This is why we end up dead

[EveHarrington]

I just called they day program. They said that I'm not high risk enough because I wasn't admitted to the psych ward for my suicide attempt even though I was psychotic and in the med wing for 4 days!!!!!

NOT A HIGH RISK?!?!?

Dear god, I won't tell you what I took but it was twice the toxic level. Meaning out of all my attempts, this one had the power to do me in.

Just because from what I can tell the psych ward was full and they were figuring out who to let go.

And I ended up on the chopping block.

She said if I had another hospitalization my case would be better.

I told her that my last attempt practically killed me. The next one I might not be so lucky.

I don't know what to do at this point.

Maybe God is telling me that I don't deserve help.

I had so much hope. Now not so much.

 

[Justmehere]

Oh geez, I'm so sorry Eve. What a dunce!

Did they have any suggestions? Can your community mental health center provide options? Can you appeal to a supervisor for at least help getting by connected somewhere? I'd be clear as possible about your concerns that the thoughts and intent to die will come back.

My state is super duper low in resources. Actively suicidal people are often kept in ERs for DAYS, instead of inpatient psych wards, because there is no room for even inpatient care. IOPs are even harder to get into. It is horrible. And to some degree, you are right - so many falling through the cracks means many more die without help.

God doesn't tell people they don't deserve help. That's not an actual thing that happens. I dunno why this is all the way it is, but you do deserve help, just like everyone else stupidly deemed not high enough risk when spots are full.

Suicide does not have to be your fate. Keep fighting to live. I wish I had better suggestions, but don't give up.

 

[Beans]

@EveHarrington I don't have any advice, but please hang in there. You're supposed to be here and you deserve help. You reached out and that's amazing! Try to be kind to yourself. You're doing far better than you give yourself credit for. Baby steps. Sending lots of positive and loving thoughts your way.

 

[Deleted member 37474]

:hug: To you. I am very angry about what just happened here. I care about you. Please hang in there. Maybe this is a sign that you will find an even better program. Don't give up!

 

[NewBeginnings]

I just called they day program. They said that I'm not high risk enough because I wasn't admitted...

That is absurd. Sorry that you were told such a thing. I believe you will get the help you need but this was just wrong. Sorry this is such a hard time for you. Stay connected - here or call help lines -you can get through this.
You have been "paying it forward" through your support on this site- you have no idea but your feedback and insight have been super helpful for me. You have so much to share. Thank you and stay connected!

 

[Friday]

Maybe turn it around? I know you've been afraid that no one will take you because you're too suicidal, to have been told you're actually not suicidal enough for the day program, might allay your fears about finding a therapist? Or a DBT program? Or a trauma focused inpatient care?

 

[EveHarrington]

I know when I need more than once a week therapy. I know when I need more help.

I am being denied because of a TECHNICALITY------the psych ward was too full to take me.

I can't handle this.

I am sorry.

 

[EveHarrington]

I'm looking into other local non trauma treatment options as that's all I'm eligible for at this time. My guess is that I will be spending a few weeks at a local private psychiatric hospital. At least it will be completely free even though they don't really treat trauma. I have no other options at this point.

If you missed my last posts, I am NOT eligible for residential or hospital trauma treatment as I do not have a therapist at this time.

On a side note, I would like to scream at that stupid intake toad who told me that another hospital psych ward visit would make me eligible for their program, knowing FULL WELL how I got into the hospital last time and knowing FULL WELL that the only way to get into the hospital psych ward would be to have an even worse suicide attempt. (Yes I pointed this out to her on the phone.)

Not high risk my ass. (Per their words, no, I am not high risk.)

 

[Deleted member 42783]

I do not understand how you can be deemed "not high risk" after a clear suicide attempt. I'm still new to a lot of this but it's not like you were looking for an inpatient bed right? Its an outpatient program. How can you not make the cut?

I'm sorry you are feeling rejected by God. You're not. You've been rejected by bureaucrats. They have no souls.

 

[EveHarrington]

I do not understand how you can be deemed "not high risk" after a clear suicide attempt. I'm still n...

It's bureaucratic red tape BS.

According to their criteria, one is "high risk" if they've been admitted to a psych ward in the past 3 months.

I had a near death suicide attempt and was on one-on-one (constant suicidal watch) when I was in the hospital. I was psychotic at one point (no memory of this.) I have no memory of 3 days.

The psych ward doc did an assessment of me on Monday (attempt was the previous Friday morning) and since I was no longer feeling suicidal (4 days after my attempt), and had a stable home to go home to (my moms house), I was let go and not admitted. The doc appeared to be trying to weed out the best from the worst. MOST psych wards are in great flux on Mondays. (It was a Monday.) They are trying to figure out who can be released from the psych ward (the ones who came in over the weekend), figure out who on the medical floors needs to go to the psych ward, and so on.

So because of this------I am, by their definition, not high risk.

I struggle with suicidal thoughts every day. I have all I need but haven't made another attempt. It is HARD. Most days I don't want to live. It would be so much easier if it was all over. I really don't have much hope left. :-/

 

[Deleted member 42783]

@EveHarrington
I am an RN on a geriatric psych ward. I've only worked there six months and I know that the criteria for my unit is probably different from where you were placed but still. . .something is not right. I get that the doctor had to triage you out. What I don't understand is why your medical record up until that point doesn't count. Your exact physical location in the hospital doesn't negate your suicide attempt or your psychotic status. Again. Sorry you are dealing with this nonsense. Is the day program that full that they can't possibly include you?

 

[Joan]

I am so sorry Eve....I totally get that point when you totally go out there on a limb and ask for help only to be slapped in the face. "The system" sucks. So glad that you are still here and so hope that you can find the right place/program etc. You are not alone...