38 Year Old Supervisor Dating 18 Year Employee

[Powder]

It was your ethical obligation to report it. Reporting it is not the same as proving wrongdoing. The good thing about (most of the time) our system in the US right now is that we may have an obligation to report what appears to be sexual harassment or misuse of power, but we don't have the burden to prove it.

That is HR's problem now. Not yours. You did the right thing. If there is a problem here, it could be much worse than you are aware and a probe can usually unearth it eventually.

When I reported harassment/bullying, I had no idea it was happening to others, including his supervisor! He was fired. He found a new job quickly, but I think he got fired or quit there, too, because he was there (I saw him when I drove by) and then not at all. Or he may have reached out for medical retirement as an option.

Whether or not it's triggering to you, you did the right thing and protected your workplace from a lawsuit and maybe more. I think you have the right to feel some pride for being upset and doing the right thing anyway, plus being willing to deal with the emotional processing part, including herein.

I wish I could clone you! The world would be safer.

 

[Muttly]

An update. The work issue has been getting more blatant.They are doing stuff on the floor/public area now. I believe I walked in on them kissing. For that, (and some cuddling done on the floor on the same day) I can provide a date and time. If they were't kissing, they were so close they might as well have been. I have been trying to find a time to talk to my manager but haven't been able to. He was out for a couple days. I could have talked to the higher manager but I just panicked every time I thought of doing that. I don't know him really, hes knew. I also talked to A and found out he did report it and nothing had happened and felt... sort of hopeless.

Yet another supervisor (I will call her feisty) and I were talking about the problems with managing T, she's now chronically late as well as having horrible customer service. She kept saying how T was manipulating D and I finally ended up telling her more of what's going on. Yesterday, my supervisor was back and I was going to talk to him. The night before Feisty walked in on T and D touching each other and reported it to my manager. She also let him know I'd seen things and had been trying to talk to him. She was able to provide specific times and it was found on the security camera. D was called up to talk to his manager. He's still working, so I don't know what the consequences were. I feel less alone in this now.

Back to the PTSD stuff. I now feel all over guilt. I feel like no matter which way you look at this I've done something wrong. I been talking and that's wrong. I didn't report it and that's wrong. I'm getting triggered and that's wrong.... I don't know. And I deserve credit for doing anything. I mean, I didn't really.

 

[BlueOrange]

I feel like no matter which way you look at this I've done something wrong. I been talking and that's wrong. I didn't report it and that's wrong. I'm getting triggered and that's wrong.... I don't know. And I deserve credit for doing anything. I mean, I didn't really.

It's OK to have those feelings. But I think you'd agree that the assessment supporting those feelings is flawed.

 

[AlohaDreaming]

At 18, I had no clue. Dating someone 20 years older would have been red flags of daddy issues, which clearly the way she follows those around in a position of authority to be petted and loved on, so something at home wasn't right with her growing up. She's super duper attached to a man who is too old for her, so that to me isn't healthy.

Even if she is of consenting age, everything I've just read says to me that she's not really correctly in her mindset. He overshares with her to give her a feeling of importance, and a way to feel mature, but it's manipulative. When someone needs that much self assurance, it's a sign that someone knows they do, and is using it to their advantage.

Professionally, no one should date anyone at work. Or if they are, it should never be discussed.

I think as a Boss type role at your job, it's more drama not to discuss it, because it's not good leadership to date your younger co-workers that you're sharing classified, don't need to know info with.

 

[Gs172003]

At 18, I had no clue. Dating someone 20 years older would have been red flags of daddy issues, w...

The age Gap in my opinion is bad enough. But the boss subordinate relationship is an ethics violation period.