Church

[Deleted member 44517]

I never go to church anymore. I make every excuse in the book. I like it just fine. Like the people even. I used to love going. I just hate the thought of going anymore. Often I have work so that's a good excuse. When I don't, I tell myself I'm going and then sleep in. My kids wonder why we never go anymore. I feel like a horrible parent.
I think I just can't stand the thought of socializing.

 

[EveHarrington]

You're not a bad parent!

It's ok to not want to socialize.

 

[Fadeaway]

Whether you go to church or not has zero bearing on what kind of parent you are. Not taking care of yourself and getting sleep when you can, does. Sleep when you have PTSD > Church, hands down.

 

[Deleted member 34328]

Maybe I'm a bad church member, but church isn't a social club for me. I just tend to leave rather quickly after. Pick up the kids and go. I don't see anything wrong with the that. Why do you feel the need to stay and mingle?

 

[Justmehere]

Are you isolating from other relationships and connections as well? Or is it just the church setting?

It's not really useful or accurate to call yourself a bad parent for not going. Seems like this is simply part of the battle with PTSD holding you back.

The thing with avoidance and isolation is that the more we avoid and isolate, the worse people will feel over time. The worse symptoms will get. The solution isn't to race towards what we are avoiding and jump in, but to shift the pattern. Take a step the other direction.

When I get really avoidant of connections, I carpool with others. The commitment to someone else gets my butt out the door. 75% of the time, I end up going rather than canceling simply because canceling would take more effort. For awhile, I signed up to hand out bulletins just to get myself to go.

I don't really have any suggestions or advice, as I don't have kids or a family - but I can relate to liking the people and the church and still struggling to get myself out the door to go at times.

 

[trying to heal]

I have this struggle every Sunday. Some weeks I'm happy that I have a headache or something so I have a legitimate excuse for why I'm not going.
For me I don't cope well with change and I had to find a new church this year and it all just sucks. The new church is good, good solid bible teaching and nice people it's just me. I don't cope with lots of people and making the effort to form new connections is exhausting.
So what I'm trying to say is it's not you, you aren't a bad mum or a bad Christian it's just PTSD sucks. Keep turning up when you can but don't beat yourself up when you just can't.

 

[Pakadlangitok]

I dont go because people think I am the weirdo. I never connect to anyone and usually feel God has forgotten me anyway. Before PTSD I did not feel this way

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I think that bending with the PTSD will offer more to you in the long run. It is normal to feel tired and needing sleep, this does not make you a bad parent at all. It is hard to deal with the PTSD, you get where you become more flexible.

When I fell apart after starting therapy, I had so many church commitments I had to break. It only made me feel worse. All you are doing is self care something you will most likely doing more of as time passes for you. Can you get someone to take the kids to church for you?:hug:

 

[Deleted member 44517]

I appreciate the responses. Will reply later when my head stops throbbing.

 

[Justmehere]

I dont go because people think I am the weirdo.

Have they said this or is this what you think they think?

Something to think about. ;) :)

 

[Deleted member 44517]

Well, the headache is not leaving. . .I'll just respond anyway. :)

I'm probably avoiding in other areas of life not just church. I really only want to talk to a few people in real life right now. Work is different for some reason. I'm ok there. But then again, I don't have to associate with my coworkers outside of work. I love my family and I go to family functions but I am usually tuned out and semi isolative the whole time.

I switched churches a couple years ago. Really liked the new one but have lost my ability to connect with people. Going feels like a burden. The whole point of church is to be around other Christians and to be able to encourage each other. We aren't supposed to isolate. Faith is kind of a big deal to me so I guess this really bothers me. I'm not doing a great job of modeling it to my kids right now and that bothers me too. Especially when they want to go.

I know I need to push myself more. I think that part of the problem is that I did start therapy this year and I'm experiencing several new symptoms. Along with depression that never seems to completely go away even with medication. I feel like mental illness is chipping away at every part of my identity right now.

 

[LuckiLee]

Sorry you're struggling with this. You don't have to connect with people when you're there. You go to connect with God.

Maybe you could go and sit in the back. And leave early, when they do communion.

Or go on Wednesday evening, fewer people to deal with at that time.

You're not a bad parent. That's just what PTSD wants you to think.

Best wishes!