How do you know? making progress / defining progress

[Alittlebitdown]

Hi,
I'm a survivor of sexual abuse, emotional and physical abuse and neglect from about 2 years old. The emotional abuse and neglect has mostly been in my immediate family.

I'm a young woman who's graduated but pretty much collapsed after university, after several attempts of suicide. I can't hold a job and have no other option but to stay with my immediate family until I'm better.

I've been with my current t for a year now, and am still suicidal and seriously depressed. I also have had very little progress in areas of dissociation as a form of coping, and I use it constantly. I only very briefly have moments of being emotionally present. These are generally depressive episodes, and I can only stay clear from dissociating emotionally for an hour or two, to feel depressed before I shut off again.

I also have panic attacks and although I've been given methods to help ground me, these don't always work and I rely on sedatives to remove most of the attacks.

My question is this; The T I see is an incredible woman, whom I like very much, however is a year long enough that progress should have been made? Also how do we define progress? In less dissociation? If yes, then there is definitely something I would need to think about moving forward.

As I am, as I always have been, separated from my emotions until I'm triggered, then they overwhelm me, so I turn them off again. I don't have good days, and if I'm laughing or smiling I don't feel anything but am acting as I feel I should for the situation.

Thanks for any helpful insights you may have!

 

[Deleted member 44579]

Hi @Alittlebitdown... A year is not a long time for this type of trauma... It can take a long time.. But along that journey you learn how to cope... What medication works... What your triggers are.... The stress cup.... Grounding techniques.... Breathing exercises.... Support from everyone one here..

Im sorry you are not able cope just now... And dissociation is natural... It's just resting your brain for a bit...

Also could you stay somewhere more supportive?...
This is a really good place... These people are wise, honest and can offer support and care... It will get better.... Hugs

 

[EveHarrington]

I recommend internal family systems therapy as a way to get a hold on out of control emotions. Very few therapists do this kind of therapy and it doesn’t seem to be highly recommended in the trauma world——which is crazy to me as it’s the first therapy that has given me hope in terms of emotional regulation. I don’t have an IFST therapist. I found a few books on amazon geared toward self-therapy. There are others on here who do IFST, too. Honestly, I am just starting my IFST journey but I already know it’s the key to emotional regulation (for me). And I say this as someone who has done so many different kinds of therapy that just didn’t cut the mustard. They were band-aids, this is a fix. I highly recommend looking into it.

 

[ladee]

With the amount of trauma you have experienced, and at such a very young age,it is going to take time.
We know how bad you want change. Something you can hold on to for hope of better days.
You posted here! You are letting people who absolutely understand, know what is going on.
In my eyes that is huge progress. You don't want to do this alone. And you want support from people who know what you are feeling.
That takes incredible courage whether it feels like it or not!!
This is a slow process, putting our self back together again. And it hurts, it's confusing, and seems forever before we start to feel relief.
But we do. Not saying the things above to discourage you, but to be honest about the process.
One of the many great things about being a part of this community, oftentimes we see change and progress long before you do. You are living it. Its hard to see progress when it seems to be never ending.
Very happy you are here. You are not alone.
If you can, read around the forum a little. You will find others that feel just like you do, and you can read what we are doing different.
I apologize for this being so long. I just hear so much pain and want you to know we hear you!
Glad you are here!

 

[Suzetig]

In all honesty, you don't improve while you're still living with the people who abused you. Therapy can help you cope and empower you to live in a safer, more secure environment but until you do find somewhere away from the abusive situation you'll be treading water in therapy.

The very first task of all trauma therapy is to establish safety. Physical, emotional, psychological safety.

 

[Justmehere]

In all honesty, you don't improve while you're still living with the people who abused you.

Yep. I tried to get better while still living with abusers. Doesn't work. My skills to manage life increased, but my symptoms stayed the same or worse.

The T I see is an incredible woman, whom I like very much, however is a year long enough that progress should have been made? Also how do we define progress? In less dissociation? If yes, then there is definitely something I would need to think about moving forward.

It is wonderful that your therapist and you have a good connection. Is she trained in one or more trauma specific therapy? If so, it might be worthwhile to consider a higher level of care for a season. Perhaps adding group therapy, and/or partial hospitalization, or a PTSD specific specialized inpatient program might help you get your feet under you a bit without having to yet change the primary therapist.

Is your therapist aware of your concern about a possible lack of progress? What do they suggest needs to happen to increase progress forward? My therapist and I regularly discuss the progress I'm making, and if changes need to be made by either of us. It's really helpful.

 

[Alittlebitdown]

Hi everyone,
Thanks for replying and your advice!
Unfortunately my therapist is a counsellor rather than a doctor so cannot authorize an inpatient treatment. She is trained in trauma and has significant experience. As for moving out, I'm not able due to not having any money to pay rent/live. This then means I'm stuck here.
Thanks again

 

[Deleted member 44579]

Hi @Alittlebitdown.. Do you currently receive benefits, if so... You could go to a mental health charity and they could help with the forms for social housing... In the meantime you could get temporary accommodation due to your circumstances...?....

Your not stuck there... And there are organisations that can help you...

.

 

[Freida]

I've been chipping away at this for going on 4 years and sometimes I feel like I'm running on a treadmill. Y'know. All the work but not going anywhere. So I started journal

I scribble what I'm doing in therapy, how I feel about it, how I'm doing out in the world. I don't edit it. I just blather on. It wasn't helpful at first but now I can go back and look at how I was doing a year ago and see the progress I've had and it's my own words showing it to me.