Forgetting Abuse After It Happens

[Carmen J. Brown]

okay so I'm not sure if I'm putting this in the right place but whatever. Okay so I have been having a lot of memory problems lately. Quick background, my mom is a narcissist and my dad has aspergers. So whenever I get in a situation where emotional abuse from my parents is involved, I will think about it and think about it so much and then like a week later I won't be able to remember hardly anything about that situation. Then I feel crazy because I know that they were abusive (and can remember many specific times further in the past) but I can't remember the specifics of things that happened only a week ago. It makes me feel like "well, if I can't remember it then it must not have been that bad" but I'm not sure it works like that. I think it tends to happen in the idealization phase of the cycle of narcissistic abuse.I just want to hear your thoughts on what I could be doing to make myself forget some things and not others??? Idk. I think just maybe someone saying that they know what I'm talking about would help.

 

[Kieran]

I'm right there with you. Sometimes, we tend to forget the things that subconsciously hurts us the most to the point where we'd consciously no longer remember the events. It's our brain's way of saying "This is too much, I need a break." So, it'll forget, because all it's been doing is thinking too hard on something that is unhealthy to think about. It's a sign that we should rest from the thought and come back to it when we're ready to talk about it in a healthy way.

I'm not a therapist, but I was... abused as a child. I forgot about it for 14 years. Now? I'll remember the abuse but not the recent events in which I was emotionally (or maybe even physically) abused. It tends to be because it's too close in time with us. At least, that's my take on it.

I know the feeling. I feel crazy, because I'm like "I can somehow sense this situation was abusive... but I can't recall specific events." It annoys me, because it not only makes me feel crazy, but that I'm making a big deal of nothing.

I'm sorry for what you're going through, but please remember that you're not crazy and you're not alone. Hugs if you accept them. :hug:I hoped this help a little, but I'm not sure what else to offer or say.

 

[Carmen J. Brown]

I'm right there with you. Sometimes, we tend to forget the things that subconsciously hurts us the most...

Lol yes I accept hugs and same to you. thank you for your reply. :)

 

[Carmen J. Brown]

I'm right there with you. Sometimes, we tend to forget the things that subconsciously hurts us the most...

And yes, it did help

 

[BlueOrange]

Mostly, I used to forget the bad things that happened. This made it possible to smile around my parents, and that was really important. Later, I tended to forget the good things. This made it possible to leave.

And after lots of therapy, I'm getting much better at remembering everything.

If you're still living with your parents, then the forgetting is probably really useful for making life bearable.