Girlgirlgirl
Bronze Member
So, I was seeing this therapist. Initially, things had been going good and were productive. Then things started going badly in the relationship and he was getting on my nerves and I felt like I should move on. He diagnosed me with antisocial personality disorder, with no psychological testing whatsoever, just for not agreeing with everything he said-he would constantly call me this if I did not agree with something he said. Later I found out he was wrong, and I now feel like it was a type of emotionally abusive gas-lighting. People were telling me I should communicate with him before I moved on. I wish I didn't.
A couple weeks later, he had a bad day and took out his anger on me. He is an EMDR therapist and I was seeking therapy for rape related PTSD. He said a lot of very nasty things to me about the rape in anger for about 30 minutes-50 minutes straight.
Later on, I cancelled all of the appointments with him, gave 2 reviews about him online, sent him a few angry emails that expressed my feelings, and reported him to the licensing board (with predictably no accountability being given). I had to be hospitalized into an outpatient program and I cried uncontrollably every day and sometimes multiple times a day for about 6-9 months. I still cry here and there and it's been about a year since the final appointment with him-and I still am deeply affected by it.
I was talking to a friend who is a mental health professional and she pointed out that I seem to have developed PTSD from the final appointment with him. I do feel that is the case, and I had felt that way earlier. I feel so completely f*cking confused that I got PTSD from a therapy session. Especially since he is an EMDR therapist & a very respected one in the area I lived in. He made no efforts towards amends, other than asking if I wanted another appointment, which obviously I did not.
I understand that he probably needed to be protecting his career and reputation. He had some type of problem/counter-transference with me I realize in retrospect, but I had expected him to behave as a competent professional, especially since I had built a lot of trust with him in earlier sessions & he is a respected therapist in the area-it seems he has helped a lot of other patients. When my new therapist called him to coordinate treatment, he said he was completely shocked by my email ending therapy-so I guess he might have done it on accident. My new therapist thinks he was trying to get me connected to my feelings.
I just feel so destroyed that I developed PTSD from a therapy session. I have a new EMDR therapist, so I guess I'll get EMDR for the therapy session, which I have already been doing a little bit & it's helped. I don't know how to explain it, but it's just such a huge betrayal. I was already having a hard time coping with the PTSD, so for him to then give me more PTSD was just so unnecessary and it destroyed me in a way I had never been destroyed before. It's also confusing to me that he is such a respected therapist in the area-yet he behaved in such an unprecedented manner. I also don't feel like he is entitled to the type of bad day where he takes out his anger on me using details of my trauma against me-it would have been better for him to just have cancelled the appointment than to have given me PTSD.
I think part of it had to do that EMDR was the only hope I had at improving the PTSD. Sometimes, I felt like if the PTSD didn't improve, life wouldn't be worth living-to maybe off myself. So for him to give me more PTSD (even if it was on accident), I don't know, it just destroyed me in a way I never had been before, and I have Complex PTSD so I have been through a lot already-I literally have lifelong trauma.
I just had known it had affected me very strongly this whole time, but for it to now be a year since it happened & to realize that he literally gave me PTSD instead of treating my other PTSD, it's just, an extra disturbing for me.
A couple weeks later, he had a bad day and took out his anger on me. He is an EMDR therapist and I was seeking therapy for rape related PTSD. He said a lot of very nasty things to me about the rape in anger for about 30 minutes-50 minutes straight.
Later on, I cancelled all of the appointments with him, gave 2 reviews about him online, sent him a few angry emails that expressed my feelings, and reported him to the licensing board (with predictably no accountability being given). I had to be hospitalized into an outpatient program and I cried uncontrollably every day and sometimes multiple times a day for about 6-9 months. I still cry here and there and it's been about a year since the final appointment with him-and I still am deeply affected by it.
I was talking to a friend who is a mental health professional and she pointed out that I seem to have developed PTSD from the final appointment with him. I do feel that is the case, and I had felt that way earlier. I feel so completely f*cking confused that I got PTSD from a therapy session. Especially since he is an EMDR therapist & a very respected one in the area I lived in. He made no efforts towards amends, other than asking if I wanted another appointment, which obviously I did not.
I understand that he probably needed to be protecting his career and reputation. He had some type of problem/counter-transference with me I realize in retrospect, but I had expected him to behave as a competent professional, especially since I had built a lot of trust with him in earlier sessions & he is a respected therapist in the area-it seems he has helped a lot of other patients. When my new therapist called him to coordinate treatment, he said he was completely shocked by my email ending therapy-so I guess he might have done it on accident. My new therapist thinks he was trying to get me connected to my feelings.
I just feel so destroyed that I developed PTSD from a therapy session. I have a new EMDR therapist, so I guess I'll get EMDR for the therapy session, which I have already been doing a little bit & it's helped. I don't know how to explain it, but it's just such a huge betrayal. I was already having a hard time coping with the PTSD, so for him to then give me more PTSD was just so unnecessary and it destroyed me in a way I had never been destroyed before. It's also confusing to me that he is such a respected therapist in the area-yet he behaved in such an unprecedented manner. I also don't feel like he is entitled to the type of bad day where he takes out his anger on me using details of my trauma against me-it would have been better for him to just have cancelled the appointment than to have given me PTSD.
I think part of it had to do that EMDR was the only hope I had at improving the PTSD. Sometimes, I felt like if the PTSD didn't improve, life wouldn't be worth living-to maybe off myself. So for him to give me more PTSD (even if it was on accident), I don't know, it just destroyed me in a way I never had been before, and I have Complex PTSD so I have been through a lot already-I literally have lifelong trauma.
I just had known it had affected me very strongly this whole time, but for it to now be a year since it happened & to realize that he literally gave me PTSD instead of treating my other PTSD, it's just, an extra disturbing for me.
