Relationship Out Of The Blue

[VikingGF]

I posted here a day and a half ago about my bf (combat ptsd) projecting an angry and unwarranted outburst towards me. Here is the update: he texted me yesterday morning and told me that he isn't ready for a relationship.....after two months of texting and talking from 5am until 11pm most days, seeing each other when we can in his 90-hour a week work schedule. I begged him not to make this decision, that we can continue to make it work as we have been. He was very short, and said it is what it is and that he was sorry....case closed. To say I am empty, hollow....that's one thing. But it doesn't describe how I have not stopped crying since yesterday morning.

I know this is reminiscent of PTSD sufferers. It's just that it is happening to me first hand and I am absolutely struggling with this. To go from talking all day long to nothing? I have trusted him with so much......SO much.....and now, just gone. I'm not calling or texting him, I'm giving him the space he needs, and hopefully in a week or soon he will contact me. None of this feels right. If anyone has gone through something similar.....please.....respond below :(

 

[Sweetpea76]

This happens a lot... a look through the supporter section will show hundreds of posts like this.

Unfortunately there is no way of knowing if this is PTSD, or just a garden variety break up. The important thing now is for you to take care of YOU. He can't or isn't going to.

I'm sorry if it seems so blunt, but you can't put him ahead of your own mental health.

 

[fletch24]

I'm going through a similar situation right now. I'm trying all i can to be strong and diving head first into my job and trying to make my life better. I leave my phone in the other room or on silent so i'm not waiting on his texts or messages. We're still friends on social media and its hard not to look for his updates but for me i have learned that getting out of the house and going on hikes or nature walks really clears my head.

 

[grimalkin]

Yup. HUNDREDS of threads here. It sucks, it really does. Mine was after 7+ years together, 5+ married, to "I don't know if I love you anymore," and "I need to be alone so I'm ending our time together." I also heard "It is what it is." I had no say in it, whatsoever. (read my other posts for the whole story)

It's maddening.

But, I'm now three-ish months past the "I'm ending our time together," and I'm...doing better. Unfortunately, we still live together, so I have to keep my head and not buy into the pulling back he's doing (goofy stuff, letting me know he's thinking of me, the occasional pet name) because he is adamant that "I haven't changed my mind. I'm done."

I actually almost wish it were that he cut me off entirely, it might have been easier than this, because it's so hard not to beg and cling when he needs space right now more than anything. But, I'm starting to see that our relationship hasn't been, and can't be, healthy while he refuses to deal with his demons.

So I'm picking up and living. I wish it didn't have to be this way, but, well, it is. I can't change him. I can only change me.

 

[Snowflakes]

@VikingGF Even if he does contact you and your relationship continues, it will still occur. I've been married to my sufferer for over 10 years and, in a very real sense, been alone for over 10 years. I don't walk because she tries.

I understand what @grimalkin writes to you above. The difference is her sufferer doesn't deal with his demons while mine continues to try. In either case it is very difficult to support someone else without losing yourself in the process. @Sweetpea76 is so very correct about taking care of YOU. I didn't do that and it took me a long time to climb out of the rabbit hole and find myself again.

Stay here with us, we will walk this road with you as long as you need us. Take care.

 

[Linzee]

I'm going through a similar situation right now. I'm trying all i can to be strong and diving head fir...

@fletch24 This is absolutely the right way to go.

 

[Linzee]

@VikingGF Yours sounds like a classic case study situation. Which is actually good as most of us can help give you a general prediction of what may follow and help you out with the now too.

Sadly, nothing out of the ordinary here. You will naturally need time to adjust from the regular contact. But you will and you will be alright. Take what he told you at face value and respect his wishes. Letting him come to you is the best course of action to take and works!