How Do You Choose A New Therapist?

[barefoot]

This seems like a very basic question but I'm really wrestling with this. Partly because I'm not I a great headspace at the moment and partly because I've never had to find a therapist before.

Due to my current challenges with my therapist and my very high levels of anxiety around that/her/our future, I have started looking online to see what other therapists are around.

So far, I have looked at the listings on the BACP website, which seems to be the best starting point. I've been searching in my area for those who list ptsd as a specialism and have spent hours so far looking them all up. I feel so overwhelmed and no further along. Partly because there's a part of me still screaming that I don't want any of them - I want my current one and the thought of leaving her and starting with someone else feels utterly gut-wrenching! And partly because I just don't really know how to narrow them down.

My current therapist is the only therapist I've ever seen and I didn't ever choose her or test out anyone else - my ex-company sent me to her and, fortunately, we clicked and got on and we wanted to work together, so then off we went and things were great for a a couple of years...and now they're not.

So, I don't really know what I'm doing/how I'm meant to choose.

There are things I'm noticing that I find off-putting about the potential new ones I'm looking at and I'm not sure if that's ok to follow my gut on such things or whether I should not be ruling people out on these things. Examples:

- If they don't have a photo so that I can see them or a website that I can explore to find out more, I am discounting them.

- If their photo is off-putting in some way, I am discounting them.

- If it looks like they have been practising for less than 10 years (definitely for less than five years) I have been discounting them as being too inexperienced.

- I am also put off by "counsellors" rather than "psychotherapists". But most of the listings are for counsellors. I consider psychotherapists as being "more than" counsellors because I think it means they have had a higher level of training and are therefore more prepared/able to do deeper stuff around trauma/PTSD. I'm not sure whether this is just me being judgey and there's no factual basis to that?!

Any thoughts on any of these points??

Also, if I narrow it down and get in touch with them (I think there are a couple of possibles at the moment that I feel more drawn to) and either chat on the phone or meet them, I guess a key thing is to decide whether they feel like people I warm to/could feel comfortable with/could open up to. So I guess personal qualities I'm looking for are things like: warmth, humour, compassion, non-judgmental, make me feel safe...

In a practical sense, I would prefer someone nearer to me (so less travel time/expense) plus lower fees than my current therapist (which I think they will be anyway if I find someone local)

I am also increasingly aware of the things I find so challenging with my current therapist, including: inconsistency, offering me things then not following through, not always being straightforward with communication/changing the goal posts (e.g. she used to text me to check in after tricky sessions/events and encourage me to email - now it seems those things are out of bounds but that hasn't been communicated and I now just feel left hanging and like I've done something wrong but don't know what.)

How do I find out if a potential new therapist is these things?
Do I just tell her that consistency, straightforward communication etc are important to me and then wait and see what she says. And if she says "oh yes, I'm all those things" I just need to try to trust that?
Do I say I have a therapist now and it's tricky because she does these things and I find it difficult to work with, so I need something different?

And I think my current therapist is overstretched because she is too busy. Can I ask a potential new one how many clients they have? Or is that rude?? I want them to have availability so that I can get in their diary. But if they are so available because they only have two clients...? Eek!

Am I being too difficult/picky?!

And can I ask if they have their own therapist/supervisor?

Do I mention that I'm seeing a therapist currently but the distance/travel is inconvenient plus touch on that things aren't working so well between us at the moment, so I am potentially looking to change? Do I mention that it's possible that I'm just looking to see someone for a few weeks until I get an appointment to see my current therapist? It feels dishonest not to say these things because, I guess there is a chance that I may still end up staying with my current one and I don't want to be misleading. But I also don't want to look like I'm difficult to work with!

If I mention my current therapist, do I say that I have ended up incredibly attached to her and that the thought of changing therapist is very hard? Is that useful for them to know so that they can help to make sure it won't happen this time with them? Or is that just a red flag to them that makes it look like they should steer clear of me??

I guess in terms of the work, I need to say I want to work on PTSD and let them know the symptoms that bother me most (and maybe also bottom line the nature of the trauma cause of the PTSD?) so I suppose I should ask what experience they have working with that. And with dissociation - I don't have a dissociative disorder but I do dissociate when I get overwhelmed (which can happen very easily and quickly!) So, I need to know that they can at least handle that and help ground me if I need it - and hopefully that they can help me work on that/chip away at it so that I can reduce it. And I should probably say that I find it hard to speak as my voice often gets hijacked, so how would she approach that? Can we use other things like writing etc.

I feel like I want to be honest about things - including about where I think things with my current therapist are going wrong/what I need to be different.
I'm just concerned that, if I finally find someone I'm drawn to enough to potentially want to work with, I don't want to put them off in case they think I just sound like a nightmare to work with!

I don't think I am a nightmare relationally when consistent boundaries/care is in place. But the resistance which causes the defences (voice hijacking/dissociation) is a real obstacle to me making progress with the work. So, I can see how a therapist might not want to/feel able to commit to that.

Any feedback/suggestions/tips very welcome - I just feel very lost with all this at the moment.

 

[kilted]

Try the UKCP as well... their criteria for accreditation are more onerous than BACP.

Also explore the type of therapy the therapist uses. Personally I steer clear of the Person Centred ones.

It takes a while to find a good therapist, so it's worth having short list then having a trial session or two with each of them. Talk over your concerns and how they would work with them.....

 

[Nessa7]

I literally found a new therapist yesterday. I haven't tested things out yet, but I have gone through the process of narrowing down my options.

I did what you kind of did here and made a list of requirements. I wanted someone that specialized in trauma and PTSD. Like you, I looked at pictures and experience. One of the options that my t had gave me had been practicing for less than a year, and there was no way that was happening.

One of my supporters said something about thinking that a woman in their forties or older would be better for me, and I went with it. I don't want to wrongly give the impression that my process was super rational and thought out.

I think the difference between a counselor and a psychotherapist is more connotative than based on a definition. They could have the same training but choose to call themselves a counselor because it sounds more welcoming to people that aren't comfortable seeing a mental health professional.

I think there are a lot of other things that can give a better idea of their training and experience. I googled my top 3 to look for things like belonging to professional associations, having something they wrote published, and attending conferences. I also really liked when they specifically said what approaches they used, because I think that helped a lot in letting me make an informed decision.

I would be honest about your previous experience. A good t would be able to see the positives. You formed a close relationship with a therapist in the past, so they'll know that you're able to and open to it. You also know what you need. It might also be a good way to get an idea of their personality and how they fit with you.

 

[barefoot]

Try the UKCP as well... their criteria for accreditation are more onerous than BACP.

Oh, I hadn't realised that - thanks!

I'm not very clear about the different types of therapy so will look those up. Mine describes herself as an integrative therapist and, having just looked up person-centred therapy, I think that describes her approach. I'll do some more research on styles.

Thanks.

 

[barefoot]

Thanks @Nessa7

They could have the same training but choose to call themselves a counselor because it sounds more welcoming to people

Yes, I realised since I posted that this seems to be quite common. That "counsellor" sounds less scary/intimidating. So, I think I need to lose my judgment about that and focus on their qualifications, training, experience and approach.

You formed a close relationship with a therapist in the past, so they'll know that you're able to and open to it.

I think this is a bit of a problem. I feel like I didn't ever mean to get attached and it sort of snuck up on me and then suddenly I discovered I was (am!) incredibly attached and now that intensity of feeling is part of the problem.

Good luck with your new therapist!