Best type of therapy for trauma?

[Stargazer2017]

What do you think is the best type of therapy for childhood development trauma that deals with attachment disorders and a poor memory?

I have been doing talk therapy for 3 years and whilst I have seen great improvements in myself and found it really beneficial for large parts of my life I feel it is not helping me really 'process' the traumatic periods of my life. I can still recall only some of my traumatic memories and find it impossible to tap into the 'emotions' associated with those memories no matter how much I talk about them. A lot of my other positive and negative memories from my childhood seem to be repressed and unretrievable in talk therapy. Talk therapy is helping me in lots of ways probably most in attachment issues but I don't know if I'm just being impatient or would something else help. I have read a bit about EMDR and EFT and still don't know a huge amount about them but both at a glance they don't seem like a fit as when I think about or recall certain traumatic events they don't traumatize or trigger me but in fact, leave me feeling numb.

 

[EveHarrington]

That’s a loaded question!

I mean....I have developmental trauma, too....and I don’t even think there is any “one” therapy that can do it all for those of us who have childhood trauma. It really does take a lot of different approaches IME.

Now if you’re looking for the best way to process the trauma itself, there are a number of different ways to go about doing it. But overall healing IMHO takes an attack from many different angles.

 

[Stargazer2017]

Sorry, I should have also said in my initial post that I know there is no one 'right' therapy and that therapy is not a 'one size fits all'. In fact, I'm sure there are many therapies that may be helpful and each person will find one therapy more beneficial than another.

What I mean is in people's own experiences and for some of the things I've mentioned what do they think might be a therapy to try in conjunction with what I am already doing? Obviously, sometimes It's all based on a trial and error as whats good for one person may not necessarily work for another. There just seems to be so many different options now and it can get a bit overwhelming trying to figure out which one might be more helpful. I am already spending lots of money on traditional psychotherapy so I'm trying to avoid spending lots of money on another type of therapy only to find out It's not the best option.

 

[Suzetig]

It depends on what the aim of therapy is for you. It's not necessary to remember all your traumatic details to process trauma - and depending on how early the trauma it you may have no narrative memory of it at all. That doesn't mean there's anything wrong, it's how our memory works. For example, you aren't likely to have any memory of being toilet trained because it happens at such a young age but you know how to go to the toilet. Early trauma may not reside in your conscious memory but you still see the impact in how you feel and relationships. In the same way as trying to retrieve potty training memories is impossible, you may never have a narrative memory of your trauma.

After 3 years I'd eorct you to be able to touch some pretty deep emotions in talk therapy. I have extensive developmental trauma and have processed those feelings in my work with a therapist who is predominantly person centred in approach. While not traditionally evidence based for trauma, it's actually incredibly effective for developmental trauma because of the nature of the therapeutic relationship.

We explored things like emdr and somatic experiencing but really if I'm not prepared to "go there" with my T, a different modality won't help. Therapy isn't a magic wand, it works to the extent that you're prepared to honestly look at your experiences and allow yourself to feel how you feel in the presence of an empathic other. Different modalities provide different gateways to that happening, different ways of thinking or connecting that suit some people better than others but the bottom line is if you're avoiding the pain, you're avoiding the pain.

Can you identify what your goals are in therapy and how you'll know you've reached them? That will help folk think about what might help you along the way.

 

[Stargazer2017]

Thanks for your helpful and lengthy response.
I know therapy is no magic wand and the hard work must be done by me. I feel like I am doing the hard work ....trying to at least and as mentioned I have seen lots of improvements both in myself, my relationship and in my life over the past 3 years.

This is a very simplistic view I know but much of what I have read seems to suggest that in order to really heal you first need to feel the pain and/or loss that was shut out in childhood. The feelings that as a child you weren't ready for. For a long time I was completely 'numb' to many of my experiences and whilst talk therapy has helped me in so many ways particularly in relation to attachment issues I feel like something is missing and I don't really know what that is. I know there is no end an healing is a continuous thing I feel like I might need something else. Not necessarily instead of but along with.
My memories of childhood in general (good and bad memories) is pretty terrible. I know I'm not going to remember everything from a young age who does and especially pre verbal.. but it's like I have these same 20-30 memories and most of them are negative.
When I talk about them still feel like they happened to someone else and I am still numb. I really 'want' to remember more and feel them more. Is this even possible or is that just the way it is to be..

 

[Suzetig]

This is a very simplistic view I know but much of what I have read seems to suggest that in order to really heal you first need to feel the pain and/or loss that was shut out in childhood.

That's a very simplistic view and not necessarily true. There's a school of thought that says if the trauma isnt affecting your life on a day to day, tangible way then do you really need to stir the pot? Some therapeutic processes use symbolism where one particular trauma represents a number of traumatic events, e.g. instead of a DV victim remembering each and every beating she remembers a particular incident and works in that fully knowing the feelings about all the others were the same and resolving those feelings in the process.

I guess it depends on what you mean by "healing", to some that means trying to get back to who they were/might have been pre-trauma. For others it means functioning on a day to day basis, for others it means the trauma is just part of their story without high emotion attached to it.

How does the "something" that's missing impact you, how do you know it's missing, is it something you perceive others to have but that you don't have yourself.

 

[Stargazer2017]

That's a very simplistic view and not necessarily true. There's a school of thought that says if the tr...

