Angry With Me. Wifey Is Gone.

[rickyfinch]

Well, title pretty much says it all. I'm pissed off is a helpless kind of way. My wife found texts between myself and a female, while they looked incriminating it was me just bull shittin around and flirting. I never f*cked the chick, anyways this was the last straw for the Mrs. I can't help but think that the emotional issues and me never seeming motivated to do anything as well as PTSD is the majority of the issue though. Well tomorrow she's gone, and I don't think she is coming back. I also don't think that she can be swayed. I'm honestly not sure were to go from here. I'm f*cking numb as ever as far as the feelings about it go. Now I have much more responsibility and no one to help and remind me to chill the f*ck out.
Good job Finch. Good going.

 

[Grizzly]

Seems like the issues were brewing prior to the incident from what you mentioned on incriminating texts.

You may have felt like it was just messing around. But to her it was a breach of fidelity. I'm not judging. I know I've had my share of issues. Looking back, it was just another form of self destruction for me.

Hopefully you guys can work things out somehow. From what you mentioned you two have multiple issues happening and it likely revolves around your PTSD.

 

[combatgoldfish]

You want to keep the relationship you've got to fight for it. If those text didn't mean anything, stop talking to the female, have the wife delete the contact. Text the wife. You can do it with another woman, I get that but out focus into the wife even if you feel numb you know you have to do those stupid cute emotional bullshit things other couples do. Think of it as small missions.

Communication is key here and we're all f*cking horrible at it. It's our mission to put more effort into that for the sake of a relationship.

Buy her some flowers tell her your sorry. That's covered my ass a few times.

You know when you get triggered and can avoid things that do it. Get an outlet to get that angry and stress out.

Hope things get better brother. We're all here if you ever need to talk.

 

[Grizzly]

You want to keep the relationship you've got to fight for it. If those text didn't mean anything, stop talking to the female, have the wife delete the contact. Text the wife. You can do it with another woman, I get that but out focus into the wife even if you feel numb you know you have to do those stupid cute emotional bullshit things other couples do. Think of it as small missions.

Communication is key here and we're all f*cking horrible at it. Must it's our mission to put more effort into that for the sake of a relationship.

Buy here so flowers tell her your sorry. That's covered my ass a few times.

You know when you get triggered and can avoid things that do it. Get an outlet to get the angry and stress out.

Hope things get better brother. We're all here if you ever need to talk.

There it is brother. Great advice!

 

[FieldArtilleryGuy]

I want to give you advice, but I have done the same thing you did and I still continue to make mistakes in the same area. First off sex isn't the only thing that is cheating. (I still have a hard time with this.) if your wife considers it cheating then it's on you to decide if you agree, or fight that opinion. I fought it and it made things worse and worse. After 5 years things are finally starting to get better but that is still used against me. My wife still thinks I down play what I did, but I think she over dramatizes it. Either way it was my fault so I can't ever shift the blame to her over dramatizing it. (That doesn't stop me from trying when it turns in to a fight.) because of what I did my wife doesn't trust me, and she has passwords for my e-mail, Facebook, and even my computer phone and iPad. I catch her going threw my stuff all the time and as much as it pisses me off I have to be understanding. I know when she finds out I am on a new social group she will get mad at me for not talking to her, but I don't want her knowing everything about my PTSD so this forum is my one "safe haven"

My reason for saying all of this is hopefully to help you. If I would had known how bad things would get I would have opted out of the marriage. Everyone makes mistakes, you shouldn't have to spend the rest of your life trying to make up for them, but at the same time if I didn't fight and "down play" (atleast in my wife's eyes) then maybe things wouldn't have gotten as bad as they where. I know at one point my wife was looking for an excuse to leave and make me the bad guy, it is possible that this is what your situation really is. i would love to give you advise but like I said I still make mistakes in this area. It's to the point that the only females I talk to are family or in a public accessible group. (The chat in this forum, or comment on posts in Facebook) just to keep myself in check.

 

[Woodman]

Couldn't cope with my 1st wife's crap and infidelity while in nam so I divorced her sorry fat ass. good decision
2nd wife couldn't cope with my crap because of her infidelity, divorced the slut and she's single to this day.
My 3rd wife, I really don't know how she puts up with me but it's been at least 36 years. Third time's a charm I guess.

If you really want to make it work find a way as mentioned in above posts and apologize with flowers and swear you'll never do it again and don't. Otherwise, chalk it up as experience I guess. Good luck!

 

[rickyfinch]

First off I appreciate it. There's a lot of good advice.

Today, I poured my heart out to her. Told her things to this point that we haven't discussed. She also seemed much more calm than she was initially. We are still officially on the rocks, but she hasn't left, Which is a plus. I know that I can't make it through day to day processes without help. I feel like a constant dumbass because I cant remember any f*cking thing. Can't do the things I used to... ect... All the PTSD TBI bullshit.. Anyways, maybe she'll stay.

