Relationship Did i resume contact too soon?

[MaggieRose6117]

Hi guys
Just wondering if I resumed contact too soon since he pulled away and seemed to be needing space? He always responds to my texts, just that this time around it's taken him hours and his replies have been brief and closed off (no emotional disclosures). After ten days, I send him a text of a yellow flower and a yellow heart just to show him I'm there for him in the background. Was it too soon? Not a good idea? :(

 

[Sweetpea76]

I'd give him a little space now. Wait for him to respond you you. He will when he is ready.

 

[EveHarrington]

I think if waiting a few hours for a text response you in distress, this relationship isn't the best for you.

 

[MaggieRose6117]

I think if waiting a few hours for a text response you in distress, this relationship isn't the b...

It's not distressing per se, it's just different to his usual responses. I am trying to figure out if he needs more space or not.

I am finding the responses on this forum very discouraging. I'm trying to understand someone who asked me for help in the first place, which is not the easiest thing, yet I don't get much encouragement. Perhaps this is why people walk away from those with PTSD. There isn't much support from other sources.

 

[Sighs]

The responses are realistic. PTSD is a lifelong disorder. It can be managed but not cured.

Who are you looking for encouragement from? Him? Not going to happen when he is isolating. May not happen even when he is not.
Us? Most of us have been through too much heartache ourselves to be a cheer squad for the "love will save him" line of thinking.

People walk away from those with PTSD because it's incredibly hard to support someone long term. It is emotionally draining and sometimes physically and financially draining as well.

 

[Glara]

There's no way to know how soon is too soon. I've been through what you're describing. I didn't know what to do, what was correct. Ultimately he became very symptomatic and eventually broke up with, and texted a week later.

My situation is different because we are long distance. At this point I live my life in my state. I have no plans of a future with him. Sometimes he texts a lot and other times he goes MIA. The few times I've seen him, he still keeps me at arms length. It works for me at this time because we are long distance and both have very good jobs that we shouldn't give up.

It started out much differently. He texted and called all the time, good morning, good night and everything in between. Gradually his texts got further apart and I got confused. Eventually I broke it off and he freaked out.

I guess you just have to decide what works for you. I'm not getting what I wanted, but it fits into my life right now. I don't know if I'll do this forever. I just take it one day at a time.

 

[Sweetpea76]

PTSD relationships are hard and ugly a lot of times. There is no nicer way to put it. I love my sufferer very much, but this relationship has been a mindf*ck. It's hard to be a partner to somebody with a mental illness.

 

[Deleted member 34328]

am finding the responses on this forum very discouraging.

I agree with you. It does sound discouraging and rather bleak. One thing to remember - and possibly look up or research, is that ptsd is a very painful experience based on real life trauma. Things that should never happen to people.

You've obviously struck a chord with him and he feels a great measure of safety. Has he spoken to you at all about his past? Has he invited you into that part of his life? As long as you remain a constant and support him whether he answers or not, you may be a lifeline that you aren't aware of. Don't give up.

I love my sufferer very much, but this relationship has been a mindf*ck. It's hard to be a partner to somebody with a mental illness.

I'd like to add something a tad personal? I don't mean any disrespect at all, but I'm a little hurt by that comment. As a sufferer, it's hard to wonder if my husband feels the same way you do.

I know I'm not the easiest person to be around and my husband does have to pick up the slack. What your comment suggests is that even though he does love me, I an f-ing hard person to take care of.

Perhaps you didn't intend for it to come across that way, but for me, it did.

 

[Sweetpea76]

This is a supporter section @stp2012. You're not the first sufferer to read threads over here and get offended.

The truth of the matter is that it is very hard to be in a relationship with somebody who has PTSD. We as supporters need help and support too. That's what this section is about. If you can't read these threads without projecting things onto yourself or getting offended, then this probably isn't the best section for you to be reading.

 

[Deleted member 34328]

Ok. Didn't realize. I'll check the categories a little closer on the daily email next time.

Still... I've encouraged my husband to seek help many times. Maybe someday he will and benefit greatly from this category.

Just rather painful to realize just how supporters feel sometimes....(of course you need to vent and be supported as well) Maybe that's not a bad thing.

 

[Deleted member 541]

@MaggieRose6117 Not being disrespectful at all when I at this.... If you think that you are getting very discouraged from some of the responses..... Try being a sufferer. I know that it's hard of you supporters, and I commend everyone of you, and i feel sorry when I read that one of you are having a tough time dealing with your other half because they have PSTD, I get it.

Try putting the shoe on the other foot. It ain't easy for us either, actually at times, it's sheer hell and death would be welcomed at times....

I'm sorry that you are struggling, but until he does some big time work on himself, it ain't going to change!!!!

 

[Sweetpea76]

Being a supporter is a learning process. Asking questions is part of it. Even if they seem like basic questions.

PTSD Relationship issues can be a punch in the gut. The push-pull is confusing and upsetting. This isn't the kind of thing that typically happens in normal relationships. "I love you, I love you, I love you... but f*ck off and don't talk to me." It's hard to understand The hows and whys of that. People get confused and ask questions.

Sometimes supporters have to consider their own emotions before worrying about their how their sufferers are feeling. Usually the default is tiptoeing around their partner. Tiptoeing gets exhausting.

@MaggieRose6117 its hard to say what his issue is. You cannot blame yourself for doing the "wrong thing." Whatever is going on is going on in his head. You cannot do the magical "right thing" and fix it. All you can do is give him space if he is not responding to you. I'd take that as a non-verbal cue for space.

Link Removed