No you are not a monster.. until recently I hated my mother with a visceral hate that should not be possible. I told her more than a decade ago to get out of my life and pretend that I was dead because she was absolutely dead to me. However about a year ago I realized my eight was affecting no one but me. In a relatively short period of time just...couple days I was able to exchange my hatred for pity. I feel sorry for a woman that has lived 77 years and has made no positive input or influence in anyone's life. She is alone she will die alone and no one will miss her because she brought nothing positive to anyone's life. This is to be pitied not heated. I found that it was not possible to hate someone whom I pitied. So please do not think of yourself as a monster but think of yourself as someone who is reacting in a perfectly natural way toward someone who brought less to your life then they should have.
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Mother's day
- Post starter Muttly
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No you are not a monster.. until recently I hated my mother with a visceral hate that should not be possible. I told her more than a decade ago to get out of my life and pretend that I was dead because she was absolutely dead to me. However about a year ago I realized my eight was affecting no one but me. In a relatively short period of time just...couple days I was able to exchange my hatred for pity. I feel sorry for a woman that has lived 77 years and has made no positive input or influence in anyone's life. She is alone she will die alone and no one will miss her because she brought nothing positive to anyone's life. This is to be pitied not heated. I found that it was not possible to hate someone whom I pitied. So please do not think of yourself as a monster but think of yourself as someone who is reacting in a perfectly natural way toward someone who brought less to your life then they should have.
NewBeginnings
Gold Member
I am not sure what I am thinking or feeling for Mother's Day. Even though I have 3 incredible boys-(16,11,&9)the day has never been about me. I approach each Mothers Day thinking of what I should do for my mom and then procrastinating until the last moment - sending flowers and calling her late in the day. She lives a couple of hours away. I suppose my approach is really passive - my mom can't be available even though she tries. She gets angry at my sister or I and one of us is the "good one" when I have tried to be a better daughter it works for awhile and then something shifts.she plays mind games and if it is not all about her she gets angry. I am tired. I am growing as a person and while she does believe I have some serious psychological problems she makes sure to tell me how lucky I was to have her as a mother and she had always felt bad that I was a troubled kid. No point in ever going there with her - she didn't seem to pay much attention to me or stood up for me or protected me ... guess Mother's Day stirs up more in me than I realized . ... didn't mean to be a Debbie downer -
I guess I should call my annual flower delivery in today (rather than 9 am in Sunday) and be kinder in my thoughts and ways.
May all those mother's out there remember we need to be good to ourselves too.
I guess I should call my annual flower delivery in today (rather than 9 am in Sunday) and be kinder in my thoughts and ways.
May all those mother's out there remember we need to be good to ourselves too.
Changing4Best
VIP Member
My mother was such a blessing to me, so loving. I miss her so! My heart goes out to any of you who had a less than stellar mother and to any of you who have had children that cause you heartache. Also to any of you who have lost children.
For me, tomorrow is going to be a tough day. I know that all the women at church, including myself, will receive flowers. I do cherish my flower, even though some would not consider me a mother, because I have no living children, nor were any ever born to me. None the less, because I have at least one child in Heaven, I know in my heart and soul that I AM A MOTHER! And no one can take that away from me.
It is tough, especially when folks whip out the photos of grandchildren, because I am not a grandma. I am happy for them, but sad for me. I feel as if I am missing the greatest blessing I could have had. And there is nothing I can do about it. I even once applied for the position of foster grandmother, but I was turned down because I am too poor to own a car. I guess these blessed souls get to take their assigned grandchild around on outings in their cars. How wonderful that must be! I could only wish....
For me, tomorrow is going to be a tough day. I know that all the women at church, including myself, will receive flowers. I do cherish my flower, even though some would not consider me a mother, because I have no living children, nor were any ever born to me. None the less, because I have at least one child in Heaven, I know in my heart and soul that I AM A MOTHER! And no one can take that away from me.
It is tough, especially when folks whip out the photos of grandchildren, because I am not a grandma. I am happy for them, but sad for me. I feel as if I am missing the greatest blessing I could have had. And there is nothing I can do about it. I even once applied for the position of foster grandmother, but I was turned down because I am too poor to own a car. I guess these blessed souls get to take their assigned grandchild around on outings in their cars. How wonderful that must be! I could only wish....
I never really enjoyed meeting the strict guideline & demands that my Mother always made for her "special day" because I waited on her hand & foot every other day of the year because I was trained to! When I became a Mother, I vowed never to do this to my child & still have not after almost 40 years! She gives to me from a place of caring & love because I allowed her to grow in an environment of unconditional love. I never expect anyone to gift me. This way I am never disappointed!
