Relationship What Now?? Ptsd Partner Shutting Off All Communication...

[Deadman]

Hello @LoveMyNavyChief! I can't offer any advice by maybe I can offer some insight. Like your guy I suffer from combat related PTSD.

What about my want for his love?

There is a very good chance he feels no love at all. For anyone. I didn't. I knew I should love my ex. I didn't. I felt nothing for anyone including myself. I mostly felt rage and I knew that made me dangerous. I knew the people that loved me were safer without me.

My best friend and soulmate- he is gone right now.

Yes. He is literally a different person now. I am. I want the man I used to be back but I know it is not possible.

What the hell happened???

I ask myself that same question almost every day. I still have no answer.

I wish you strength and courage my friend. I truly do. You'll need it for both of you.

 

[LoveMyNavyChief!]

Yes he is now done. He says he is in a place that he cannot deal with me or my sadness or fears regardless of it being resultant of his ptsd. He says if I leave him alone we may be able to be friends in the future. This was the man I was going to marry and share the rest of my life with. I am beyond devastated. I can hardly breathe let alone get out of this bed to go to work and function. I see my therapist today. This is a reality I never ever thought could be, and I am having the hardest time even thinking about it let alone accepting that is now my life- alone and without him.

 

[Deadman]

I'm so sorry.

 

[LoveMyNavyChief!]

Thanks. For the perspective, the honesty and for the understanding. And for being here. I'll survive, I always have. This just hurts worse than anything I can recall. And I've had a pretty f**ked up time of it- I'm still suffering from childhood traumas of my own. I'm kind of numb I think- or I'm beginning acceptance. Or both. In any case thank you.

 

[Justmehere]

I'm so sorry it turned out this way. My heart goes out to you. :hug:

 

[Deanna]

He says he is in a place that he cannot deal with me or my sadness or fears regardless of it being resultant of his ptsd.

I know what he is saying here but I can't put it into words. He's very aware that you have done a lot for him. I think he wants you to be free and in all honesty, three years is a long time,. The patterns from three years, on top of your therapy and his therapy is just over-whelming is what he is saying. I would just refocus ( even though it really hurts) and I know you put everything in to this relationship. You deserve someone that can truly give, like you have given. I'm sorry that your relationship didn't work out.

 

[Lady Moonlight]

I am really sorry to hear that you're going through this. It is incredibly painful to lose the person you love even though they are alive still in this world. Please keep seeing your therapist and work on yourself and your healing. The worst of the pain is going to be now, but it won't always be this agony. Slowly, it will ease and you will find all the right ways to heal and take care of yourself. I admire your dedication to him for so long despite all the struggle. You are truly an admirable person for your commitment to him. I really wish you the best.

 

[A Soldiers Wife]

Just as he has good days and bad days, you will too. I can't give to much advice being as I just started down this road not to long ago with my H being diagnosed. But I have observed my husband for 3years trying to figure out if he lost his soul in Afghan during his last deployment.
What I have learned from reading others experiences, reading every web site I come across is:
This will be and is one of the hardest journeys for both the sufferer and you, the supporter.
Talk to friends you trust, vent on here, write every thought and every emotion down. I know a diary sounds childish but it has been my biggest outlet. It doesn't read like a diary and probably would appear as tho I'm crazy if anyone read it. It's filled with every raw emotion, experience and thought that has crossed my mind. The sweet, loving thoughts; the mean, hateful thoughts; my hopes, my wishes, my desires; describing the empty shell that stands before me that looks like my husband but is void of all emotions. At times I honestly don't think it would bother him to see me die right before his eyes. He would just shrug it off "it is what it is" and go on as tho I haven't been apart of his life for over 10yrs. Writing this stuff down has helped me from emotionally vomiting all over my husband and making a bad day a horrible day. (Tho I still have my moments)

BlueOrange has some excellent advice!

But all in all, as hard as it might be to think about, you may not be able to help him fight this fight. Don't put you on hold, your life, waiting and wishing for something that might never be. You can still support him while doing things you enjoy and that make you happy.

Another thing I have done is written myself a letter that I read every morning before I start my day. I read it when I feel this ball of fire about to explode inside of me unleashing a wrath of devastation in its wake...

I wish I had more advice,
Hang in there but remember it's ok to let go if it becomes too much, don't risk your own health and sanity

A Soldiers Wife

 

[LoveMyNavyChief!]

Hi All. Checking in. No change. It's been several weeks since I've heard anything from him. My texts (once a week now) go unanswered. My heart is still broken. I'm going through all the grief stages, denial, heartbreak, anger, and only acceptance by force. He was the best man Ive ever known. And now he is gone. I don't want him to be, but he is. I hate this.

 

[Justmehere]

Grief is a sign you had to courage to love, and love whole heartedly. Keep riding the waves of grief, you are not alone. :hug:

 

[Lady Moonlight]

I am really sorry to hear. Grief is really okay. Don't fight yourself and just allow it to work its way through you. You've been very brave. I am sorry this is not what you hoped for. Sending a hug for you.

 

[MD7]

My once fiancée, then simply BF- as of two days ago, (a Navy Chief (Ret), Combat Camera, mult...

I am going thru the same thing with mine and it is hurtful, frustrating and not to mention I question if it really is ptSD.