I can't find the line...

[Muttly]

Why would anyone say "I told you so"? You tried something. that's good and brave. it didn't work. That happens. This is just a moment in your recovery, not a judgement on your whole process.

 

[EveHarrington]

Why would anyone say "I told you so"? You tried something. that's good and brave. it didn't work. That h...

Because I was told this program wasn't a good thing.

 

[Muttly]

Ok, you were told. It's your life though and your healing journey. You are allowed to try things and find out for yourself it's a good thing or bad thing.

I would hope that folks here would recognize that "I told you so" is a form of judgement and condemnation not necessary.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I also wouldn't tell you (or anyone) "I told you so". I thought the day program was a good step, personally.

Are there any other groups of any kind around? Maybe starting with just the DBT workbook alone would be better to start with? It was for me. I couldn't do groups due to massive terror of people and groups so I had to buy the workbook and go through it alone.

Either way, you took a step in your healing jounrney. Whether it worked out or not, that was very brave to do! Kudos to you!

 

[EveHarrington]

Ok, you were told. It's your life though and your healing journey. You are allowed to try things and fin...

I am expecting the "I told you so" response because people here are brutally honest.

 

[EveHarrington]

I also wouldn't tell you (or anyone) "I told you so". I thought the day program was a good s...

This was the only kind of program in my area. There is another program but it's a few hours away. I don't think I could handle the commute.

 

[Tinyflame]

I get this. For me it's not the commute, that has been ok, but the violence in the transfer area, or potential. Second last time a guy nearly rolled over me, I did the only 'useful' thing and laughed and said sorry- twice, then he said 'I 'm hung over, I need a gun. That's a narc (driving by), nope it's a john'. :(

:hug::hug::hug::hug:

 

[joeylittle]

But @EveHarrington - you are holding yourself up to an impossible standard. You said "I couldn't even make it through one day", as if that first day was supposed to be easy...it's not. It's a super-strange environment. I think it took me most of my first week to figure out how to be in the room, how to stay present, how to feel comfortable talking (didn't quite ever conquer that one), and I was constantly worried I was too needy.

But if you can work through those reactions, and slowly let yourself acclimate, then the information can start to get in.

I'm not being pushy or trying to tell you what to do. But I was so struck by the self-blame in that statement, couldn't even make it through one day...when it's normal for those first days to be extra hard.

So I guess this might be a place where I'd say, you can push yourself a little harder. Give it til Friday. Take as many breaks outside the room as you need, but keep showing up and try and participate to the best of your ability. If you still think it's just too uncomfortable by end of day Friday, ask one of the workers to stay and do your exit interview. (Day programs usually plan to have any number of participants stay a little longer for everything from check-ins to discharges).

 

[Deleted member 41765]

So I guess this might be a place where I'd say, you can push yourself a little harder. Give it til Friday.

I think I agree with @joeylittle, but please hear me out! I'm not in a day program, but have recently begun a 2 hour per week therapy group. I The first night was akin to being forced to sit on broken glass (or some such other horrible metaphor--cackling chicken perhaps?). I'm four weeks in and I still hate it but trying to find a deeper place that wants what might be best for me. I also want to add to the echo--It's not stupid.

 

[Tornadic Thoughts]

I've had to start spacing out the times I attend a weekly support group based on not being able to handle the overwhelmingly strong angry energies of a participant. At first, I thought it was just a few bad days/events/circumstances that was being actively processed, but it's become a very regular scenario that's a bit too much to digest every single time.

I very much enjoy their company, otherwise, in casual discussions, and we have many common interests, but immersing myself in an environment that I already know is going to totally drain me and negatively effect my thought patterns has to be done in small doses and totally avoided on the days I clearly don't have the carrying capacity for my own baggage, much less someone else's.

In a way it sucks to not be sure which way it's going to go once I arrive, but in another way it's helpful to get me out of my own mind, if that makes sense. It's also giving me chances to practice gently communicating my concerns more openly rather than totally cutting it all out, or snapping sans filter, and/or working hard at remaining incredibly uncomfortable by making it my mission to keep quiet for fear of hurting the feelings of another. It also reminds me how incredibly vulnerable I still feel, even among folks I like. That's never comfortable.

Our feelings aren't stupid, ever, nor are they facts. We've just been made to think they are our whole lives by various people who didn't/don't know how to healthily manage their own. Best wishes in finding that space, both within and externally.

 

[EveHarrington]

I went back today.

The people are very nice and inclusive.

At the end of the day a few of us were playing this list 5 game.... I hate to sound like a p*ssy but I felt ridiculed for my mind blanks during the game. It didn't feel good to be made fun of for something I can't help. I know the others didn't know any better, didn't know is a product of my disorder, but it still hurt. I just wanted to say "it's f*cking obvious we don't have the same disorder/you don't have PTSD". But didn't. But still, I came closest to winning.

I'm supposed to go back tomorrow but not sure I will.

I met with my coordinator and now I'm freaked out about not meeting their quota for days attended. I don't want to get kicked out. Minimum is 12 a month or something like that. Not sure.

I'm just so stressed. :cry:

 

[Scarlet13]

I think finding the line is difficult. I can relate to what you are experiencing with the annoying laugh and people making comments if you are having mind blanks.
The balance to me comes into play when you think about self care. It is good to push yourself and to tolerate experiences, but it is also good to practice self care. I struggle with over pushing myself and with self care like I sort of want myself to be uncomfortable. Then I switch to complete avoidance of life and I end laying in bed in the fetal position. There is a balance there some how, like a sort of gleaning. Are there aspects of the group that you like? Are you getting something out of it?