Hi, y'all!
I just joined this site about 10 days ago... someone I met during PTSD treatment at River Oaks told me about it. I am looking for information and support around PTSD and dissociative disorders. I have been diagnosed with many things over the course of my 20+ years in psychiatric treatment. At this point I am seeing a new doctor, and we are exploring the possibility of my having DID. It is really scary, but I am so eager to know what is wrong with me that I am willing to entertain just about anything.
Throughout my life, I have been through multiple traumas. I was sadistically sexually tortured by multiple adults (including my father) beginning in infancy, and lasting well into my childhood. It has only been in the last year since my mom died that these memories have surfaced. (My dad shot himself in 2011, and that also makes it somewhat safer for the memories to emerge.)
I also am a survivor of domestic violence at the hands of a former long-term partner, as well as multiple sexual assaults.
My life has been one of intermittent periods of normal functioning, followed by severe decline which prevented me from working. At one point I was in over $200,000 dollars of debt, due to manic spending and debting. Long story.
Further, I was in a toxic, abusive therapy group for 3 years, when I was too young and inexperienced to know the difference. It was mismanaged by the co-therapists, one of which was my first trauma therapist, with whom I worked for almost 5 years. She ended up behaving very unethically toward me, and that entire situation has caused life long mistrust of therapists and the mental health system, as well as any type of group setting.
I also suffer from various life long eating disorders, from anorexia to compulsive overeating. I am also a recovering alcoholic, and have been sober since 1997.
Geez, is that enough?
Not quite.
I also have a lot of physical illnesses, including chronic intractible migraines, fibromyalgia, spinal degeration, and an autoimmune disorder.
Whew! How does one person make it in this world?
The answer is, I don't know.
I went to in patient PTSD treatment for the first time in November of 2016, after a year's worth of suicidal desperation from the sadistic abuse flashbacks and body memories. River Oaks saved my life. While there, I experienced total support and validation for the first time in my life. It was miraculous. I was there for 5 weeks, 5 weeks in which I drew, sang, wrote, did ceramics, and played basketball. I felt like myself, and for the first time in my life, happy.
Since coming out of River Oaks in December, I have struggled again, but have found a new psychiatrist/therapist who is excellent and has 35 years of experience. So grateful to finally receive the treatment I have needed for so long. She suspects DID as my main psychiatric issue, and will be doing the SCID-D with me soon.
I am currently in a very healthy, loving relationship with a woman who loves me unconditionally, and we have been together 6 years. She is my family. I also have friends and sponsors from 12 step programs who support me. Now that the professional support piece is in place, I look forward to more healing and integration ahead.
Thanks for listening, y'all. I'm really grateful to have found you.
I just joined this site about 10 days ago... someone I met during PTSD treatment at River Oaks told me about it. I am looking for information and support around PTSD and dissociative disorders. I have been diagnosed with many things over the course of my 20+ years in psychiatric treatment. At this point I am seeing a new doctor, and we are exploring the possibility of my having DID. It is really scary, but I am so eager to know what is wrong with me that I am willing to entertain just about anything.
Throughout my life, I have been through multiple traumas. I was sadistically sexually tortured by multiple adults (including my father) beginning in infancy, and lasting well into my childhood. It has only been in the last year since my mom died that these memories have surfaced. (My dad shot himself in 2011, and that also makes it somewhat safer for the memories to emerge.)
I also am a survivor of domestic violence at the hands of a former long-term partner, as well as multiple sexual assaults.
My life has been one of intermittent periods of normal functioning, followed by severe decline which prevented me from working. At one point I was in over $200,000 dollars of debt, due to manic spending and debting. Long story.
Further, I was in a toxic, abusive therapy group for 3 years, when I was too young and inexperienced to know the difference. It was mismanaged by the co-therapists, one of which was my first trauma therapist, with whom I worked for almost 5 years. She ended up behaving very unethically toward me, and that entire situation has caused life long mistrust of therapists and the mental health system, as well as any type of group setting.
I also suffer from various life long eating disorders, from anorexia to compulsive overeating. I am also a recovering alcoholic, and have been sober since 1997.
Geez, is that enough?
Not quite.
I also have a lot of physical illnesses, including chronic intractible migraines, fibromyalgia, spinal degeration, and an autoimmune disorder.
Whew! How does one person make it in this world?
The answer is, I don't know.
I went to in patient PTSD treatment for the first time in November of 2016, after a year's worth of suicidal desperation from the sadistic abuse flashbacks and body memories. River Oaks saved my life. While there, I experienced total support and validation for the first time in my life. It was miraculous. I was there for 5 weeks, 5 weeks in which I drew, sang, wrote, did ceramics, and played basketball. I felt like myself, and for the first time in my life, happy.
Since coming out of River Oaks in December, I have struggled again, but have found a new psychiatrist/therapist who is excellent and has 35 years of experience. So grateful to finally receive the treatment I have needed for so long. She suspects DID as my main psychiatric issue, and will be doing the SCID-D with me soon.
I am currently in a very healthy, loving relationship with a woman who loves me unconditionally, and we have been together 6 years. She is my family. I also have friends and sponsors from 12 step programs who support me. Now that the professional support piece is in place, I look forward to more healing and integration ahead.
Thanks for listening, y'all. I'm really grateful to have found you.
