hello I need some support with an issue my husband of 30 years is experiencing. We are both working individuals, he works for UPS and I work for a Member of Congress. We have a history at work, I have 27 years and my husband has 23 years. Most recently, he was under a lot of stress because of a new manager. My husband served in the US Marines in 1978 to 1982. He went to Lebonan where he had experienced killings of good friends. When he was discharged, he became a NYC Policeman. He left the police department after 9 years and after being in the VA hospital for 15 months he began working with the United Parcel Service. Three weeks ago I notice a change in his behavior, he was sleeping a lot going to work late unitil he was dismissed. Now he sleeps all day and doesn't eat. I took him to the primary doctor who referred him to see a neurologist who ordered several tests. Tomorrow he is scheduled for an MRI. I believe he is suffering from PTSD although he has yet to be diagnosed, he did go through an episode more than 20 years ago. I am very emotional because I have never seen my husband this way. I feel lost and alone. Can anyone tell me if PTSD is a form which keeps you from eating sleeping and not remembering anything. He is also very slow in his day to day process. Please share
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- Post starter kdavila59
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Yep. Those are all 3 very common with PTSD.
They're also common with other medical conditions, so it's a good thing he's being checked out by his doctor.
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candletea19
Bronze Member
I obviously do not replace the advice or expertise of doctors or psychologist or anything, but I can share what I'm going through to perhaps give you a bit of insight as a sufferer.
I suffered my trauma about a year and a half ago (Jan 2016), and I did immediately experience symptoms, but since roughly the fall or so it has gotten severe (I can't remember the exact time I noticed when symptoms started to get severe, and honestly ever since that it has been going downhill as I am only relatively fresh into treatment). My motivation has gone, my appetite is ALL over the place. Some days I want to eat all the time, and crave things (often unhealthy fatty sugary foods.. Like right now, I want some Oreo cheesecake haha), and some days I have zero appetite to eat anything, even my most favourite foods.
Since my trauma, my memory has also been in all sorts of shambles, but it depends on the day and what we're talking about. I will often remember appointments (even if it's last minutes) and special events (again, sometimes last minute), but if it's the stuff my brain perceives as mundane, or things that stress me out, or even just for no reason, my brain will forget it. I will forget about what we had for supper, I'll forget certain conversations, though sometimes I will remember them later, and there are details about the trauma and the day of the trauma that I forget (such as whether it was raining or not). My memory is good long term, for the most part. There are events from 8 years ago that I remember well, I remember conversations, what I was wearing on a day where nothing super major happened, and everything like that. But since the trauma and appearance of symptoms, it has become crappy.
As a result of my trauma, with speaking with my doctor and psychologist, I have been officially diagnosed with Major Depressive, PTSD and Anxiety and Panic Disorder. What I'm experiencing in regards to my relationship with my appetite and food and my memory, according to my psychologist, is directly related to what I'm going through, though she didn't say whether one illness was causing it or a mix of all three.
If you are worried about your husband, and think it may be PTSD, it could be worth it to have a discussion about it with him, if you haven't already. If he is suffering, he is suffering untreated and unknowingly, which is always unfortunate and not what anyone wants for their loved ones. You could bring it up to him, and say that you will go with him to speak to his doctor about it, if he and you are comfortable with that. If he has a supporter with him, who is the one who noticed these things about him, it may be helpful.
A discussion is always worthwhile, and even if it not PTSD or anything like Anxiety or Depression, it may be another health issue that you have not ventured into thinking about.
As always, this website is here if you need a chat or need to ask a question. I have found this website, and the chat, extremely helpful. It's nice knowing there are people who are going through similar things, or know people going through similar things, in a space that's free of judgement.
Also, I have to add... proof of my memory here. Between reading your post and writing my answer, I completely forgot you asked about sleeping as well, so I'll add this tidbit of mine in another comment.
My sleeping has also been completely messed up since the trauma. I have a VERY hard time sleeping, though some days are easier than others. I also have an absolutely terrible time trying to wake myself up (using alarms etc), though at the same time some days are opposite. I'll give you last night as an example. At about 8pm I was falling asleep. I fell asleep in the bath, then got out and sat on the couch (aiming to stay awake), and fell asleep for a few minutes. Then sat on the bed to change into my pajamas and fell asleep haha. So I gave up trying to stay awake at about 10, and went to sleep and slept until 10:30 this morning, and I still didn't want to get up then. Though I should add that was the first night in about a year that I got more than about 5 hours total in one night of sleep, but it was not fulfilling sleep. I had multiple flashback style dreams, waking briefly a good few times, and still woke up exhausted.
