Relaxation triggers panic

[Scarlet13]

When I was first learning how to meditate and such, I couldn't sit still, at all, and had abs...

I like this defining these tasks as mindful. Activities that are just naturally soothing, that we don't do enough.
Long ago cultures faced multiple traumas and hardships, but maybe coped through making things. People of the past operated more as artists, making pottery, gathering food, weaving ect.
Mindfulness does not have to be traditional eastern methodologies.
My problem is that I survived abuse as a kid by always doing art, swimming, and listening to soothing music.
I love these things now and they work wonders, but they actually trigger me.
I can get flashbacks from soothing music.
I can get that "monkey brain" from yoga/meditation and this can be painful.
But my biggest issue is with the hypervigilence.

It just does not feel safe enough to relax.
Relaxation feels too risky.
Also, mindfulness techniques and even acts like gardening and art take hard work.
For me, hard work is apart of my hypervigilence. It is like I always had to work so hard to survive.
So, I am trying to make mindfulness easy
Practicing acceptance of the alerting reaction or the monkey brain is an act of ease or of letting go.
I have discovered yoga nidra which is a meditation that requires no technique. You just listen to the voice. It is hypnotic.
I am sure for some this could be triggering.

 

[Stephernovas]

So, today my T and I discussed how I get triggered by relaxation. When ever I set out to relax and...

Yeah. I feel like mine comes from the inability to be vulnerable as well. My therapist is trying very hard to get me to pair exposure with relaxation, and all I want to do is tell her to take a hike. Relaxation is not only welcoming all the bad thoughts/memories, but I have such a hard time physically sitting still. My anxiety can get so bad that I am unable to stop moving, I fidget and sometimes dart around the room doing a million different things at once. Sitting still while in or near that state is almost impossible. Baby steps.

 

[EveHarrington]

I hate things like yoga and meditation. They make me want to get up, bolt, and run five miles! It’s annoying that every therapist tells me that yoga will do wonders for me. NOT! I have to BURN of the anxiety, not force myself into a catatonic state. Lol.

 

[Stephernovas]

I hate things like yoga and meditation. They make me want to get up, bolt, and run five miles! It...

I agree with this, however I will add that pre-accident I did enjoy yoga. I am very into fitness and this was a new challenge for me. However as I mentioned before, when I’m TOO anxious, the worst thing you can tell me to do is “calm down” into something like relaxation or yoga.

Come to think of it, that seems to be what everyone believe the magic cure for me is. Physio, massage, concussion doctor, and (in a relaxation way) my therapist. I tried to do 30min cycling on the bike this morning. I’ve been paying for it all day! Neck tension, body aches and headache. Unless I’m laying down with a heat pack under my neck, there’s no way I can do anything except feel terrible. I need my body back!!!

 

[Deleted member 43454]

Yea coming from over there where complacency gets you killed I learned it applies on the streets too.
I suggest self defense training. An striving to achieve resolute acceptance of death as the remedy.
Sounds all hardcore lol cus it is. Biggest defeater of fear is FAITH. Harness it.
PTSD we're on the battle field of the mind. You have to guard what you ALLOW into it.
That goes for music, hypnotism etc. All you need is with in yourself.
Yoga, all that new age crap works if you're of this world.
But not for me.

We all gotta go sometime, but I put my faith and trust in God and countless rounds down range in training to be prepared to defend myself and others at all times.