Maybe I am crazy..., but I'm on eHarmony to try to find someone. Believe it or not, there are just not that many single or widowed or divorced nice Christian guys in this world that would consider a 40yo average build never married American who likes living in Africa. Anyway, I've been on it for almost a year now and 2 nice guys have found me. I'm in regular contact with them. They are not the problem...
Today, I was sent the details of a "match" in Johannesburg (an hour's drive away). I was curious since most of the matches are far away. Imagine my shock and horror that it's M! My friend had met him on a long bus trip when he was talking to the guy next to him. Y is usually very shy, but she wrote a little note to encourage him and handed it to him when the bus stopped for a break. The rest of the trip they spent chatting. From that time on, they e-mailed and phoned. In the end, they got engaged.
Because Y wanted her fiance M to work with her doing social work on the farms, she paid for him to take the long 3 month training course that I run every Jan-Apr. Because she lives close to where I did in the Cape, he rode up to the course with me early, helped clean the venue before the others arrived, etc. Very "charming" guy.
During the course, he didn't do very well--he's from a European country that doesn't speak English so he struggled with that. If the slightest thing made him angry, he would just "go off" at the person. At times, he showed disrespect for the authority-me (as the leader) and even the male staff. (At first, I had thought it was a male having to dominate issue.) He also tried to show off how "spiritual" he was.
After the course, Y invited me for coffee to find out how the course with M went. Since it's a live-in course, I had gotten to know M very well. Because she's been my friend since 1997, knew my history, had attended the course herself in 2003, etc., I told her my reservations. I didn't tell her to break up with him, but told her what I thought and what to watch out for.
She postponed the wedding until after his S African visa was sorted out. She wanted to make sure he wasn't just trying to marry her to get his papers right to stay in S Africa. So, he stayed with her friends and once a week, she'd drive him to Home Affairs. She always thought he was so sweet that he didn't want her to have to wait in the long queues (lines). So, he'd go in alone, let her go to a nearby mall and phone her when he was ready. Finally, he told her that he was going to get his visa the next week. Wanting to surprise him and to make sure it was there so she didn't have to drive for nothing, she phoned the office. They had never heard of anyone by that name or even from that country in their office. Shocked, Y made an excuse to M and went to the office. They phoned the head office. No one had ever heard of M.
When M wanted her to take him to Home Affairs "to get my visa this time", Y confronted him. He got so angry for her "spying" on him, he hit her. Y told her friends where he was staying to pack his stuff and she drove him to the bus. That's the last time she's seen him.
On the bus, he phoned a fellow student from the course who has high connections in Swaziland. M wanted to know if S would help him get in. S said, "If you tell me the whole truth, I will get you in. But you have to tell me the truth--even if you killed someone back in your country." M said, "I can't believe a fellow Christian won't help me." S stuck to his guns and that's the last time anyone I know has heard from M.
Now, 4 years later, he shows up as a "match" for me. I can't believe he's still out there trying to sponge off someone. Also, it makes me worried about eHarmony. What is there about me that makes him a match? They supposedly have lots of checks to see if you're compatible.
I'm confused. I'm wondering if I should give up eHarmony. I want to warn people about him
Today, I was sent the details of a "match" in Johannesburg (an hour's drive away). I was curious since most of the matches are far away. Imagine my shock and horror that it's M! My friend had met him on a long bus trip when he was talking to the guy next to him. Y is usually very shy, but she wrote a little note to encourage him and handed it to him when the bus stopped for a break. The rest of the trip they spent chatting. From that time on, they e-mailed and phoned. In the end, they got engaged.
Because Y wanted her fiance M to work with her doing social work on the farms, she paid for him to take the long 3 month training course that I run every Jan-Apr. Because she lives close to where I did in the Cape, he rode up to the course with me early, helped clean the venue before the others arrived, etc. Very "charming" guy.
During the course, he didn't do very well--he's from a European country that doesn't speak English so he struggled with that. If the slightest thing made him angry, he would just "go off" at the person. At times, he showed disrespect for the authority-me (as the leader) and even the male staff. (At first, I had thought it was a male having to dominate issue.) He also tried to show off how "spiritual" he was.
After the course, Y invited me for coffee to find out how the course with M went. Since it's a live-in course, I had gotten to know M very well. Because she's been my friend since 1997, knew my history, had attended the course herself in 2003, etc., I told her my reservations. I didn't tell her to break up with him, but told her what I thought and what to watch out for.
She postponed the wedding until after his S African visa was sorted out. She wanted to make sure he wasn't just trying to marry her to get his papers right to stay in S Africa. So, he stayed with her friends and once a week, she'd drive him to Home Affairs. She always thought he was so sweet that he didn't want her to have to wait in the long queues (lines). So, he'd go in alone, let her go to a nearby mall and phone her when he was ready. Finally, he told her that he was going to get his visa the next week. Wanting to surprise him and to make sure it was there so she didn't have to drive for nothing, she phoned the office. They had never heard of anyone by that name or even from that country in their office. Shocked, Y made an excuse to M and went to the office. They phoned the head office. No one had ever heard of M.
When M wanted her to take him to Home Affairs "to get my visa this time", Y confronted him. He got so angry for her "spying" on him, he hit her. Y told her friends where he was staying to pack his stuff and she drove him to the bus. That's the last time she's seen him.
On the bus, he phoned a fellow student from the course who has high connections in Swaziland. M wanted to know if S would help him get in. S said, "If you tell me the whole truth, I will get you in. But you have to tell me the truth--even if you killed someone back in your country." M said, "I can't believe a fellow Christian won't help me." S stuck to his guns and that's the last time anyone I know has heard from M.
Now, 4 years later, he shows up as a "match" for me. I can't believe he's still out there trying to sponge off someone. Also, it makes me worried about eHarmony. What is there about me that makes him a match? They supposedly have lots of checks to see if you're compatible.
I'm confused. I'm wondering if I should give up eHarmony. I want to warn people about him
