Bad end to my session - am i overreacting?

[snowangel35]

I've only cried in therapy once before and have lots of difficulty crying in front of people including my T. In my appointment on Friday, I started retelling a difficult story from my childhood. To my surprise, I started to cry and felt lightheaded after I finished telling it. I guess it's a sad story but I didn't think I felt particularly sad and have told the story before with no reaction. I was very aware that we were nearly at the end of the session and I would never want to stay over time so I was trying to stop the crying and breathe in the hope that the lightheadedness would go away. My T didn't say much except to ask 'what are you feeling?' I said 'sad I guess' and also 'lightheaded'. He told me to 'take some deep breathes but that time was up'. I was very taken aback, said ok and stood up to leave in a bit of a daze. I thought I was actually not going to make it to the door. I have never stayed overtime before except for maybe 2-3 minutes and I was really hurt by his urgency to get me out the door in the state I was in. Surely he could have given me a moment to collect my self especially seeing as it has never happened to me before so was a pretty big deal. I mean I guess I should have been more upfront with what was happening but I wasn't really sure at the time and he could visibly see me crying. I thought I had a good therapy relationship with him and have been working on building up trust but right now I feel that it's all been shattered. Am I overreacting?

 

[Supervixn]

No. I don't think you are overreacting. That was rude and insensitive. You might want to bring it up at your next session and explain how it made you feel.

 

[Deleted member 37474]

I am sorry this happened. I don't know how this all works with the timing of the next guest. I do know that there is a 10 minute buffer between sessions for my T. We have gone over time before, in moments of difficult sessions, but it is for grounding purposes, which it sounds like that is what you needed. The funny thing in my session is that since I sit on the "therapist side" (I hate her couch) there is a perfectly positioned old style clock on the shelf. I use it to time my own sessions and what I bring up, when. There just isn't time for certain things when the big hand is off to the left. I hope you can talk to your T and work it out. Also, Mine doesn't react when I cry, but she is calm and insiteful.

 

[snowangel35]

My T also has the 10-minute buffer to allow for time between clients. Although in saying that he doesn't always book people back to back and I have never seen someone in the waiting room upon leaving. That's not to say that someone doesn't arrive a few minutes later so I do understand that they need that time for themselves and to write notes etc. I normally make a point of never bringing up anything big too close to the end of the session. I didn't think what I was talking about at the end was particularly difficult. Sad maybe but not the worst of the stories I have which is also why I was surprised with my reaction. I definitely needed something though even just a few moments extrat to gather myself as I felt lightheaded and in a daze for at least 10 minutes after. I would have hated every second of needing those extra few minutes as I would have hated taking up any of his time I had not paid for.

 

[Emotional girl]

I would say something to your T next time you see them.My T did a similar thing to me a few sessions ago in the fact that it seemed that he wanted to push me out the door.
All I could think about for the whole week was how he had hurt my feelings so the next session I walked in and I said "you hurt my feelings last week".He looked totally shocked and said he was sorry and could I explain to him what was going on.
We had a good therapeutic relationship anyway but since I told him that it has been even better.
I think sometimes we have to brave and explain what is going on in our heads so our therapist knows where they are going wrong and we also have to remember that therapists are human to and make mistakes.

 

[Crow]

I questioned my T about pushing me out a few years ago. Rarely happens but when it does it can be devestating. So now she'll tell me if she needs to end on time. Sometimes she has to leave or has a vendor coming to work on the house or the vet etc. As long as she tells me up front, I'm fine and can manage the flow and timing.

 

[deeplyloved]

I sometimes need help managing the timing and transitions too. When my therapist can tell I’m struggling, she will ask what I need to transition back to work. She will remind me to drink water there and stop to get something to eat on my way back. She’ll tell me that I’m welcome to sit and ground myself in the waiting room for as long as I need to. Once she said “I know we are not done here, but we have to be done for today.” All of those things have been helpful for me.

Maybe these could give you ideas for things you can ask of your therapist? It’s ok to say you need a more gentle transition out of your session. Give him a chance to know you better and to apologize for inadvertently hurting you.

 

[MyWillow]

That’s so tough when you hit the brick wall right at the end of the session. I do think it’s the therapist’s responsibility to pace the session, however sometimes shit just happens. I’ve had some bizarre, inexplicable flashbacks/dissociative episodes in response to apparently innocuous triggers right at the end of a session. It’s so hard to gather myself and get out but being a burden is so not what I want to be that I just pull myself together any way I can. I have a sneaking suspicion that my therapist schedules my sessions a little more carefully in case things go pear shaped. It’s just so unpredictable. And it’s probably not a walk in the park for her either.

 

[ladee]

You have been given excellent suggestions... and I agree. If you can't say what you feel to him, print out what you wrote here and hand it to him. I really wish I had had that option many times, didn't know I could... but he does need to know how that whole thing made you feel.. and we do forget they are human... sorry this happened, but it is an opportunity for growth for you.... it would have hurt my feelings too...
Glad you shared and hope things work out for you next time...

 

[snowangel35]

Thanks for all your replies.

@Emotional girl I do plan to bring it up next session. I do have a fear that they will be surprsied and think I'm over reacting. Hopefully it will be like your experience and just strengthen our relationship. Maybe it was my own fault for not being clearer about what I needed at the time? I mean I wasn't bawling crying or anything. Maybe I need to be more explicit in what's going on with me but isn't that what we are often there for help with.

@deeplyloved I like that your therapist asks you what you need. Seems like a good way to phrase it. Often I don't realize that I need anything until someone asks that question.

@MyWillow I usually never talk about anything too crazy deep before the end. If I ever do I make sure to switch a few minutes before the end as I'm quite good at cutting off a topic that I feel is becoming difficult. What you said about not wanting to be a burden rings a bell.

Sometimes it seems in their quest to maintain boundaries they diminish their natural capacity to be caring human beings.

 

[Suzetig]

Your T may just not have had any time to give or assumed that you could catch your breath on the way out of session. It's also possible you felt more "in a state" than you looked so he just didn't get how much you were struggling. I know I can be deeply upset and look ok on the outside, I also tend to minimise any distress so I might say I'm struggling but not say what that means. My T knows me well enough now to know when I'm struggling and give me time to breath.

It's worth talking to your T about what happened and what you wanted/needed from him at the time.

 

[snowangel35]

Your T may just not have had any time to give or assumed that you could catch your breath on the way ou...

I am hoping that it was more that I felt more 'in a state" than I looked. I do minimize when something is wrong with me as I don't want to be a burden on anyone especially not someone whose time I am paying for and that time was up! I did feel like faint though and would like to think that if he knew the extent of what I felt he would have waited for a moment regardless of whether he didn't 'have any more time to give'. To me that would be the human thing to do. I do plan to talk to him when I see him again next Friday as I am quite angry about it ....and hurting.