For how long is it "ok" to rely on your therapist?

[Deleted member 42665]

I have been going for 2 months.... and this past week was the first time, I was crazy overwhelmed with emotions I did not know how to process. Its also the first time I am back to weekly after a few weeks of 2x a week (it was more of a crisis time for me)

I have been fighting the urge to call/email him for days. I did email him Friday and he replied so I don't wanna do it again this week, while he doesn't care, I do. I don't wanna feel too reliant. At the same time, he has said I can call him "just to talk" but I did that last week and I don't wanna abuse that privilege.

So how long is it ok to feel you need to rely on them? Right now he is my only real life support system. I have no local friends and my family sucks. I have an out of state friend but we only text.

I feel awful needing him and such, and I know the end goal is to not need him, so I just need to know is 2 months to long to still feel you need them? Should I let him know on Friday I went through this emotional hell for days?

 

[Tornadic Thoughts]

Perhaps adjust your end goal. Arriving in a space of feeling okay to receive and ask for the help being offered is more important than feeling the need to not need them, from my point of view and various experiences.

I struggled with feeling too needy at first, too, especially after finally finding a good working relationship with a counselor and other practitioners. Then I realized that was all a part of how I'd been conditioned. A learned behavior planted by the seeds of abuse and neglect.

You're very much worth the help. Learn how to become more comfortable in receiving it and asking for it. I found practicing all of the helpful things while I was not in distress helped when I reached the moments of desperation. Wishing you well.

 

[Deleted member 42665]

Perhaps adjust your end goal. Arriving in a space of feeling okay to receive and ask for the...

So you're saying try not to be afraid to call/email and stop restricting myself otherwise?? or am I missing your point in the first part?

 

[Tornadic Thoughts]

Yes. Try to work on accepting the help being offered and try to learn to be okay with asking for the help when you feel you need it. Those were two difficult areas that kept me from reaching out for quite some time. Perhaps make that the topic of your next session?

 

[Deleted member 42665]

Yes. Try to work on accepting the help being offered and try to learn to be okay with asking...

we talk about it often, he knows I struggle with it so he is always reassuring me its ok... I DID call him last week which was hard for me to do and i emailed friday, just dont wanna overdo either thing... i wanna stay in a non annoying stage for that. I will ask him to clarify how much is ok though.

 

[Eagle3]

I've been with my T for over 2 years, and I still need him, desperately. He's out of town this week, so I'm shut down to deal with my life without having him here, and he knows it. I "could" contact him if I absolutely needed to, but barring imminent suicidal urges, I won't do that. I respect his space, while at the same time respecting my own need to need him. You'll need your T as long as it takes to work stuff out, and a few months is barely enough time to set foundations for further work! Be patient with yourself and the process, this stuff won't go away overnight. It takes time, sometimes lots of it, but you have to go at your own pace, no one else's. And yes, learning to accept the help being offered is a huge step forward. That's one I had to work on for quite some time, and I'm still not good at it.

 

[Deleted member 42665]

I've been with my T for over 2 years, and I still need him, desperately. He's out of town this week, so I'...

ya i need to work on it more, i only did the phone thing once and i do email usually once a week but sometimes not at all. i need to know the specifics on when its ok to call or email.... and how much, so ill address it friday.

 

[UnicornSightings]

If he's good he will know the boundaries. That's his job while you're still learning. So trust that. Trust that he will let you know where the line is should you overstep it.

I'm at just over 2 years and crazy attached to my therapist. I don't reach out a lot but learning to accept the feelings I have is difficult. What I've arrived at (and it's a process) is that, right now, while I'm talking about things I've never discussed before, it's ok to like her so much. And if I didn't, this wouldn't work. There needs to be some strong connection in order for this to work. Roll with it and be grateful if you can for it. You won't have it for forever.

 

[Deleted member 42665]

"You won't have it for forever."

Ya that is the shitty part to think about :(

 

[UnicornSightings]

"You won't have it for forever."

Ya that is the shitty part to think about :(

Haha crap no I didn't mean it like that. Ok. It doesn't feel like it but the attachment will lessen when you're ready to go and more so as time goes by. And that's sad but good. So what I meant is, while you're in therapy and while it's strong, use it!

 

[Deleted member 42665]

Haha crap no I didn't mean it like that. Ok. It doesn't feel like it but the attachment will l...

i just dont get why people have to quit though? if therapists go to therapy and many people advise that everyone should see a therapist.. then why does it ever have to end? i mean lessen over time sure but i feel its good for those times life throws you a curveball and you need some objective listening, ya know? i dont want to mess around with new T's either though, so if i have to quit with this one at some point, i wont get that lucky again, so i wont try

ya i get what you mean. makes sense. ill ask him on friday if maybe i can let him know via phone or email if i feel some week i need an extra session, or if i can just email some random thoughts sometimes... idk. usually i only email things i reflected on from the last session

 

[UnicornSightings]

i just dont get why people have to quit though? if therapists go to therapy and many people advise t...

You can stay forever. A lot of people do. You're 2 months in, right? You may feel differently later. I know I've thought I wanted to always stay. I still sorta think it. But I'm stronger. I'm more resilient. I trust myself more. I think I can handle things. I'm not in a RUSH by any means but I no longer think I need to always be going to see my most amazing T in order to be ok. Which is good. And sucky. But I also know when I do decide to leave that she will be there for me should I ever need her. Unless she's not, like if she moves to France or something. But in that case I could find someone else. There are a lot of good therapists out there. I wouldn't sweat it so much right now. Enjoy the ride of unlimited compassion, trust and compassion.