Just thought I'd give that little tidbit about that in case you wanted to know, or it was helpful.
I suffered my trauma about a year and a half ago (Jan 2016), and I did immediately experience symptoms, but since roughly the fall or so it has gotten severe (I can't remember the exact time I noticed when symptoms started to get severe, and honestly ever since that it has been going downhill as I am only relatively fresh into treatment). My motivation has gone, my appetite is ALL over the place. Some days I want to eat all the time, and crave things (often unhealthy fatty sugary foods.. Like right now, I want some Oreo cheesecake haha), and some days I have zero appetite to eat anything, even my most favourite foods.
Since my trauma, my memory has also been in all sorts of shambles, but it depends on the day and what we're talking about. I will often remember appointments (even if it's last minutes) and special events (again, sometimes last minute), but if it's the stuff my brain perceives as mundane, or things that stress me out, or even just for no reason, my brain will forget it. I will forget about what we had for supper, I'll forget certain conversations, though sometimes I will remember them later, and there are details about the trauma and the day of the trauma that I forget (such as whether it was raining or not). My memory is good long term, for the most part. There are events from 8 years ago that I remember well, I remember conversations, what I was wearing on a day where nothing super major happened, and everything like that. But since the trauma and appearance of symptoms, it has become crappy.
As a result of my trauma, with speaking with my doctor and psychologist, I have been officially diagnosed with Major Depressive, PTSD and Anxiety and Panic Disorder. What I'm experiencing in regards to my relationship with my appetite and food and my memory, according to my psychologist, is directly related to what I'm going through, though she didn't say whether one illness was causing it or a mix of all three.
If you are worried about your husband, and think it may be PTSD, it could be worth it to have a discussion about it with him, if you haven't already. If he is suffering, he is suffering untreated and unknowingly, which is always unfortunate and not what anyone wants for their loved ones. You could bring it up to him, and say that you will go with him to speak to his doctor about it, if he and you are comfortable with that. If he has a supporter with him, who is the one who noticed these things about him, it may be helpful.
A discussion is always worthwhile, and even if it not PTSD or anything like Anxiety or Depression, it may be another health issue that you have not ventured into thinking about.
As always, this website is here if you need a chat or need to ask a question. I have found this website, and the chat, extremely helpful. It's nice knowing there are people who are going through similar things, or know people going through similar things, in a space that's free of judgement.
Also, I have to add... proof of my memory here. Between reading your post and writing my answer, I completely forgot you asked about sleeping as well, so I'll add this tidbit of mine in another comment.
My sleeping has also been completely messed up since the trauma. I have a VERY hard time sleeping, though some days are easier than others. I also have an absolutely terrible time trying to wake myself up (using alarms etc), though at the same time some days are opposite. I'll give you last night as an example. At about 8pm I was falling asleep. I fell asleep in the bath, then got out and sat on the couch (aiming to stay awake), and fell asleep for a few minutes. Then sat on the bed to change into my pajamas and fell asleep haha. So I gave up trying to stay awake at about 10, and went to sleep and slept until 10:30 this morning, and I still didn't want to get up then. Though I should add that was the first night in about a year that I got more than about 5 hours total in one night of sleep, but it was not fulfilling sleep. I had multiple flashback style dreams, waking briefly a good few times, and still woke up exhausted.
Just thought I'd give that little tidbit about that in case you wanted to know, or it was helpful.
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- #5
Wow! Thank you for the insight..I have thought about the inevitable because of my parents both passed in 2015 of dementia, however his brother does believe it is PTSD from all the suppressed issues he has experienced throughout his armed forces days as well as when he was a police officer. Thanks again. Will keep myself open with all the insight in this forum. By the way, I feel so much better...
candletea19
Bronze Member
I'm glad you feel better, and I hope if there is a definitive cause to your husbands change that it is figured out and treated properly, if treatment is needed. Best of luck to you!
