Sexual Assault Finally Told My T

[James McGregor]

Well, a bit of a long story so please bear with me. Ive recently started with a new T, and i find her really easy to talk to. I found myself telling her about something that i never have spoken to a T before, even though ive wanted to ive never had the courage.

When i was around 7 or 8 a neighbors child who was about 2 years older started to be sexual with me, at the time i dont think i really understood or realised the implications, i guess i thought it was a game or something. I knew afterwards that it should be kept a secret, and i did keep it. Its something that is in my mind a lot, for the last 30 years i do feel its affected how i am in physical relationships, i really dont like sex at all it doesnt "feel" right and i have always worried about it.

Even while telling my T i felt like i was doing something wrong and shouldnt be worried about it. She flat out called it abuse, which to be honest made me feel sick as ive always tried to stay away from calling it that - maybe because it was another child involved.

A few weeks ago someone i work with asked if i new a person (they gave his name) - and i couldnt believe it - it was THE boy involved! I thought i was going to vomit, it hit me like a truck!

I guess what im asking is, is it usual or understandable to feel this way about it all, i really am so confused and dont know how i should feel about it, i feel a lot of guilt and shame about the whole thing

 

[Bristol]

Totally understandable to swing between denial and minimization and then to be faced with their name is bound to freak you out, dealing with this daily, yet to find a way through it but you arnt alone

 

[James McGregor]

Totally understandable to swing between denial and minimization and then to be faced with their name is...

Thanks a lot for replying, i was driving myself mad with not knowing if how i was feeling was typical - if there is such a thing! denial and minimization is exactly the right words! A couple of years ago i tried to talk about it in group therapy, and i did try to minimize it, unfortunately some of the other group members did too and made me feel really stupid about it. So sorry your going through this too, be nice to just not have it sitting in our minds at the back all the time!

 

[Bristol]

Ive asked my T many times if she could plug my brain in, see it all from herself and then delete it all so i could get on with my life, apparently technology hasnt come in far enough yet! Keep going with it, always around if i can help

 

[James McGregor]

Ive asked my T many times if she could plug my brain in, see it all from herself and then delete it all...

Ah yes wouldnt that be nice lol! Thank you, thats kind of you. I guess after not speaking about it for so long and finally telling my T - she was so cool about it, and accepting - i did feel a sense of relief, but also a kind of....well now what! What on earth do i do about it now kind of thing

 

[Bristol]

I know that feeling, my T tells me the lack of consequences of telling is as hard as the expected consequences. You sort of expect something dramatic to happen but it doesnt, totally had the same feeling this week so i know where you are on this

 

[James McGregor]

I know that feeling, my T tells me the lack of consequences of telling is as hard as the expected conse...

Yeah thats it totally, expecting some kind of catharsis - then there is none, which makes sense - why would there be. I dont know what i expected but i dont think i expected not very much. There are people id like to tell in my private life, somehow it feels like i should, but i cant see that happening any time soon

 

[Bristol]

No one knows in my 'real life' its too complicated and i dont think any good can come of it, still all feels poisonous, but you have to do whats right for you at the right time but theres never any rush to do it you need to take your time on it and keep your control where you want it :)

 

[James McGregor]

No one knows in my 'real life' its too complicated and i dont think any good can come of it, still all...

true enough, i feel telling my partner might help explain why life is just so difficult for me most of the time, shes very accepting of my anxiety and depression mostly, but she does struggle to understand why its so constant - as do i to be honest. maybe knowing this might give her a chance to understand me better - and to be frank why our sex life is non existent (as its something i mostly just dont want to be doing)

 

[Bristol]

Can your T help with telling her? Maybe you could practise with them or you could take her along to a session. Its good you feel able to be honest with her just be careful when you do that you do it in a way that helps you :)

 

[James McGregor]

Can your T help with telling her? Maybe you could practise with them or you could take her along to a s...

i think id feel very uncomfortable with someone else in therapy with me, the way im trying to think about it is if this is something she cant handle, then me hiding it isnt helping anything, so im best knowing that now

 

[Bristol]

I get that, the feeling that they will reject you and your better off dealing with them leaving sooner rather than later if they are going to. I think its one of those things that because we tie it up with shame we imagine the worst case scenario. If my husband told me that he had been through that i would support him, it wouldnt change how i felt about him, tho in my mind he will leave me immediately. Maybe your T can give you advice on how to tell her?