I became a victim of a violent crime on May 9, 2001 & that date will forever be etched in my being as the day I was altered for all eternity. I now accept that, yet I will never forget the look of horror on my child's face when she saw me all battered & bruised with broken arm in cast & sling on Mothers Day which fell on May 11, 2001. Her boyfriend had a bouquet of flowers & my daughter was holding a bag with my favorite pan dulce & grande café! So, I guess the day wasn't all as bad as I thought it was before I started writing this. I just remember how bad she felt for me & how angry she was at the guy who beat me.
Still, I seem to just hate all holidays in general. They are all linked to so many bad memories of abuse & drama.
Happy Mother's Day to all who enjoy this holiday!
I became a victim of a violent crime on May 9, 2001 & that date will forever be etched in my being as the day I was altered for all eternity. I now accept that, yet I will never forget the look of horror on my child's face when she saw me all battered & bruised with broken arm in cast & sling on Mothers Day which fell on May 11, 2001. Her boyfriend had a bouquet of flowers & my daughter was holding a bag with my favorite pan dulce & grande café! So, I guess the day wasn't all as bad as I thought it was before I started writing this. I just remember how bad she felt for me & how angry she was at the guy who beat me.
Still, I seem to just hate all holidays in general. They are all linked to so many bad memories of abuse & drama.
Happy Mother's Day to all who enjoy this holiday!
much like @Tornadic Thoughts i'm angry at societal expectations over celebrating holidays in general; mother's day seems like a randomly selected day to be overly mushy about something i never experienced. perhaps if i could find a card that says "thanks for not killing me outright" that might make it more palatable. ah, no; never mind.
my mom already knows/believes it's all about her...why does she need a special day dedicated to that (on top of her birthday and anniversary...and all the rest of the days)?
my mom already knows/believes it's all about her...why does she need a special day dedicated to that (on top of her birthday and anniversary...and all the rest of the days)?
- Post starter
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Muttly
Diamond Member
lostforgottensoul
VIP Member
I'm having a really hard time this year. Maybe because its the first year that she's dead? I usually gift my step mom and pretend but she is nasty to me now, reminding every day that my family hates me (her words "your family hates you") and why. So it almost feels like she turned just like my mom did. My mom started out, the first 5 yrs of my life and 9 yrs of my brother's, fully "normal" by all accounts until she met my step dad (who was her lover and affair until I was 12).
Anyway, I dont want to hijack the thread about my own confusion and struggle. I can fill up pages about what I started doing again and what is going on in my head. Back in the day, US holidays was some sort of ritual celebration. Mother's Day was no exception. She got everything she wanted from me...
I wish I can put a hault on all holidays. They aren't just another day for me. I wish I could make it that way but I dont know how.
Anyway, I dont want to hijack the thread about my own confusion and struggle. I can fill up pages about what I started doing again and what is going on in my head. Back in the day, US holidays was some sort of ritual celebration. Mother's Day was no exception. She got everything she wanted from me...
I wish I can put a hault on all holidays. They aren't just another day for me. I wish I could make it that way but I dont know how.
D
Deleted member 41765
Yay! Thank you. I plan to sit through a repetitive loop of this tomorrow!!:)
Narcissistic mother abuse which of course has near destroyed my life. Yet i still want her to love me. How pathetic is that? I sent her a gift. Maybe i will call. But, I dont want/need her love like i used to. I know who and what she is. I do it out of respect and i feel sorry for her. She is broken.
Several_Days
New Here
Changing4Best
VIP Member
I want to share a happy and sad story with all of you: One time I was prescribed a medicine that I was highly allergic to. It caused my heart to stop beating and I passed out. A friend called 911 and before I came to, I (in spirit) went to the gates of Heaven. There, calling out "Mommy! Mommy!" to me was my daughter. She was tall like me, looked to be about 20 (and I had miscarried her 20 yrs prior) and she had long dark hair like her father's dark hair. Jesus asked me if I wanted to stay or if I wanted to go. I still felt as if there were things I needed to do on this earth yet, so I said I wanted to come back here. Immediately, I was in an ambulance and I said, "Mommy!" echoing my daughter's voice and then I said, "Jesus." Calling out to God. The place where she was, was very beautiful.... so you see, I am a MOM too, even though some folks would not think so, as I never was able to have children (to bring them to full term).
Cora Lekki
New Here
You are not pathetic. I had to force myself to stop sending my mother gifts.
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