Flowers and dinner are a must tomorrow night.

I'm no where near perfect, and I will continue to make special f*ck-tard decisions. Maybe I can keep her around, I'm not sure I could ever date with all the anxiety bs. not as far as going out anyways.
I'm sure talking about PTSD on the first date is a killer..lol... \
Thanks guys..

 

[Sleeping Dragon]

Sounds like you're making some good moves. You'll learn from each of them no matter how large or small each one is.

I'm no where near perfect, and I will continue to make special f*ck-tard decisions.

Don't beat yourself up over your mistakes. Learn from them and move on. Start with small goals so that you have a chance for success. Then build on each little victory.

SD

 

[SGT Crim1]

You gotta fight. Date her like she is not your wife. And after you successfully re-establish your AO, continue as instructed. Date until death. Only D-Word that excuses you.

 

[vikingr24]

"it's cheaper to keep her," they say. Sometimes there is something good to come out of a separation. I finally went to a good shrink and he immediately diagnosed me as PTSD. Not fibromyalgia, not just depression or anxiety. All of the above. I got some shots to my back and I finally was able to walk straight. I got a good therapist who listened.

I finally came away with some sort of direction in my life. Lonely? Scared? You betcha.I survived though. It was not easy. I almost had to file bankruptcy. Drinking every day.

But I realized she was not worth the effort if she did not try to understand me. She was the one more angry than me. And she had no basis for the anger most of the time.

One wife later, I am so happy. She gets angry but when I see what happened, I get it. She accepts life as it is, not what it should be, or what I should be. I am me, that is all. She knows I get angry, and dammit I do. There is still that ass-chewin' sarge that's gotta have his say in things. But slowly I am getting better. I just walk away, or drive away, and imagine putting a bullet right above the nose, and I see the SOB's skull lift, and well, you know the view.

Funny, the first thing that shrink said about me was: You don't understand anger. What the f$ck do you mean I don't understand anger?

There you are. Patch it up. Don't beg. Just show your real feelings. Let me her know what's going on and let her know you have a plan. Women need to feel secure. What's your plan? Work on it. Any plan. And not just about your career. What are you planning to do to make your relationship better?

1. Fix me. Do what is right to really cope (you won't get rid of it) with the Beast.
2. Treat her like a queen. Save your explosions for another time and place.
3. Ask her what you can do to help her. Understand you better. Take out the garbage more often? Fix the leak in the shower? Remember Airborne: There is always ONE MORE THING TO DO.
4. It doesn't have to be a dinner with flowers. A kind word when you see her. How was work? Did you have a good day? Ask and mean it. Men do not talk to their wives. Even if it's small talk, which we hate, is valued by her. You are acknowledging her presence. Letting her into your life.

She'll come around. When she does, be sure and smile.

 

[johnston82]

Well, title pretty much says it all. I'm pissed off is a helpless kind of way. My wife found texts between myself and a female, while they looked incriminating it was me just bull shittin around and flirting. I never f*cked the chick, anyways this was the last straw for the Mrs. I can't help but think that the emotional issues and me never seeming motivated to do anything as well as PTSD is the majority of the issue though. Well tomorrow she's gone, and I don't think she is coming back. I also don't think that she can be swayed. I'm honestly not sure were to go from here. I'm f*cking numb as ever as far as the feelings about it go. Now I have much more responsibility and no one to help and remind me to chill the f*ck out.
Good job Finch. Good going.

Guys... New to this forum.
Not new to PTSD. Almost one and a half years now with the only progress being, my army doctor is a bias c*nt, couple of suicide attempts, plenty of self harming with my favourite knife and recently thrown out of the house by her... Unfortunately it's causing difficulties with regards my son... Poor f*ckers doesn't know what's going on.
Involved in a textbook ambush in Syria, incompetent officers ignoring maps, liason officers, combat markers and local staff warnings on the ground. Catastrophic f*ck up that was brushed under the carpet. Medical attention was two disprin and we saw a doctor 30 hours later.
In short we hit an IED. Survived it and kept working best we could.
Came home, fell apart.
I see the Army Psychological doctor one a month, who keeps giving me meds and sending me home. I told him there not working anymore can he so anything else for me.
Myself and partner asked for counseling several times and he informed me the army won't pay.
Family gone, knife is out again.
What does a man do!

 

[FieldArtilleryGuy]

First off you need to keep breathing. That is always the first step. If you stop breathing the mission is already a failure. Second, you should go to the introduce yourself part so we can get a little of your backround and hopefully be able to help you out some more. On a personal level I would look in to a lawyer or talk to jag about getting paperwork in so you can go for custody or visitation of your kid (if you have any) waiting always hurts you in the end.