Relationship Why do sufferers sometimes never keep their word

[krisss]

I'm a supporter, who is trying desperately to understand her vet who has combat PTSD. I just want to kind of get an idea of why some sufferers do this. Whereas maybe we can make plans with you, and you bail or make the same plans with someone else.

For ex: We made plans to go see a movie, and when I mentioned it he said he may actually go see it with one of his friends when we literally talked about seeing it together.

I really try to not get upset and frustrated but its hard. Why is this so difficult?

& for other supporters, how do you handle this situation? - I don't want to pressure him into doing something he doesnt want to do or make him uncomfortable. I know its not necessarily done on purpose but I cant help but get disappointed and let down.

I'm trying to understand to better handle these situations. Help?

 

[LuckiLee]

Stress.

My guy would never go to the theatre. Trapped in a room with people he doesn't know. Not enough exits. The dark. Everyone is a threat....

J always mentions things he wants to do (he'd love to be "normal"). He and I both know he's unable to do alot of things. So we just say "yeah, that would be awesome.

Even through the holidays. He was happy and excited for Christmas up until Friday. Everything went to sh*t. Yesterday he said he was so mad at himself because he was happy and he new it would get bad. He said he's not gonna do that again next year. He'll just do his own thing. He wanted soooo bad to have a nice relaxing holiday but then PTSD had a different plan for him.

PTSD sufferers can't do all the things we can do. Crowds. Noise. The unknown. Fear. Fear. Fear.

You have to let him go at his own pace.

✌ & ❤ to you and your Veteran!!

 

[krisss]

Stress.

My guy would never go to the theatre. Trapped in a room with people he doesn't know. Not enoug...

All that makes complete sense! But he CAN do theaters, its just he said he was going to go with his guy friend instead of with me. Does it specifically have to do with me? Does he just rather be with his friends over me? If so why even tell me he wanted to go with me to begin with?

 

[LuckiLee]

Have you asked him?

 

[krisss]

Have you asked him?

No because I didnt want to push him on it - how should i ask that without making him feel like he HAS to go with me?

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Whereas maybe we can make plans with you, and you bail or make the same plans with someone else.

Hi when I have to cancel with someone it is usually because of experiencing my symptoms and am unable to function in the planned event. People usually do not understand what I go with in the experience of having PTSD in my experience anyway. There is a lot of ignorance and misinformation and a general not really wanting to get more information about it because people are busy in their own lives and I am not saying that you are like this or doing this.

I would never cancel and tell you that I would go with another friend so I do not know how to address this part of it.

But that is just me so far anyway.

I have an anxiety disorder and often have to cancel events and appointments because of the intense anxiety i am experiencing and am unable to function the way I do normally. If I canceled an event with you I would try to make an arrangement if possible to do it with you at another time when I am able to function. I know that this is a stumbling block for some of my friends and they do not understand why, maybe I should tell them I do not know for sure. I prefer to not give out too much information about my disorder because it does not feel safe for me to do so as I do not have very much trust in them to be safe with with me about this.

This is just me and I am sure it is different for each person and I hope that you get the answers you seek soon. Good luck.

 

[scout86]

Why would ANYONE do that? Serious question.

Unless you knew this person pre-ptsd, and he never behaved that way then, and now he does, maybe this has nothing to do with PTSD at all.

As has already been mentioned, anxiety in some situations IS often part of PTSD and sometimes that makes it harder to keep a promise than we thought it would be. But, if a person wasn't good at keeping promises, or took advantage of people, or lied BEFORE they got PTSD, they're going to do it after as well.

 

[LuckiLee]

Just mention that you thought you were going to go together.

IDK. You know him better than we do. Why do you think he changed his mind?

 

[EveHarrington]

Why do firefighters sometimes never keep their word?

Why does the president sometimes never keep his word?

Why do doctors sometimes never keep their word?

Why do bus drivers sometimes never keep their word?

Why do carpenters sometimes never keep their word?

Why do cooks sometimes never keep their word?

Why do therapists sometimes never keep their word?

I think I’ve made my point.

 

[krisss]

Why would ANYONE do that? Serious question.

Unless you knew this person pre-ptsd, and he never behaved...

I knew him before his PTSD symptoms became so bad that its affecting his normal day to day - So i wasnt sure if this was something that had to do with that, or specifically with me.

 

[krisss]

Why do firefighters sometimes never keep their word?

Why does the president sometimes never keep...

Lol, i meant no disrespect if that's how you took it. I had read on forums and other threads that sometimes they dont follow through with what they say they will.
I asked for advice, and insight so that I DO NOT misinterpret.

 

[LuckiLee]

Oh and sometimes people change their minds. It may be something as simple as that.