For how long is it "ok" to rely on your therapist?

[UnicornSightings]

You can stay forever. A lot of people do. You're 2 months in, right? You may feel differently...

I meant acceptance. Although if double compassion floats your boat then rock on lol

 

[kilted]

Part of having a therapist is to learn appropriate boundaries..... which means becoming aware of what is problematic in our own lives around boundaries and being able to live life to the full.

The therapist offers to be present for their client for a fee. It is not a friendship, it is a contractual business relationship, albeit an unusual one where attachment issues and transference are expected and worked with.

The feelings of wanting to contact the therapist are indications of issues that need to be addressed, they are the symptoms of wanting external assistance to sooth ourselves because we don't now how to do it ourselves.

It's part of the process, and it's the work of therapy to increase one's ability to modulate ones own emotional process.

What you are feeling is a symptom of the issue you are seeing a therapist about, so in that respect it's expected, but part of the treatment may well be learning to live with the sensations until the next appointment.

 

[Changing4Best]

I started off with twice a week. Then after a few months maybe, I forget exactly, it was once a week. Then once every other week once I was more stable, and that was for a year or more. Now I go only once a month. I write her email inbetween. She is a fast reader and an avid onliner, we are friends of FaceBook even. I know she reads my stuff on FB too, so she mentions having read it in session sometimes.

I think it is not a good idea to feel guilty about contacting them between sessions. They know that stuff com es up during those times and they are equipped to handle things with you between sessions, as long as they are not in session with someone at that moment. It is their job to CARE ABOUT YOU and they do. If you feel your does not care about you, you have the wrong one. They would not keep you as a patient if they did not care about you. Really!

If you contact your therapist too often, you will be informed of that somehow. You won't get a reply, or you'll get a late reply or you will be told that it is too often. So don't worry about that. If he said it was OK to contact him just to talk, most likely he meant it. Take advantage of that! It is pricelessly valuable.

I email mine. This way I can express myself and all, take my time, and when she has time, she can reply. She even gave me her home phone number. I only used it once, when I was in the hospital. It is for emergencies. Obviously.

 

[EmmaOwl]

I meant acceptance. Although if double compassion floats your boat then rock on lol

I really thought you meant it that first way! I think I prefer it. ;)

 

[EveHarrington]

i just dont get why people have to quit though? if therapists go to therapy and many people advise t...

I think we go to therapy in order to learn how to cope on our own and be independent. If you're going to a therapist that just talks with you every week and doesn't teach you to be self sufficient, then therapy could go on indefinitely. But this kind of therapy teaches dependence instead of independence. Trauma therapy usually teaches us coping skills so that we can be independent and learn how to cope with tough times on our own.

 

[Friday]

i just dont get why people have to quit though? if therapists go to therapy and many people advise that everyone should see a therapist.. then why does it ever have to end? i mean lessen over time sure but i feel its good for those times life throws you a curveball and you need some objective listening, ya know? i dont want to mess around with new T's either though, so if i have to quit with this one at some point, i wont get that lucky again, so i wont try.

Does it help to consider therapy like school?

People excel at different things. The most amaaaaazing kindergarten teacher might be a terrible middle school teacher. The lessons a person needs to learn in kindergarten? Are vitally important. But you won't need to be learning the alphabet for 12 years.

Same token? There's no need to be terrified of University, and what are you going to do without nap time, and who is going to help you potty, and, and, and :eek: 2 months into kindergarten, right? There's an order to things. Just because you really need an amazing kindergarten teacher, and help reaching the sink to wash your hands when you're 5? Doesn't mean you'll still need those things when you're 20. Carts & horses.

Ditto, deciding that because you have the best ever kindergarten teach that you're not going to go to college (or second grade!) ... Doesn't actually make a lot of sense, right? Same thing with therapy. You can have an amazing therapist now, and still move on.

What's scary now? Will be cake later. It doesn't have to all exist at the same time and stay that way forever. It would be just as cruel to put a 5yo in university as it would be to refuse to let a 10/15/20yo move out of kindergarten onto the next level.

Part of good education / good therapy is helping prepare students & clients for the next level. So that they step into it seamlessly. Each step built upon the last. It's okay to have a therapist forever, just like it's okay to stay in school forever. Perfectly healthy, rational, competent people do both. But their needs change over time as they do. Even if one stays with the same person? What they're working on, on day 1 is very different than what they're working on 10 years later.

It's okay for things to change, and they will change, and that's not a bad thing.

 

[Changing4Best]

My therapist taught me this week that it is not a good idea to add anything to the word "No." She explained that trying to explain WHY your answer is "No." just leads up to a doorway for the person to try to change your answer into a "Yes." or a "Maybe later." She said that 'No." is a complete sentence and needs no explanation.

I had tried to explain a "No." and it had gone really badly. So I have to agree now, that if I simply had said, "No thank you." maybe the disaster that ensued might have been avoided. I don't know for sure, but I think her advice is sound and I am going to use it.

I am in my mid-60s now, but I am not too old to learn new things! This is something I do believe I will remember and use in the future. It makes therapy very worthwhile the time and the money.

 

[talon]

I have been going for 2 months.... and this past week was the first time, I was crazy overwhelmed wi...

for as long as it takes to get a full recovery . Co-operation and communication is the key . I wish you well

 

[EmmaOwl]

part of the treatment may well be learning to live with the sensations until the next appointment.[/QUOT...

That is a really interesting perspective.. I would never have come up with that one, but it makes a lot of sense.

I often text my therapist random stuff over the week, and he's much more likely to respond to some funny offhand remark. If there's something really bothering me, he's more likely to let it go, and maybe bring it up in the next session.