General My boyfriend with ptsd recently broke off with me

[Worried Girlfriend]

My boyfriend with PTSD recently broke up with me.
Before the breakup he was the best boyfriend I ever had. Nobody ever made me feel so special in the way he did. We connected in a way I didn't think was possible.
After the breakup we still contacted each other and saw each other a few times. When I see him, it is as if nothing is wrong between us. We still chat away like always before. We were even intimate.
I really love this man with all my heart. Will he come back to me if I give him space?

 

[Snowflakes]

Welcome. Has your boyfriend been diagnosed with PTSD? Is he seeing a therapist if he has been diagnosed? The reason I ask is, because based on the very limited information in your post, my first reaction is that this is one of life’s relationship breakups where you’re still friends. I do not mean to minimize your pain from losing a special relationship. Perhaps if you describe his behavior towards you prior to the breakup. Generally speaking, our sufferers displays distressing behavior and/or words before deciding to end a relationship.

To answer your question, only he knows the answer. Since you still chat like always before, I think I would simply ask him.

Take care and I truly hope all works out for you.

 

[Worried Girlfriend]

Thank you for your reply.
Yes, he has been diagnosed and sees a therapist from time to time.
Recently he had a set back. He had some trouble at work with very difficult decisions to make.
Since the set back he started to withdraw, which I understood. He's doctor send him somewhere to rest for a few days. I say somewhere, because he didn't tell anybody where he went, which I also understood. I never pressured him into talking if he didn't want to.
It is during that time he said he wanted to end the relationship. I was totally shocked, it was the last thing I expected. We never even had a little fight before that. I have always tried my best to support him as well as I could. I did lots of research on PTSD and to be supportive to a PTSD sufferer, won't be difficult in my mind.
At this stage I am just heartbroken and want him back

 

[Ronin]

Hi, welcome and congratz on making a thread succesfully :)

I'd take 'end' for what that word spells out.

& 'Won't be difficult in my mind', it's nice to see you have so much determination, but I don't think that's correct to reality. From someone with PTSD who dated almost exclusively people with PTSD, similar or same circles experience wise, and it wasn't enough to make anything work out to my benefit or expectations.

 

[Snowflakes]

@Worried Girlfriend I understand. Thank you for the additional information. It is good that you’re learning all you can about his illness. Empathy is a wonderful trait. I also understand you being heartbroken. In my case, I have learned that giving our sufferer time and space is a loving act. How long that time and space becomes is pretty much up to him. As @Ronin writes, it may just be the way it is for him.

I wish there was something I could say to help you feel better or give you hope but I can’t think of the words. Just know that you’re not alone here. Ask questions and/or vent. We have all gone through this and will walk the path with you. Take care.

 

[Worried Girlfriend]

Thank you for your reply.
Yes, I am determined. I believe that love can conquer ANYTHING!!
If you say ....... to your benefit of expectations, as a PTSD sufferer, what will your expectations in a relationship be?

 

[Worried Girlfriend]

Thank you so much @Snowflakes.
I went for some counselling myself, because I know it's the right thing to do if I really want to help him, and I have to look after myself as well.
He never ever acted aggressively towards me, only became a little quiet and distant from time to time. I never felt so fulfilled with anyone else before in my life. I know he still likes me. We did have a conversation about the break up afterwards and he said it's not fair towards me to put me through this.
I believe that what will be will be.
I really appreciate the support. It's very nice to be able to talk to people about this.
Thank you so much

 

[Ronin]

what will your expectations in a relationship be?

Doesn't matter, concrete ones.

Only matters that going into anything with a hope 'love' will conquer 'anything', is setting yourself up for a major heartbreak, and an unrealistic belief that won't help long term.

 

[EveHarrington]

Love isn't enough when it comes to PTSD

 

[Snowflakes]

@Worried Girlfriend I am (was) the eternal optimist. I truly believe, as you do, that love will conquor anything. Perhaps it can under different life’s experiences but I can tell you from the deepest place in my heart that @EveHarrington is correct. I spent the past 10 years hoping and believing love was good enough to defeat PTSD. Not true. Love didn’t help my sufferer mange PTSD better nor did it help me cope better. Only when I reached the end of my ability to deal with it and my relationship was in terrible shape, did I come here to this forum and learn coping skills.

I know how you feel; I’ve felt the same way. I just don’t want you to go through what I’ve gone through living the belief that love conquers all. My post is not meant to be negative; quite the opposite, it’s meant to be positive. It is because we love our sufferers that we will learn how to take care and manage ourselves so that we are able to support our spouse or significant others.

Take care of you.

 

[Freida]

he said it's not fair towards me to put me through this.

And here ya have it. For once the whole "its not you its me" thing is true. I've told hubby that through our whole marriage. Part of it is guilt that my issues have such an affect on our marriage and part of it is not wanting to do the work to change because it is just too freeking hard. It's sometimes easier just to walk away. Love can't fix that.