Don't Know How to Deal With This - Family Deaths

[Josephine]

In May of 2007 my Mom was diagnosed with a heart aneurism with only a week to live. I cared for her along with my Dad and was there when she died. It was a very traumatic experience as her lungs filled up with blood and I watched her die. I was holding her hand and could actually feel her spirit leaving her body. After she died I was still functioning pretty well. I would have flashbacks but I still felt like myself. Then in Nov. of 2007 my Dad and Sister were hit by a drunk driver as they left a church parking lot. It took them an hour to cut my Sister from the car. I only got to see her for a minute before I had to leave the hospital to go with my Dad as he was airflighted to another hospital. I spent all night watching over Dad in ICU I finally went home at 5 am for some sleep. I was awakened at 9:30 am to the news that my Sister had stopped breathing. When I got to the hospital they had my other Sister and I watch them do CPR on her for an hour before they pronounced her dead. In total they did CPR for three hours because they kept getting her heart started again but then it would stop. While I was watching this I began to feel detached from myself and have never completely gotten over that feeling. My Dad lived for two weeks and all that I went through could fill a book. I was again there when he died. I have not been myself since all this happened. I feel so disconnected from everyone. I am developing many fears(riding in a car, leaving the house, going to church etc.) I went to grief therapy for a year and my counselor was the first person to say that I may have PTSD. I don't know much about it, have no clue what to do about it. I feel like I am walking around with my insides hanging out and no one notices!

 

[Anton]

I hope I don't seem insensitive but hey, at some point everyone has to die.
Everyone.

No one lives forever. I won't. You won't. No one will.

This will always be painful for those that stay behind, no matter what.

Personally I feel that's as it should be.

It's okay to feel sad when someone passes away.
I feel it's not really okay to feel sad beyond the normal feelings of sadness when an aquaintance leaves us, but it's not a big deal either.

I'm alive. I'm glad to be alive, but know several people who aren't.
Some of those may need a little help, and I may offer that in spite of the fact that they might receive that little bit of help from non-christian sources, who weren't to forthcoming to help believers in the first place

 

[2quilt]

Josephine,
Welcome to the forum, and I hope you read alot in this forum about people who have had similar experiences as yours. You are not alone. It's not the actual fact of death that all of us fear, it's the process from the moment we can see it's going to happen and we lose all sense of control over our lives. You have come to the right place to find peace and start to heal. Have you joined support groups locally, gotten talk therapy or bereavement help? Was it successful at all?
Keep writing and let yourself feel.

 

[Josephine]

I hope I don't seem insensitive but hey, at some point everyone has to die.
Everyone.

No one lives forever. I won't. You won't. No one will.

This will always be painful for those that stay behind, no matter what.

Personally I feel that's as it should be.

Anton,
You take the view of most of the people around me. They're dead, get over it! I don't think people have a clue the devastation Drunk Drivers cause. How I had to watch people I love die in agony as there was nothing that the medical personnel could do. The man who did this was convicted of two counts of second degree murder and that's exactly what it was! My loved ones were hurt beyond belief . I watched them die and couldn't help them at all. Then I had to relive the experience in the courts and look into the eyes of the sick man who did this. There is a big difference between when people die of natural causes and when they are killed by someone!

 

[Josephine]

Josephine,
Welcome to the forum, and I hope you read alot in this forum about people who have had similar experiences as yours. You are not alone. It's not the actual fact of death that all of us fear, it's the process from the moment we can see it's going to happen and we lose all sense of control over our lives. You have come to the right place to find peace and start to heal. Have you joined support groups locally, gotten talk therapy or bereavement help? Was it successful at all?
Keep writing and let yourself feel.

Thank you for the encouragement! I did do grief counseling for a year and it did help some. Right now I am looking for someone to talk to that specializes in trauma. The grief I can handle(most days) it's the horror I feel over what happened that is really getting to me.

 

[Frankie]

Hi Josephine,

Very sorry for your losses, too many for anyone to go through in such a short period of time. Many have gone through similar life changing experiences as you have and if you do have ptsd this is a good place to find information and support :)

Have a right diagnose done and if you do have ptsd then at least you will know what you are dealing with and get the necessary and important help you will need.

Grief is very personal thing, noone should tell us when to "move on and get over it" and add ptsd to it and it is very hard to control. If you don't continue getting help it will get worst for you :)

You are very right in saying it is different when someone dies of natural causes and when someone is taken from us by outside forces......when drunk drivers are involved....there is not only grief, hurt and sadness....but anger also !

"Normal" grief, if we can say that .....in time diminishes and we come to accept our loved ones' death....but yes, when it is carried with us for a long time, then we need help !

Anton, sorry to say, but yes, what you wrote seems insensitive. Yes, we all know we will all die some day....but when we lose someone we love it is still very hard to accept, no matter how old they are or how they die !

Josephine, please take care of yourself, and know that in time you will smile again at all the great memories you had with your loved ones :)

Frankie

 

[empowered]

Hi Josephine,

To have watched your Loved ones die the way they did would of been extremely traumatic.

I worked in ICU for years...for that reason I can picture much of what you experienced and feel very anxious thinking about it.

Please continue to recieve and seek help; and ignore those that would discourage you...:Hug_emoticon:

 

[her_indoors43]

:Hug_emoticon::Hug_emoticon::Hug_emoticon:

 

[ISupportHer]

I just wanted to let you know that I was thinking of you and your family. It is true that we all experience loss at some time in our lives. Hard under any circumstance but so much harder when there is the loss of several family members in a short period of time and under the circumstances you have experienced. The "family presence" of loved ones in a cardiac arrest can help those family members in the grieving process. Be with them rather than just in a waiting room. In my opinion that can come with a price and be very traumatic.

The positive aspect, in my opinion, was that you had the ability to be with those loved ones at the time of their death. It is hard, to be sure, but can be so special. Please do not take this as insensitive. It is my hope and prayer that, first, you are able to comes to terms with your loss and second, that at some future time you can have an acceptance of that gift of your presence at that time in their lives.

Please, please seek the help you need. Please also use this forum as a resource as you grieve

 

[a3a2]

Josephine,

I am so sorry. I can't imagine the pain.

I pray many around with you will stand with you in your pain and support you.

a2a3

 

[shiraz]

Hi Josephine,

I am so sorry for your loss ... what a painful time you have been through, my heart aches for you, you have been through so much.
:Hug_emoticon:

I have often felt that I am walking around with visible wounds - that is how I visualize the pain sometimes - and nobody notices. Please know that there are wonderful people here who will listen and support you on your journey.

I am glad you have found this community.

Shiraz

 

[PerfectEmpire]

I don't think people have a clue the devastation Drunk Drivers cause.

Hi Josephine, you are not alone here. I feel exactly the same. One of my schoolmates was killed by a drunk driver while waiting for the bus...in fourth grade. It happened right after the bus pulled up and she was walking towards it. Needless to say this traumatized many students, as well as her family, and I think in many ways the entire community.

I am so sorry for your loss and want you to know that you are not alone in feeling like it is unfair and wrong.