Childhood Childhood Memories Are Ruining My Daily Life

[FadeToBlack6789]

I was badly sexually abused and beaten at the hands of my step father for around ten years ages ranging from 5-15. At age 15 I finally got help and was removed from him and the abuse. It's been 11 years now but I'm starting to get very terrible dreams about the abuse I endured. I spent over five years in counseling and on medications to live a normal life and eventually I did. I got married and had two children, one of them being around the same age my abuse started. I feel having a child at the same age has somehow flipped a switch in my mind and is making me remember all the things that happened to me at that age. I'm having a hard time connecting with friends and family these days. Mostly disconnecting myself while these movies replay in my head. Sometimes I'll be at work and I'll hear my step dads voice calling my name or I'll randomly remember a very vivid detail that I forgot before until that very day. I haven't been able to sleep much these days and not sure if this is normal.

 

[walksthrufire]

You might need some extra help to get the sleep you need. Those extra details that have been recessed for a long time are being pulled out because of your stress levels. Good sleep, and a little extra sleep even, will do you a world of good. And maybe see if a trusted friend or family member can or would like to come stay and help out with the little ones while you do some sleep and de-stress catch up. Talk to your doctor about your needs. Good sleep and good talk will help keep those memories from being so invasive. I'm also one for the healing powers of hypnosis/guided meditation so I'm throwing out the suggestion to search something like "releasing negative energy meditation" on youtube. They can become enormously helpful if you can do that with yourself. A therapist might be willing to do it with you. Another way to train your brain is to use a mantra through out the day, whenever a memory or a bad thought related to the trauma etc. pops in saying something to that though like "I release you" "I do not need you" etc. try to stick with using and "'I' statement" if you can, or be consistent with the mantra that works best for you. Also simply saying "Good-Bye" to that thought can work as well.

 

[Freedomfighter]

I was badly sexually abused and beaten at the hands of my step father for around ten years ages...

It is very common to go through that when watching other innocent children. Somehow your mind will travel back to your own childhood. Childhood memories are very powerful and when you see an innocent child you automatically think of yourself as the child at that age: then you think how could a parent possibly do this to such an innocent being, a beautiful innocent little child? So completely helpless and it brings into focus what a monster such a person is.

Whenever I witness parents that show clear signs of sexual abuse towards their own innocent kids, some still babies, I cringe. It is amazing to me that it is so widely accepted in society. And how someone can actually say to not bother to even attempt to talk about it is making me very mad......