Thank you to you and your husband for the sacrifice and service for our freedoms, because they are priceless and I have a tremendous amount of respect for those who serve and their families.
I'm not qualified to diagnose him, but I can share some of my own experience of PTSD (CPTSD even if the DSM book doesn't acknowledge it yet).
When I was undergoing and even following severe repeated traumas I wasn't able to eat hardly, because I was so stressed and tense. If I did eat it was really late at night after several hours of trying to de-stress. Most of the time, I simply couldn't eat because I just wanted to die. I couldn't escape my traumas and I didn't have the nerve to put a gun to my head...but I knew that if I didn't eat, that eventually I would die. It was a slow suicide for me.
I got by on very little sleep, because I was on high alert and in a survival type mode.
Between the lack of eating and the lack of sleep alone, from experience, your brain has a very difficult time processing. Yet, the brain is a powerful organ and may record every little detail(like a videotape)if it can't process it at the time. It's amazing, but very painful when it's trauma and you have to watch the recording over and over again. If he isn't currently undergoing trauma, he may be finally starting to process any past trauma. It's possible if he's not getting any help or therapy and he can't eat or sleep that he is flooded and stuck and may be having flashbacks or reliving his trauma and unable to move past it. If you can imagine being in a pool up to your neck in mud and trying to move through it, that's kind of what the mind goes through.
It's possible also that he's not remembering anything, because he's completely numb and dissociated and literally can't think. When you're completely overwhelmed a person can shut down, because the pain is unbearable.
I sometimes think the supporters go through every bit of agony if not more than the sufferers, because they are the ones day in and day out doing whatever they can even when they're on empty themselves and literally helpless and clueless on what to do. It's like watching your soul mate be tortured, but they can't talk or explain to anyone about their pain.
My heart goes out to you. I hope at least some of this was helpful, but please let me know if you have any questions.
Has your husband been to a therapist?
I'm not qualified to diagnose him, but I can share some of my own experience of PTSD (CPTSD even if the DSM book doesn't acknowledge it yet).
When I was undergoing and even following severe repeated traumas I wasn't able to eat hardly, because I was so stressed and tense. If I did eat it was really late at night after several hours of trying to de-stress. Most of the time, I simply couldn't eat because I just wanted to die. I couldn't escape my traumas and I didn't have the nerve to put a gun to my head...but I knew that if I didn't eat, that eventually I would die. It was a slow suicide for me.
I got by on very little sleep, because I was on high alert and in a survival type mode.
Between the lack of eating and the lack of sleep alone, from experience, your brain has a very difficult time processing. Yet, the brain is a powerful organ and may record every little detail(like a videotape)if it can't process it at the time. It's amazing, but very painful when it's trauma and you have to watch the recording over and over again. If he isn't currently undergoing trauma, he may be finally starting to process any past trauma. It's possible if he's not getting any help or therapy and he can't eat or sleep that he is flooded and stuck and may be having flashbacks or reliving his trauma and unable to move past it. If you can imagine being in a pool up to your neck in mud and trying to move through it, that's kind of what the mind goes through.
It's possible also that he's not remembering anything, because he's completely numb and dissociated and literally can't think. When you're completely overwhelmed a person can shut down, because the pain is unbearable.
I sometimes think the supporters go through every bit of agony if not more than the sufferers, because they are the ones day in and day out doing whatever they can even when they're on empty themselves and literally helpless and clueless on what to do. It's like watching your soul mate be tortured, but they can't talk or explain to anyone about their pain.
My heart goes out to you. I hope at least some of this was helpful, but please let me know if you have any questions.
Has your husband been to a therapist?
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- #8
No he has yet to see a therapist, however we are in the process of completing several medical tests ordered by our neurologist. He sleeps 2 to 3 days without eating anything and he is very thin. On June 8 we will sit with the doctor to discuss his results and at that time we will request to have him see a therapist. It has been 3 weeks since the whole ordeal started and now we are trying to rule out the inevitable. His brother does believe it is PTSD. I try helping by convincing him he needs to eat but the more persistent I am the more he withdraws. Thank you for sharing your experience, I will keep the forum informed on the outcome. At this time, I have filed for disability since he is not able to function at work..
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