Relationship Why do sufferers sometimes never keep their word

[krisss]

My friend did that to me once. I am the one with PTSD and she is not. Our plans were to go with ano...

Being as how you are the one with PTSD, how did that all make you feel? It's so hard not to let it get to me.

 

[LuckiLee]

Thanks for answering! Ahh 2.5 years. The end of the honeymoon stage. The time our real selves start showing up and the work of a relationship starts. (stress)

Is he in therapy?
And what do you mean by "completely out"?
You're broke up right now? It sounds like he wants some space. I'd give it to him.

Glad you were able to talk with him. I hope it went well.
✌

 

[Gamereign555]

Being as how you are the one with PTSD, how did that all make you feel? It's so hard not to let it get t...

I live with her and we are close. So I could not help but feel some level of rejection. Meaning that she did not care how I felt. Or that she simply didn’t value our friendship enough to accommodate her word with me.

It also made me feel really bad for her because she does have a problem with prioritizing, and following through on her plans.

But ultimately I do understand her tendencies and her limitations. It is because of that that I don’t dwell on it for too long. It is beneficial to the both of us that I bring up such issues now and then lightheartedly.

 

[krisss]

@krisss I’m not sure I can say much to help as such & I obviously don’t know all...

Wow.

If i could like your post a million times I would. I think it does come to play that somewhat its not all his PTSD. and He is just being a poor and unfair partner. It makes me feel very bad that I am actively trying to better understand him and react better, and he can inconsiderately throw me on a back burner due to whatever reason. I 100% know about people not being able to keep their word, or being forgetful which DOES HAPPEN. I think i just sometimes also try to make excuses for him, because yes he suffers, yes he has all these problems I cant begin to understand, so when he treats me unfairly, it's easier to accept it because of that rather than accept its because hes not being good to me at the moment. I hope that makes sense, sometimes I ramble.

He has sometimes made jokes about having a personality disorder, or being bipolar. I've noticed little tweaks here and there. But the more I talk about what goes on, the more I realize all those little tweaks adding up.

It makes me feel very hurt, and very worthless. Because I feel like i'm doing everything I can for him, for the both of us, to just be tossed around like dirt.

I think I will talk to him, and see how it goes. I'm really upset and feeling low.

Thank you for all the wishes.

 

[krisss]

Thanks for answering! Ahh 2.5 years. The end of the honeymoon stage. The time our real selves start sho...

Precisely the end of the honeymoon stage. So frustrating, i think i overflowed his "stress cup"

He is not in therapy, and will not seek therapy. He doesnt believe any one can understand what he has seen/done so hes in this "whats the point" mentality.

He completely got out of the military, he is now a civilian.
We're broken up, but he is with me every single day. Acts like we are together, the dynamics are somewhat the same. I explain more in my introduction thread, you may or may not have commented on that. Not sure, you can check it out if you want to put both of these together.

 

[krisss]

I live with her and we are close. So I could not help but feel some level of rejection. Meaning tha...

I guess i should follow that same thought process, if i understand it more - I won't be blind sided and then left disappointed. I see what you mean by boundaries.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Were the plans made before or after he broke up with you? If it was before, maybe he thought breaking up released him from any plans.

 

[Gamereign555]

I guess i should follow that same thought process, if i understand it more - I won't be blind sided and...

Yes and so I shouldn’t expect too much from our plans what that means. It helps me not feel so let down. Whether this works in your relationship is entirely up to your perspective.

It also helps that I bring it up but being the way that I am, it’s easy for me to be too critical or overgeneralize, label, exaggerate, I recognize these as my flaws potentially and so I work on those and I’m fully aware of them. So I tend not to bring up other peoples tendency in such ways if I can help it. I still bringing up I’m just more clever about how I do it so that I don’t show anger.

 

[krisss]

Were the plans made before or after he broke up with you? If it was before, maybe he thought breakin...

Oh we've been broken up for almost 3 weeks, these plans were made like 3 days ago, and then last night he mentioned going with his friend. It's not about him forgetting, he knows we were supposed to go together.

 

[krisss]

Yes and so I shouldn’t expect too much from our plans what that means. It helps me not feel so le...

This makes total sense, no expectation=no disappointment.

I have really bad tendencies to over read, over analyze, and over think things. I drive myself crazy and then that just royally pisses me off and makes the situation worse.
I'm currently reading a lot of books, and just talking to people to try and work on myself to then better help the dynamic of our relationship and what I want it eventually to be.

 

[LuckiLee]

Oh boy! Untreated PTSD. This ain't gonna be easy that's for sure.

My guy goes to a Vet Center (different from the VA). Most if not all the staff has seen combat. Everyone in his group (therapy) has seen combat. Believe me they understand!

See if you have one in your area and try to gently persuade him to reach out. Then drop it. It's his choice what he does or doesn't do.

Going to read your intro. I think I may have responded to it. (hope I was nice lol)

 

[krisss]

Oh boy! Untreated PTSD. This ain't gonna be easy that's for sure.

My guy goes to a Vet Center (differe...

i was thinking about looking up a vet center near me but he is so stubborn and self sufficient that i don’t know how to really approach him about it.
i feel like that may push him away from me.

i’m crazy for thinking that way right?

let me know how you put the two together!