Ptsd and lying

[Eliza]

Hello all,

I have a strange question.

Does anybody else find themselves lying about or exaggerating their traumatic experience?

So whenever anyone asks me to speak about it - I often exaggerate what I saw, because I feel like this makes my PTSD more validated. Does that make sense?

I feel like that makes me an awful person, because there were people there that did see more than me - so I feel like I have no right to be this upset about it because I was actually fairly removed from the action.

Anybody else had similar experiences?

Eliza x

 

[Nyssa]

I feel like I have no right to be this upset about it because I was actually fairly removed from the action.

You are not the only one with this feeling. I don't have it myself but I have seen many people here who do.

You do have a right to be upset. Period.

I don't think lying about what you saw is very helpful. Especially if it makes you feel ashamed. You know, you don't have to tell people exactly what you experienced if it upsets you.

Are you in therapy?

 

[Eliza]

I have just started therapy. At the moment we're not talking about what actually happened - just the feelings that surround it.

It's certainly not helpful to lie - but I feel ashamed and guilty either way. I feel ashamed for feeling so upset over something that I was relatively removed from, and then guilty for lying about it.

I haven't been into detail about it with anyone for a while. It was just in the first few weeks because I was so shaken and upset I felt I had no right to be, so I just exaggerated what I saw so that people wouldn't think I was soft.

 

[Nyssa]

Just to be clear, I am not judging you for having lied. I was merely offering a suggestion to avoid the guilt of lying.

Your feelings of shame can be addressed in therapy. With time and work, it can get better.

 

[Deleted member 37474]

Since my memory was broken up and spotty I could only fill in the blanks with what my "flashbacks" have shown me. So then I wonder how they can possibly be real. And I feel like I might be lying when I write them out, but my T said I shouldn't doubt them. When I think about it, they actually make more sense than what I stored.

But, I see what you are saying too. Sometimes, it feels embarrassing that we could be so traumatized by something to the point of gaining a mental illness over it. But I guess you could think of it like the common cold. Lots of people suffer and get through it in a week. For others it can lead to other stuff that takes months. And how people got the cold varies. Someone may have had the virus sneezed directly in their face while someone else touched a doorknob. They still both caught the cold.

 

[LuckiLee]

People actually ask you about your trauma?? Wth is wrong with people?

People have asked my veteran how many people he's killed? Are you kidding me!! Some people have absolutely NO class.

Sorry people put you on the spot like that.
But you don't have to lie here ( or with your therapist). ;)

 

[shimmerz]

My trauma is personal to me. Nobody has the right to ask about it.

 

[Eliza]

Just to be clear, I am not judging you for having lied. I was merely offering a suggestion to avoid the guilt of lying.

Don't worry - I got that. I think in a forum like this, there are very few people who judge! Thank you for clarifying though. :)

People ask me about my trauma all the time!
I think because it was all over the news, people found out I was there, and saw it as kind of cool or exciting.
The worst was my friend's mum who said about a week after it happened, "I gather you had a brush with terrorism last week? I saw it on the news, it was awful..." and then went on to describe in graphic detail the parts she saw on the news. By the end of it I was shaking.
And because I saw some of the graphic stuff, but not all of it. I end up either lying or telling people what I think I remember and it's now all jumbled up and I'm not even sure I can remember the truth. I went over it so many times over the those first weeks that it all kind of got mixed up and I just feel guilty all the time.

 

[zebbidee]

i also feel like i shouldn't be traumatized now by this thing that i witnessed many years ago. but i never dealt with it back then and it has only recently been triggered by something else traumatic that i experienced. all i would say is if this traumatic experience is having an effect on you, then that's really all that matters. i didn't/couldn't talk about what i saw at all back then, and its has come back to bite me on the butt so i just think you're really brave and are doing the right thing for seeking help now.

I try to diminish the impact and weight of what i saw all the time and it isn't productive. and jumbled memories are common in trauma. try not to beat yourself up. really, no one one who wasn't there knows what you did or didn't see, and you have nothing to feel guilty about in how you try to describe the indescribable - you were trying to make sense of something horrible, and your feelings about it, the best way you could at the time. but remember its always okay to say "i can't/don't want to talk about it". i hope therapy is helpful for you.

 

[RecoveryBird]

Hi! i just want you to know that I can relate to the over exaggerating my trauma A LOT!!!! I used to over exaggerate everything so people would like me more, but they caught on and i did therapy around it and i stopped. but the lying about details in my trauma is such a big thing for me, mostly because i don't remember so much of it. i just want to validate you and know that i also deal with this issue too.

 

[Deleted member 8714]

After anonymous groups, I had one survivor of abuse pester me for details of my abuse. It was the oddest thing. I wanted her to stop doing it because it felt like retraumatization. So I told in vivid detail one time and the woman never again asked me about my abuse. She nearly hurled her lunch on the table.

 

[Recovery4Me]

@Incongruous :hug: I can relate.
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Within trauma quite often it takes quite a journey to recover full bits of memory (if at all). So some blanks are there for a reason and some memory imprints can also be hard-wired to the tune of flashbacks.

However, boundaries are when we might simply say, " I don't wish to discuss it, now! " rather than a fabrication to appease. You do have the right to choose to embellish or opt out. However, guilt can often manifest during trauma anyway, so just perhaps choose wisely the path that will help you build back your self-esteem the most.

Remember to be gentle on yourself and give yourself credit for wanting to change for the better.:hug: Your thread was very brave. To thine own self be true.:hug: