Appropriate titles

[futurefocussed]

So i don't want to call my abusive biological father 'dad' anymore, I feel like it's a title he has to earn.

What do you call your 'dad'?

 

[Fadeaway]

Evil incarnate, no joke.

 

[EveHarrington]

Dad, for now.

Things recently went to total crap (to the point of no return). I may just resort to saying "my father" as I feel this is a very cold title. Or maybe I'll just use his first name. (It's already synonymous with the crapper/latrine/toilet, so no further insult is necessary IMHO.)

 

[Ivi]

I never refer to him directly when I see him, he's on my phone as his first name only. But I find it hard to not call him my father when I talk about it. It's something I want to work on, probably will be easier when I've dropped his surname at last.

 

[dulcia]

Friend of mine refers to hers as "Donor" as in sperm donor.

 

[Denial-River]

I never refer to him directly when I see him, he's on my phone as his first name only. But I find it hard t...

I don't know if this is an option for you, but I just call 'him' whatever label-of-reference it takes for the person I am speaking with to know who I am speaking about. For example, my grandmother is reminded that I wish to no longer participate in conversation involving 'her son'. If I am speaking to my therapist, I call him my grandmother's son. She knows who I am talking about, and that's exactly who he is(along with a few other things/names I will refrain from inserting here-lol). If all else fails, I refer to him as 'him' and offer no other details than the head of the household growing up, so on and so forth. After a few rounds of guessing who 'he' is, most people become pretty familiar with the 'he' who shall remain nameless and stop asking specifics. Good luck to you in this regard; all joking aside-it is a very tough thing to navigate, but the payoff of not having to verbally identify with someone like that is absolutely worth a few awkward conversations to get in the habit.
Well wishes,
Roxx

Friend of mine refers to hers as "Donor" as in sperm donor.

Nice; no muss, no fuss! :)

 

[Crow]

When I talk to him, I don't call him anything. I changed my contacts to use his actual name instead of "Dad". Same with my mother.

 

[Denial-River]

Evil incarnate, no joke.

Oh.Snap. I love this! I may have to use this sometime-if it's accurate, why not? :D

 

[gealach]

If I have to mention him, I just say ''my father'' but don't offer any details. To my mom, I'll just say ''him'' or use his first name. I haven't had any contact with him in 12 years (or more). I changed my last name over a decade ago, too.

 

[Friday]

One of my best friends says she was raised by wolves. Personally, I think that's insulting to wolves. :shifty: But it gets the point across.

Another friend uses Latin. The Pater & The Mater.

I call the Ex husband TheEx, when I'm not talking to/around my son. "My exHusband" doesn't have enough distancing language. So TheEx suits. ((When I used to have a phone I would change the number designation around a bit, to amuse myself. Pestilential Prick. Gross. Better Avoided. Warning Minefield. InBreachOf RestrainingOrder. Etc.)) When I'm around my son I call him whatever my son is calling him, unless it's his first name. Which is rare these days. My son only calls us by our first names when he's feeling warm & fuzzy. In his world our names are WHO we are, mom/dad is just something everyone is called. A lot like saying, Hey you. First names are reserved for familiarity. Last names for formality. I do that purely as a kindness to my son. His unfortunate parentage, his choice in nouns.

ETA
:roflmao:

I forgot... It's been a few years since I had a phone. Once I caught on to TheEx cloning my phones? I started assigning his number names I knew would get under his skin; his dad's name, Nancy, Princess, Mediocre, 5'8.5 (he swore he was 5'10), etc. :sneaky: That was fun. :D

 

[EveHarrington]

If I have to mention him, I just say ''my father'' but don't offer any details. To my mom, I'll just...

I'm thinking of doing the same. Did people ask for an explanation?

 

[gealach]

I'm thinking of doing the same. Did people ask for an explanation?

I have a very complicated family situation, most people who know me don't ask because I really never speak about family, there's no pictures, I work holidays, etc. they know something happened and I don't have family, and they never seem to push it. For anyone else, I usually just say it's only mom & me, and they back off. It's honestly never been an issue for me.

It's already synonymous with the crapper/latrine/toilet

His name is devil donut catcher?????