Unfair Accusations

[PookieBear]

I am ashamed to admit I have unfairly and wrongfully accused my fiancee of cheating on me and being dishonest. I've known since I met Tasia that she would never do anything to hurt me. But, my lack of self worth and insecurities have caused me to treat her poorly. I believe I did this because I wanted her and everyone else around me to feel the same pain I feel. I can't believe I hurt her so much. If I actually thought she was capable of cheating on me, I woulod have never committed myself to her. I feel like a piece of sh*t for my false accusations to her.

 

[Zipperhead]

Pushing people away is what we do best Pookie. Damage control might be the order of the day. Any luck of finding that therapist yet? The VA here said I should have an answer sometime this week. They might not be the easiest to deal with, but they are free.

 

[Jimmy1]

I am thinking of buying a permanent flashing banner that says 'I am sorry' and a whole bed of roses for the amount of times I f*ck up. lmao.
Just tell her you don't mean to say the things you say. It's like there is a good little guy on one shoulder and 'Dr Evil' on the other.

 

[PookieBear]

Pushing people away is what we do best Pookie. Damage control might be the order of the day. Any luck of finding that therapist yet? The VA here said I should have an answer sometime this week. They might not be the easiest to deal with, but they are free.

I know I hold back just enough of myself ie...not letting myself get fully connected with anyone , in order to be able to back out and run if I feel cornered. I am now realizing I need to give Tasia all of me and I am willing to do so. No luck with the VA yet. I've called and called but, can't get a return call. I will keep trying. I owe it to myself, Tasia, and our unborn child to get the help I need.

 

[PookieBear]

I am thinking of buying a permanent flashing banner that says 'I am sorry' and a whole bed of roses for the amount of times I f*ck up. lmao.
Just tell her you don't mean to say the things you say. It's like there is a good little guy on one shoulder and 'Dr Evil' on the other.

I'm not sure a permanent banner and a whole stadium full of roses would ever make up for the hurt I've caused her! I know time and me getting the help I need will make it up to her. I'm just ashamed I could not control myself with the woman I know I want to spend the rest of my life with. That saddness is what drives me to get help and make things right with her.

 

[Jimmy1]

PB, its a part of PTSD for which we have no control over to start with. It's also a part of military conditioning.
We are trained to control the situation. Everything has an order and a place, so when something goes out of whack (inside our heads) or the pressure increases, we get uncomfortable and use anger to push through.
And your right, sometimes when we are confused and hurt in our own heads, we let everyone close to us know. The reason why it's the ones we love is that we have some sick idea that they will always come back. Friends would just tell us to f*ck off.

 

[K-9 Al]

I know what you mean man. I get paranoid about my girlfriend as well. I have to constantly try and remember how much she supports me and that at times its going to be hard for her. She will have days where the support is overbearing. Paranoia is a huge part of the insecurities. FOr me and maybe some can relate, my paranoia stems because she supports me so much. So at times i wonder, "is she going to get fed up with being supportive and find a guy that doesnt have all these issues" there are lots of times that i shut everyone out because i am overstressed and at my max. Fortunatelty, so far, we are able to talk out things. Communication is key my friend. Let her know what your feeling and thinking, do it on a "good day" when you two can talk.

 

[Fargo1]

Also remember the stress cup. I think that the paranoia is part of it, but also the holding back and pushing away is a way of being able to cut out the things that bring you stress when it gets to be too much. As we all know, relationships are some of the largest stressors out there. I know that when I was in my big spiral down last year, I was not only pushing my girl away, I was holding her underwater as I was trying to keep myself afloat. Too bad I had to drown her before I was able to talk to her...

The sooner you can talk to Tasia the better PB. And as Al says, make sure you are having a good day when you do it!

 

[Jimmy1]

The biggest problem is communications. The partner needs to know exactly what is in store for them. They need all the info on PTSD and need the ability to make a choice. They have to have thick skin too.
Remember, we with PTSD are not 24 hr a day arseholes and should not use it as an excuse either.
I hear some blokes on this site blaming their wives, come on. Mine left me too. Yes she was a bitch for screwing around, but I was also a selfish arsehole giving her nothing but grief.

We can change though. As long as they understand we are not always in control of our emotions, it's something to work with.

 

[PookieBear]

I know what you mean man. I get paranoid about my girlfriend as well. I have to constantly try and remember how much she supports me and that at times its going to be hard for her. She will have days where the support is overbearing. Paranoia is a huge part of the insecurities. FOr me and maybe some can relate, my paranoia stems because she supports me so much. So at times i wonder, "is she going to get fed up with being supportive and find a guy that doesnt have all these issues" there are lots of times that i shut everyone out because i am overstressed and at my max. Fortunatelty, so far, we are able to talk out things. Communication is key my friend. Let her know what your feeling and thinking, do it on a "good day" when you two can talk.

I agree 100%. I get worried she will want to have a life where she doesn't need to deal or be supportive of my sh*t. But, I know she loves me more than that. Sometimes, a lot recently, I've allowed myself to treat her like she may not want to deal with it. Fortunately, she is being super supportive and helping me get through this with words of encouragement. Our communication has also been a huge problem. I let things get so far under my skin then, I hold it all in, and then, erupt and take my insecurities and angers out on whoever is near by. I'm finding exercising is allowing me to channel the anger. But, communication is still key and I REALLY need to improve that.

 

[PookieBear]

The biggest problem is communications. The partner needs to know exactly what is in store for them. They need all the info on PTSD and need the ability to make a choice. They have to have thick skin too.
Remember, we with PTSD are not 24 hr a day arseholes and should not use it as an excuse either.
I hear some blokes on this site blaming their wives, come on. Mine left me too. Yes she was a bitch for screwing around, but I was also a selfish arsehole giving her nothing but grief.

We can change though. As long as they understand we are not always in control of our emotions, it's something to work with.

Tasia is willing and has started looking into understanding PTSD! I'm proud she is so supportive. every minute since I've started researching and getting help, I am changing for the better. I Everyday when I wake up, the first thing I say to myself is "today I have hope that today will be a good day." So far, its working. When I get upset, I stop, think of those words and have been able to control my emotions better. Plus, I'm realizing smiling a lot, not only makes me feel better, it makes me more approachable by others.

 

[JarHed]

Hey PB

It's one small step at a time. Sounds like you've gotten a better attitude of late, that's great and a good way to go.

Someone that's willing to stick with you through thick and thin is someone that really cares. Only someone like that would be trying to understand this PTSD stuff and how it affects us all.

You can make it one your own but when you've got the love of a good woman, it makes the journey soooo much better and less lonely. My best wishes and luck go out to the both of you.

Jar