How do you combat gas lighting?

[EveHarrington]

How do you combat gas lighting?

I am trying to remind myself of facts which are real, but I'm still struggling. I'm trying to resist the urge to just go along with the gas lighters (false) version of events in order to make nice, but it's hard. I just want these negative feelings to go away. I know that giving in would stop the conflict for now but would be a bad idea in the long run. (A very bad idea!)

I just have a horrible internal struggle right now and don't want to feel this way. I'm losing a number of relationships with people who support the gas lighters version of reality.

Help?

 

[jade53]

I wish I could answer that. I sympathize completely remembering the early stages of mine years ago when diagnosed as bipolar not knowing where my ex was getting her crazy ideas from and every now and then casually walking into the garage to tear the place apart "chasing ghosts as I called it".

There's a tremendous amount of information about it on you tube now that's worth studying to determine the best way of dealing with your "narc". From my own experience my advice is not to be complacent if you know the source because unaddressed their lies will invariably become truth, but it is extremely difficult to deal with.

Good luck

 

[Ronin]

Wish I knew.

Currently I'm at 'Find things that comfort you regardless of what else is, or is not, true.'

Double binds aren't something one can battle while in them. It's maddening & lethal. Other options & things outside of them / that the gaslight effects smaller or not at all in your life, are a better escape.

 

[scout86]

How do you combat gas lighting?

I don't. At least not directly. I take the approach of basically saying "That's an interesting way of looking at things" and walking away. I've had 0 luck trying to change anyone's mind in situations that seem to involve gas lighting and arguing the point just makes me feel even crazier. It also seems to get others even more entrenched in their own view of things. I work at recognizing that the reason things seem to be crazy is that they are, then chose not to play.

Where that gets really tricky is when I'm not sure which version of reality is most accurate, mine or theirs. And, it's possible we're all way off, just in different directions.

 

[Ronin]

Where that gets really tricky is when I'm not sure which version of reality is most accurate, mine or theirs.

I'm in the process of deciding it doesn't really matter, motive & effects do.

If their 'reality' is just out to cause harm & destroy lives no matter what, and cannot be reasoned with, as there's no space for humanity in it and compassion? It doesn't matter even if they by chance were 'right', because it's a cruel world I don't want to live in anyway.

 

[One step at a time]

For a while, I wrote down everything I did and every conversation I had that I suspected I might be gaslit about later. I chose to trust those written records with all my might, no matter what was later said or done. As @scout86 said, you are unlikely to convince them of anything, but at least you will have a written record for yourself.

(but also, I'm not at sure it was healthy? and it definitely was not possible whenever memory problems kicked in... so, as always, your mileage may vary)

 

[scout86]

I'm in the process of deciding it doesn't really matter, motive & effects do.

I think that's a really good point. I have a hard time deciding about other people's motives but it seems like, in the end, if their intentions are actually good, they are TRYING to sort things out. If it starts to look like the Abbott & Costello "Who's on First?" routine, it's time to walk away. (For those of you who aren't familiar with ancient American comedy routines, this one is worth checking out. There's no way I can explain it that would do it justice. It really demonstrates the kind of conversation you DON'T want to get into, in the real world. THE BEST: Abbott and Costello - Who's on first [classic] (REMASTERED) HD)