Ready to quit doing trauma therapy

[whiteraven]

I don't really know you that well, so I just want to share a little of what I went through. I do have DID and major depressive disorder, and over the last year or so, I've had severe PTSD symptoms that have only recently settled down a bit.

I went through several years of intensive therapy after being diagnosed with the DID, and I only got worse. The therapist I saw was a DID "specialist," and he kept telling me that things always get worse before they get better. Yeah, whatever. Anyway, I never got better with him. I eventually had to leave him, because (well, because he threw things at me, but...) I wasn't doing things the way he wanted me to and I wasn't about to, so I stopped going and started looking for someone a little less intense.

While I was seeing him, my insiders were all over the place. Out all the time, very hyped up, not in control at all. He said this was good, for a variety of reasons. I was totally not happy with it, because I could barely function at work and I felt terrible all of the time (when I could remember it). But, you know. Necessary for healing.

The therapist I found after him was so much different. Also a specialist, but with a completely different approach. More concerned with functionality and stabilizing than about dredging up every single memory and processing it. We talked about past stuff, but not with the same intensity. We worked on cooperation and daily stuff. This led to more discussions about things that happened in the past, but in a much easier and casual sort of way. And this approach, which I have continued until today, has brought me nearly complete stabilization with my insiders. Now, I still have issues with my past and with the PTSD, but I don't dissociate like I did (actually, not really at all).

One of my issues was that I was experiencing new traumas on a frequent basis (as recently as the beginning of the year). It became nearly impossible for me to process old stuff, when new stuff kept cropping up. My therapist didn't get that and, because he was very traditional in his approach, he really made me feel bad because I didn't want to continually work on old stuff.

I know there is a lot of controversy around the "best" way to heal, and I'm really not interested in debating that here. I just wanted to share what worked for me in gaining some stabilization during an immensely chaotic time for me. I have found that, for me, sometimes stepping outside the box is necessary to find a solution when going with traditional techniques doesn't work.

I hope you find some peace and a workable solution.

 

[Punky143]

I don't really know you that well, so I just want to share a little of what I went through. I do hav...

Thank you. On a day like this, I feel so alone. I'm very similar to you because I have past stuff and more recently newer trauma's. They provoke/trigger everything. My parts are everywhere and everyone of them has tons to say. I like my T and she's qualified and I don't feel a need to go elsewhere, too much invested. My mind and body rule the days...

 

[Russell2017]

I can completly understand everything in your post. I realy hate when they say you are doing better or you seem to be handling it better when your realy only getting worse.

I don't really know you that well, so I just want to share a little of what I went through. I do hav...

Thank you. On a day like this, I feel so alone. I'm very similar to you because I have past stuff and...

How can you not feel alone with it? Things keep stacking on far quicker than you can deal with things. I don't even know when, how or who to open up to on here.

 

[Punky143]

I can completly understand everything in your post. I realy hate when they say you are doing better...

Me too. If my not so nice parts would allow the journal to be seen by my T, she will hopefully have more understanding. I get she wants to point out any positives but its as if something bad needs to happen for a response. She knows the evil parts want us gone- for good. But she doesn't know the extent of how much torture they do to me and say to me. And its only getting worse...I don't want to become a statistic

 

[Russell2017]

Me too. If my not so nice parts would allow the journal to be seen by my T, she will hopefully have mo...

I hope the journal helps her to understand.

 

[Punky143]

I hope the journal helps her to understand.

It usually does open her eyes: literally. Because some draw things too

 

[joeylittle]

I've been through DBT twice and my brain is still like this.

I'm sorry to hear that. Important to remember, though, that DBT doesn't change your brain. It is something that needs to be constantly and consistently applied.

I get she wants to point out any positives but its as if something bad needs to happen for a response.

You should tell her this. And this is also a hallmark symptom of BPD. I'm harping, I know. You can take it or leave it.

I don't want to become a statistic.

Then don't. At the least, talk to your therapist about making a safety contract and/or emergency plan. To do otherwise is flat out irresponsible.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I'm sorry to hear that. Important to remember, though, that DBT doesn't change your brain. It is something that needs to be constantly and consistently applied.

I am living proof that this is true. Medicated or not, my DBT workbook is one thing that gets constant use. Read it and work through it many times over. I will stablize as much as I can for a while, constantly applying DBT concepts to my life, become destablized and have to pick it back up and go through it again. Like PTSD, BPD is all about management which means that you need to constantly apply the concepts to your life. Eventually they become second nature, I believe, but that is still a constistant applying those concepts to your life. It does not change your brain. It gives you new coping skills and new concepts to apply to your life.

If the DBT workbook isn't enough then you need to go through the full DBT class. But other then medication and before I took the medication, DBT was the one thing and only thing that worked to help me stabilze a bit. Trauma processing and DID work takes time but DBT and applying those concepts is something that can be done right now that can help. Just saying that is something I did that helped greatly.

 

[whiteraven]

Thank you. On a day like this, I feel so alone. I'm very similar to you because I have past stuff and...

Yeah. *Hugs* if ok.

 

[Punky143]

I am living proof that this is true. Medicated or not, my DBT workbook is one thing that get...

Hi, I've been through DBT twice but like everything else, I have to do again and again. I remember teachers being puzzled by my lack of ability to recall any information. I seem to go into my own world and it wasn't until my adulthood I was diagnosed with ADD. It's very frustrating

Yeah. *Hugs* if ok.

Thank you, appreciated

 

[joeylittle]

I remember teachers being puzzled by my lack of ability to recall any information. I

Were you filling out the worksheets daily (the cards) on your own?

Did you have the phone support? Did you use it?

Did anything improve, even just while you were in it?

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Hi, I've been through DBT twice but like everything else, I have to do again and again. I remember teachers being puzzled by my lack of ability to recall any information. I seem to go into my own world and it wasn't until my adulthood I was diagnosed with ADD. It's very frustrating

I think its just the design of it. Its coping tools and stuff and so you maybe actively using it for, say, a month but then more stress happens or more just time and you aren't using the tools as much and you become unstable or just "woobly", then you need to refresh on it and start reapplying the concepts again. Its how I have seen it happen in my life. Ive been through the book about 4 times. And I am also on Seriquel XR for this reason, emotional regulation, anxiety, and just overall stablility and don't have ADD and still have to go back through it after some time. I think after some time it becomes second nature but for me, its a well used book.