Anxiety over christmas/holiday depression

[Deleted member 40995]

Hello
I get so anxious and feel so alone at this time of year. Christmas is bad memories, New Years is even worse. I’ve attempted suicide on or around those days and seasons before. This year I’m really anxious, I started feeling hopeless and depressed even earlier then usual this year (probably because I had so much crazy stuff go on lately). I know I shouldn’t be but sometimes I see families and think, they are so lucky. I told a friend of mine last year, I couldn’t stand it, she has a wonderful family and I saw her hugging her brother (My brother abused me and I get really emotional about brothers sometimes) and I burst into tears and just told her she was so lucky.
I just am worried because I don’t want to fall into that depression, or atleast not be as depressed. I’m already feeling terrible with all the Christmas stuff out, and all I want for Christmas is to keep from being suicidal this year, I really really don’t want to let myself get that upset and I’m afraid of what I might do. I’ve been trying to come up with ways to keep myself from it. I am just very scared and anxious and I don’t know how much I can take this year. I’m anxious just thinking about Christmas.

 

[Deleted member 541]

Try and remember good coping skills, they go a long way if you do them often....

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I am just very scared and anxious and I don’t know how much I can take this year. I’m anxious just thinking about Christmas.

We will be here for other this year, Rosie on the forum so please plan for that. I am sorry that this season is so hard on you this year. I find some holiday seasons are better than others depending on where we are at and I think it is wise to be concerned . I hope that you can shut the door on the holiday season and ground yourself in the reality that this year it is harder for you.

I agee with @She Cat that you do need really good coping skills more now than ever before. Please hang onto the truths you have that you are a good person and deserve real good in your life now and do so much self care, ie, pajama days with movies and good comfort food. Try to write down a list of all of the possible things that you need and it is good to try this. I am working on this one too. Not as well as I could be but I just think it is so sad that we have such a hard time accepting that we are good people who really and truly deserve good.

For me I came to a point where I made the commitment that suicide is no longer an option for me. I realize that you are not there yet, but maybe want to be at some point?

It is so hard to start over and it is worse in the beginning of placing ourselves on a new path that says yes to life well lived. It takes a whole lot of baby steps, so can you cut it down to smaller steps? Just go moment to moment? Call a hot line therapist? Have a set plan of the baby steps you can take to slow down the process? I know easier said than done , but you are a truly good person who deserves good.

When I think of you as a child growing up, alone among so many truly evil, toxic, and sick people my heart goes out to you, but you managed to survive it all and now no matter how hard it is you have your own survival helping you along in beginning to create a new life out of so much badness and evil.

I know easier said than done, But I encourage you to do all you can now to honor that little girls survival. She made it to now and needs you to help her. I imagine that the tiredness of life comes from her directly. As adults we are in the position to make a radical difference in our own lives. I am not very good at this either because I tend to fight against it and still have not figured out why I am so resistant.

It is hard and that is a understatement. I am so glad you had the courage to make a thread about where you are right now and expressing how you feel and what your concerns are. I hear and believe you. Hang on to life Rosie with all you are and have. This has been a very rough year for year for you and I understand that. It is so seemingly impossible to take that next step. But I have confidence in your strong surviving spirit will begin to fight back against the darkness in the best ways you know how. Just baby steps with so many breaks will get you out of the darkness.:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:

 

[Deleted member 40995]

We will be here for other this year, Rosie on the forum so please plan for that. I am sorry that this seas...

@Rain thank you.Thank you so very much I cried when I read this it was so very kind and you really have helped so much just by writing this I can’t tell you thank you enough. Thank you my friend :hug:

 

[Deleted member 12723]

You are welcome, Rosie,:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:

 

[MrMoonlight]

I really really don’t want to let myself get that upset and I’m afraid of what I might do. I’ve been trying to come up with ways to keep myself from it.

@Rosie11 Wishing for you peace.

I love your quote above! You recognize trouble and are now planning for it. I think that's one of the important keys...having a plan.

You should be doing something everyday to lessen stress and anxiety. IMO it should be a set time if possible so it becomes routine and your mind/body gets used to relaxing at a set time.

Exercise (walking) every morning and meditation at least 3 times a day is now my default anti-anxiety plan/routine.

My trauma deal happened on new year's eve when I was 12 and this year I will be in that city. My EMDR therapist "installed" a safe place last week and I go there, as I said, 3 time a day. I am also building an mp3 file with all my favorite positive songs and a bunch of guided meditations that I find relaxing. By relaxing I mean it takes me out of this world for a few which can allow my mind/body to find center again.

My plan is to use my installed safe place and the mp3 stuff...then medications or I should say I will as per normal be using my current set of meds (marijuana, Restoril (took it for first time last night for sleep did nothing). I'll try again tonight to make sure I have a viable insomnia solution, if not I'll contact my Psychiatrist for something different.

Take care and thanks for letting me rant on about myself for a bit.

 

[Deleted member 40995]

@Rosie11 Wishing for you peace.

I love your quote above! You recognize trouble...

Hello :) I’m sorry to hear New Years is difficult for you too :/ good ideas, I will try those for sure, and I hope we can both get through these difficult holiday seasons, music can help so much so hopefully that will help us both :)

 

[Deleted member 44579]

Hi @Rosie11... I'm sorry it's such a hard time for you just now.... When it was my anniversary I just hid away for weeks.... And although not ideal it worked.

Have you got a therapist or a support phone line you could access?.... On those days where it is unbearable?...... You have got all of us on here who care and support you.

It makes me so angry that because of what those bastards did to all of us the only way we cope is by wanting to hurt ourselves?... Where is the logic, justice in that???!??.....

It's not right is it,?........ Anyway please take care.... Remember is temporary... And it's going to be a tough month.... But also lots and lots of self care, self love... And if you need to hide away that's OK.....Please don't hurt yourself...... There not worth it......

 

[Deleted member 40995]

Hi @Rosie11... I'm sorry it's such a hard time for you just now.... When it was my anni...

You’re so right, it’s not fair and it is sad that we hurt ourselves because of it. I’m trying not to I’m really hoping to be able to atleast not self harm, and my goal is not to dive off any bridges :sorry: Hiding may be what I end up doing if I can’t take it, his most of Thanksgiving. Quite literally hid in my closet and cried that day. My good t moved away and I’m still looking for a good one. I’ve used the RAINN hotline before and that helps sometimes, but they aren’t as much for suicide/depression, and my trauma wasn’t only what they work with so it’s not always the best for me but I’m looking for other hotlines.
Hoping to spend a lot of time here y’all are so supportive :) Thank you :hug:

 

[Deleted member 40995]

Try and remember good coping skills, they go a long way if you do them often....

Do you have any that have worked well for you? I’m interested in any suggestions to help get through the holidays :)

 

[Deleted member 44579]

Hi @Rosie11..... Honestly if you need help just ask..... That's what we are all here for.... And try and remember it's temporary..... It won't always be like this...... It will get easier... Now when I say that sometimes people want to slap me.... You get 1 shot only.... That's it.... Please take care....... If there is anything... Anything that makes you smile... Remember that.... Take care.....

 

[Deleted member 40995]

Hi @Rosie11..... Honestly if you need help just ask..... That's what we are all here fo...

Thank you so much Xena, that’s very true. And thank you, I appreciate y’alls support so much I really do, it helps a lot to know there are kind people to lean on thank you :hug: