" because they show no interest in explaining themselves.

I know there is nothing heroic about that. They have their individual reasons for being that way.

Why do I think this is powerful???




Shankara

 

[Friday]

It's the power of the 'no', yes?

Relationships take 2. If 1 person decides at any time that they don't want to play anymore? There's nothing the other person can do. The other person can ask, argue, manipulate, hell, they could even kidnap them... But at the end of the day, without both people actively participating, there is no relationship. No trumps yes. Always.

Both people have that power (to say 'no' at any level, from taking their ball and going home to ending the relationship), but until either decides to activate it, the playing field is equal. Once either says 'no' the dynamic shifts.

 

[Rani G2]

Friday, whom I admire are those who dont feel the need to reach out ( This can be superficial, how do I truly know maybe some want to be seen in their dilemma).

I have a strong urge to reach out, but dont DO. I am doing the same thing.

The thing is, I find the very "wanting"to be weak

 

[ladee]

I understand. I have a hard time ,still, with this.
Can only speak for myself here. I still hate feeling vulnerable. So I will work on my stuff until I have exhausted all avenues before asking for help.
I don't place a "right or wrong" value on it. Its just how I do things.
And being powerless as a child and young adult..NO is a powerful word for me.
Don't know if this helped .

 

[Rani G2]

Can only speak for myself here. I still hate feeling vulnerable. So I will work on my stuff until I have exhausted all avenues before asking for help.

I can relate to this. I feel extremely vulnerable at times, issues with Selfworth and fearing others judgements. Its almost paranoid.

When I meet people I have a mask on and people think I'm confident, well spoken, tough. This facade breaks into pieces everytime I feel hurt.

I am almost obsessed with wanting to be dignified. This means, no showing of weakness, not being compromising....

 

[Rani G2]

Is it Ok to cry infront of others? I think this is weakness, and this happend to me.

I need to be eloquent at all times.

I dont want to call anyone and tell "I'm depressed, I cant do this". This is weakness.

I must be intelligent and unapologetic.

These are ideals I have...

 

[ladee]

Ideals or distorted cognitions? That is for you to decide.
What I wanted..and still want..is to be and feel like a human. Not a caged and wounded animal.
Humans just aren't created to be perfect. If that were so
....What would be left to learn.
And I have yet to meet someone who appears to have it all together,that I don't question to myself what goes on behind that mask.

 

[Friday]

The thing is, I find the very "wanting"to be weak

Trauma Lesson : If I don't want something? It can't be taken away.
Trauma Lesson : If I don't let someone know I want something? It can't be used as a weapon against me.

Trauma Lessons don't usually apply very well to (I'm hesitant to call it "real" life, trauma is as real as non-trauma) life outside of trauma. In fact, they often net the exact opposite result. <<< Wanting something, just as an example. If I let someone know I'm thirsty? In trauma that means water will be withheld, or poisoned, or used to taunt me. Outside of trauma? I'm offered a drink. Not only that, but asked for my preference as a matter of course. Oh! Sure thing! What kind would you like? :facepalm: :confused: :banghead:

hese are ideals I have...

Have you done much reading / work on "Core Beliefs"?

 

[Rani G2]

In trauma that means water will be withheld, or poisoned, or used to taunt me. Outside of trauma? I'm offered a drink.

You have the ability to identify the key problem. Thanks Friday.

 

[Rani G2]

Ideals or distorted cognitions?

Ladee these are distorted cognitions. Its extremely hard to undergo that pattern. Right now, I feel very vulnerable. And I see everything very black and white.

 

[Sophie's Daddy]

Crying in front of others is, if anything a show of strength. We may be vulnerable, or feel vulnerable when doing so, but I always remember that, as humans, we're both thinking AND feeling beings.

Just as reaching out to hug someone is-and may always be-difficult for me, there will likewise always be people I can just feel will be receptive.

Often, they've been wanting to reach out to me, too. So, I think crying, like showing kindness and love, can very likely be opening a door for all parties involved to share.

With kindness, love and hugs!

Rich