Work Viewed As A Punishment

[Punky143]

Not sure how to say this. Some of my parts think its unfair to be at work, to be around those people. Any people for that matter. I dissociate all the time and "we" have to be quiet. We can't hum to make ourselves, we can't talk out loud, we're in our world leaving little to no tolerance for others. The feeling of being punished is what hangs over my head...doesn't help that I know what many think of us "crazy." Plus working in a medical environment I get to hear everyone's opinion is towards certain mental health diagnoses. Urgh....5 days of this wipes me on weekends, like migraine and other physically exhausting stuff.

 

[Someday Soon]

Can I just give you hope by saying you are not alone. I know the feeling, I dissociate, feel the need to box myself into a corner, be quiet in an space that needs communication and I am in an environment that doesn't seem to understand or know what real struggle is like. It is exhausting and work does feel like a punishment at times, a necessary punishment so I can financially survive but still a hard task to bear when your heart and mind struggles.

Gentle hugs if accepted :hug:

 

[Ronin]

Is changing the work or quitting an option?

Is there a space you would be comfortable at and undisturbed by others, or relatively undisturbed, where you could recompose through the course of the day?

Is there anyone that *doesn't* bring out those feelings when you're near them?

Qs just to help brainstorming, not necessarily to be answered :) More like 'is there anything about whole of this that you could adjust, first / you're not alone with those feelings and it's not unsolvable, it can be sorted... now, just where to start may be bit of an issue.'

 

[Punky143]

I'm meeting with EAP this afternoon and have Fmla as well. I'm applying for sick leave since I know for a fact the worse is ahead of me and I'm scared. My daughter's sexual assault case is going to court. The last time my T and I talked about it, well I "went away" and have no clue what was said or asked. I can't stand how my desk is positioned either. I'm paranoid always looking over my shoulder. Every noise seems to be amplified so I wear headphones. I can wonder to different parts of the building to be alone. Most people there bring out the different parts and I hate it and most of the time, them. I am paranoid all the time....

 

[Someday Soon]

Every noise seems to be amplified so I wear headphones.

I feel the same, was placed on involuntary leave because work harassed me into meltdown point, had to place ear buds in my ears to quiet the world, work then scared me to death by opening a door and when they tried to touch me as I was having a panic attack they triggered it to amplify ten fold, I ended up switching off also, I am terribly paranoid, I get told it gets better, one day at a time.

 

[Punky143]

I feel the same, was placed on involuntary leave because work harassed me into meltdown point, had...

I feel like I'm the exception to the "it will get better." I'm not wired correctly and I have written all about it from very on in life. I don't like being around others. They irritate us on every level. That's only work though. I'm failing at everything. And my T can only see me once this week and it saddens us. Its only monday and by this past Saturday, already planning a day home because I can't imagine doing this another 4 days....so tired

 

[Freedomfighter]

Not sure how to say this. Some of my parts think its unfair to be at work, to be around those people....

Well, I know how you feel there for sure, working environments stifle my free spirit, my common sense, my intelligence is assaulted when I have to work for people who are too dumb to know much.... the list goes on and on.
It is excruciating having to listen to those people every day, their nincompoop blabber all day long, childish nonsense, and unintelligent yapping is enough to drive me up the wall.
I love work, it is the people who ruin it. That is probably why I love working outside. I would much rather listen to a bird singing in the trees than a single person on any given day and that is the god honest truth. I say good morning to the trees and birds out there, a quick hmph to the people.