Flashback No Visual Memory

[Iamsensative]

So i had a flashback in church. Standing, first i felt tugging and rubbing on my back. Terror floated into my mind and i kept saying just look behind you no one is there. I finally looked, and looked 2 more times. As i sat between 2 very safe people i focused on the mass and plasterer my smile on my face as i tried to understand why this was happening . I thought the someting was wrong with the speakers, i could not understand what was being said, it sounded off, evil. Well i made it through mass and pretending like everything was fine. Have any of you experienced this, random flashback, no visual memory attached just fear. Church is my safe place, a place i feel close to God. I have had panic attacks in church, because of being around too many people, that i understand and have worked very hard to be aware, watch my breathing. Never flashbacks.

 

[Fayne Jane]

Yes I have what I call emotional flashbacks where I have no vision or recall of the event. I can go from terror to hysterical crying, experiencing my attack without seeing it. My therapist told me this is common for people with PTSD.

 

[Iamsensative]

Yes I have what I call emotional flashbacks where I have no vision or recall of the event. I can go...

Sorry you go through that. When it happens i feel like i lost ground. Moving backwards, besides being so embarrassing. Thank you for your input.

 

[Sweet_E]

Yes. My flashbacks do not ever contain visual queues.

One of my triggers is anything to do with a breakdown in communication or being understood. It is so broad that it's a challenge to anticipate at times.

Sometimes I get surprisingly triggered by things I otherwise enjoy. I also often have a delayed reaction to a trigger.

I love physical therapy, for example, and never had a problem with it. But one day I had to work with a substitute. It was busy that day and I did not feel like he understood/cared when I let him know a particular movement was uncomfortable. I disassociated and carried on with the session and thought I was fine.

Then the following week, while working with someone with whom I was familiar and comfortable, I experienced a slight discomfort in my arm which caused me to burst into tears and go into full on flashback mode. I needed to cut the session short, go home and take care of myself. The lady who was helping me was patient, supportive and understanding.

Since then, I've done several more PT sessions with no issues. I think if anything, the staff walked on eggshells with me a little bit but I could understand their caution.

Now I realize that I need to assess how I'm feeling before I go into potentially triggering situations and do some grounding if needed. The problem is that sometimes new triggers catch me off guard. The new triggers are usually consistent with a few major themes. What I probably should do is to make a daily practice to assess and center myself. I am still working on figuring out what works for me.

I have developed a repertoire of things I do for myself when I do have a flashback so that I can gently bring myself out of it. I have a system down for at home but need to develop a toolkit for our in public. I took one step in this direction yesterday by buying a bracelet with and essential oil diffuser. Now I can sniff the diffuser which is pretreated with an oil that I find grounding. Sometimes I carry worry stones or cyrstals that are thought to be grounding. (I know that sounds woo-woo!)

I wrote a whole novel about my experience but I forgot to say:

I'm sorry you experienced that. It is scary and frustrating to have your sanctuary rattled like that.

I would just encourage you that it doesn't necessarily mean you'll continue to get triggered there. You may want to consider doing what you need to do to process things, even if it means taking a temporary break. When you are ready to go back, try to do so when you are in a state of feeling centered and empowered. If your next visits are positive, you can reinforce that it is still a safe place. Have a plan in place as to how you will handle things if you do get triggered. I find it helpful to come up with a mantra or affirmation statement that I tell myself if triggered. I also use my wedding ring as a visual and tactile queue or anchor that I'm safe or to remind me of the present. Deep breathing and sitting or standing with confident posture are also tools. I try to mindful and acknowledge when I notice disassociation and let myself gently transition in and out of it.

Hope this helps.

 

[Deleted member 8714]

Used to happen to me all of the time. It's creepy. I've had nightmares about those flashbacks later; some were the oddest I've ever had.

 

[Iamsensative]

Used to happen to me all of the time. It's creepy. I've had nightmares about those flashbacks later;...

Thanks, i having been anxious every since.

 

[Powder]

I read that you are used to positive emotions in church. In PTSD, any emotion activates emotional centers, and this will allow negative intrusive content to come through, too.

Point is to not avoid positives, because this won't happen a lot. Something triggered it, auditory (sound was confusing) and this lead to an opportunity for stuff that is dissociated to return to surface.

It's good you checked that it wasn't real.

But you now have to work at processing the memory that came up. It was of someone behind you, and you'll need to process how the sound allowed that memory to come up for you. Take control of the memory, allowing it to be, and once you process it fully, and grieve the emotions, feelings, and what beliefs and ideas it gave you that are harmful and can now be changed, you will no longer risk having it do that again.

 

[EmmaOwl]

It's good you checked that it wasn't real.

This is important. At times I've had to open myself up to embarrassment, to figure out reality. Dealing with embarrassment is far better than remaining confused.

i feel like i lost ground. Moving backwards, besides being so embarrassing.

Even so, though, this doesn't sound like losing ground. Not going backwards... your body and your mind are processing things that haven't yet resolved.
@Iamsensative, I'm sorry that you went through this, especially in a place that has been and is meant to be a sanctuary for you.