When I was 15 years old (now 24) I was officially diagnosed with PTSD and MDD. At that time if you were to ask me if I was abused as a kid id probably shrug and not know what to say. I still have a lot of issues admitting I was an abused child...but I was.
Growing up mental illness was dominate in my life. My father suffers from manic Bipolar with psychosis, PTSD from childhood abuse/war, and depression. My mother has schizoaffective disorder...which is essentially schizophrenia and bipolar mixed.
Living in this world with them was undoubtedly a struggle to say the least...although I did not understand what was going on while growing up I knew something was very very wrong and spent most days living in fear.
My dad was extremely emotionally abusive and angry outbursts was a daily thing. My dad put his hands on me several times (although a lot of it I cant remember), he hit my mom in front of me, and beat the ever living shit out of my dog (who was my best friend seeing how I am a only child). He constantly lied, bragged about brainwashing, forced me to clean the entire house ALL THE TIME and wouldn't let me out and would scream that I cleaned the house the wrong way and punch holes in the walls. Police came over many times, but i was too afraid of what would happen if I told the truth.
My mom is another difficult one who unintentionally caused a lot of emotional trauma because of her illness and let a lot of unhealthy things occur.
At 15 I was date raped by a friend. I had one beer while watching tv with him in the living room and woke up to him inside me in his bed. I honestly just stated dealing with that trauma recently as I tried to convince myself it wasn't rape. But I now can more confidently say it was...I certainly didn't want it.
I have learned now that I am older, that all these things contributed to my diagnosis of PTSD. I have nightmares regularly, anxiety attacks, flash backs, emotional responses to certain situations, depression, and many other symptoms of this disorder. Luckily I put myself into therapy at 15 not knowing what was wrong but knowing something wasnt right, and it was the best thing I have ever done.
I have learned a lot about self care with this illness. Being good to your body mind and soul are essential. That being said I found this site as another form of support when the brunt of the illness feels like to much to bare...I have another outlet. I am proud of how far I have come in the past 10 years and will continue on a positive path forward even with speed bumps and road blocks. Thank you all for any anticipated support I may receive in the future, I hope I can help someone out there as well! <3
Growing up mental illness was dominate in my life. My father suffers from manic Bipolar with psychosis, PTSD from childhood abuse/war, and depression. My mother has schizoaffective disorder...which is essentially schizophrenia and bipolar mixed.
Living in this world with them was undoubtedly a struggle to say the least...although I did not understand what was going on while growing up I knew something was very very wrong and spent most days living in fear.
My dad was extremely emotionally abusive and angry outbursts was a daily thing. My dad put his hands on me several times (although a lot of it I cant remember), he hit my mom in front of me, and beat the ever living shit out of my dog (who was my best friend seeing how I am a only child). He constantly lied, bragged about brainwashing, forced me to clean the entire house ALL THE TIME and wouldn't let me out and would scream that I cleaned the house the wrong way and punch holes in the walls. Police came over many times, but i was too afraid of what would happen if I told the truth.
My mom is another difficult one who unintentionally caused a lot of emotional trauma because of her illness and let a lot of unhealthy things occur.
At 15 I was date raped by a friend. I had one beer while watching tv with him in the living room and woke up to him inside me in his bed. I honestly just stated dealing with that trauma recently as I tried to convince myself it wasn't rape. But I now can more confidently say it was...I certainly didn't want it.
I have learned now that I am older, that all these things contributed to my diagnosis of PTSD. I have nightmares regularly, anxiety attacks, flash backs, emotional responses to certain situations, depression, and many other symptoms of this disorder. Luckily I put myself into therapy at 15 not knowing what was wrong but knowing something wasnt right, and it was the best thing I have ever done.
I have learned a lot about self care with this illness. Being good to your body mind and soul are essential. That being said I found this site as another form of support when the brunt of the illness feels like to much to bare...I have another outlet. I am proud of how far I have come in the past 10 years and will continue on a positive path forward even with speed bumps and road blocks. Thank you all for any anticipated support I may receive in the future, I hope I can help someone out there as well! <3