Yes I know it's a very simplistic view and not one that all think is necessarily true but lots of people do. What does it mean to say if the trauma is or is not affecting your day to day life? How exactly does someone measure that? I mean no I'm not 'triggered' by certain events in a sense that when I think of a traumatic event in my life I am able to keep going and still function quite well on an everyday basis. It has however definitely impacted me and how I view and interact with the world and many times in very negative ways which in turn effects my day to day living. It has impacted my emotional regulation, sense of self, memory, cognitive function, relationships, marriage amongst many many other things.
I'm not saying I necessarily need to or even want to remember every little incident but I would like to remember more of the positive stuff though! To me, there is also a big difference between thinking/talking about a traumatic event and having little or no emotion attached to it because you have somehow processed it or dealt with it through some form of therapy and thinking/talking about a traumatic event and having no emotion attached to it because you have 'numbed' it out!

I digress....back to the original question which was.... What type of therapy do people think is best for developmental trauma/attachment disorders either in conjunction with or instead of traditional talk therapy where the person has limited memory recall. I know answers may differ greatly depending on the individuals' own circumstances.

 

[saraemerald]

I think one of the most important things in healing trauma is validation. You need genuine validation from your own support group. That can be a therapist, a PTSD support group, close friends, etc. Anyone that will allow you to comfortably talk about your trauma without judgement and genuinely care about you so that you can talk about and release your feelings around your trauma.
I believe everyone needs a voice. This helps you heal.
Journaling can also help too. This helps you express yourself in a safe, non-judgemental space.
And on this forum, a trauma diary is an excellent way to get things off your chest.

 

[Stargazer2017]

That’s a loaded question!

I mean....I have developmental trauma, too....and I don’t even thi...

This is what I am thinking at the moment. That it needs more than just talk therapy. I not quite sure what that more is though...

You say

overall healing IMHO takes an attack from many different angles.

What angles are they in your opinion?

I think one of the most important things in healing trauma is validation. You need genuine validati...

Thanks. I have an amazing therapist and her validation and ability to allow me to be heard and see has definitely been very very helpful. I still struggle however to 'release my feelings around the trauma'. Maybe it just takes more time...

 

[EveHarrington]

This is what I am thinking at the moment. That it needs more than just talk therapy. I not quite sure what that...

I have done quite a few kinds of therapy over the years. I’ve done EMDR and CBT and DBT and ACT and IFST and.... the list goes on. I am in talk therapy right now I guess you could say but my therapist is trained in trauma and worked with traumatized kids at Sheppard Pratt. I’m also doing IFST again, this time on my own with the help of books and workbooks.

Everything has added to my healing in one way or another, like a puzzle. The last few barriers to being fully functional are being broken down and healed (kind of all at once——never in my wildest dreams did I think this would happen!)

I suggest definitely looking for a therapist who works with childhood trauma survivors. I wish I could suggest more but I’m not sure what would be best for you at this time given your symptoms. Hopefully someone else can give you more detailed advice.

Have you considered joining the forum?

 

[Suzetig]

Of course all of those areas are impacted, that's the very nature of childhood trauma. By "impacting you day by day" what I mean is how is your day to day functioning, or are you able to hold down a job, maintain close relationships, make decisions, exercise self care to a good enough standard etc.

It's one thing knowing for example that trauma impacts your sense of self but what does that mean to you, what does it look like or feel like. For example, my trauma impacts my sense of self - it makes be think I need to never ever express any needs because having needs is a bad thing and I'm a bad person if I have any need that I can't meet. I wouldn't ask for a cup of water if I were on fire and wouldn't accept one from someone who offered it. So in therapy that's what I work on - identifying my needs and trusting that my T will still accept me and will try to meet that need as far as possible within the bounds of therapy. We also look at how I cope when I do express need and have other people help me. I have a lot of other issues but they're all about me in relationship with myself and with other people, so I do therapy that is all about the therapeutic relationship. That's what I mean by how are you impacted - you don't need to be on your knees to be impacted but try to think about examples of what you'd like to be different.

So, you feel your memory is compromised - you could do life story work to help put the pieces back together and identify the gaps.If it's about not feeling fully in your own body you could try yoga, which is recommended for trauma because it helps you feel very present in your body and uses breathing in a way that regulates the nervous system activated by trauma, some martial arts do a similar thing - I found karate really good for mind, body, emotions connections.

You could also try journaling if it's about what you can or can't remember, I found putting my uncensored thoughts on paper made it easier to feel the emotion attached because I needed to verbalise it, and I found as I wrote I remembered stuff I had forgotten about. Its still very hard for me to be fully honest in my journal because it's so painful at times but it's a process that work for me and I would also then take my journal to therapy.

In terms of other therapy DBT is useful for emotional disregulation but that's not what you're describing. You could do some form of body work, massage or craniosacral massage even reiki which would again help you connect your body to your emotions. It's hard to say what might work best.

I would avoid things like hypnotherapy because it's renowned for creating false memories and if you're keen to remember you might be a bit more susceptible than someone who is clear about their memories but needs help with intrusive thoughts, for example.

There may be no other way than to try tasters of different things and see what connects. What does your T suggest?

 

[Stargazer2017]

Of course all of those areas are impacted, that's the very nature of childhood trauma. By "impacting yo...

Thanks for all these suggestions. I do currently journal and whilst I find it helpful hasn't helped me recall memories. I'm planning to start Yoga soon and I have also considered craniosacral massage.

I guess it's really a case of sitting down and figuring out what it is I'm wanting to achieve and going from there. Thanks again