Questions about avoidance

[Gs172003]

I could not find that @Zoogal , do you have her name?

I haven't looked yet

 

[Cleo1521]

Yes, yes, and yes! I am right there as well. Isolating even from the site. Its that bad....

Thank you for being so open and honest. This has all helped me to understand what is going on with him. I have noticed that when he shuts me out he gives a lot more attention to meaningless people especially women. I can only assume that it’s because people like that don’t require much effort from him. Like I said this is someone I’ve known for 30 years so walking away isn’t something I will ever do.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Like I said this is someone I’ve known for 30 years so walking away isn’t something I will ever do.

Understood an amirable. When I said "let him be", I meant when he is isolating, not forever. Wasn't sure if you misunderstood cause I reread that and it was easy to misunderdtand what I meant. Words don't type out as easy as I'd like them to many times.

 

[Cleo1521]

Understood an amirable. When I said "let him be", I meant when he is isolating, not forever....

I didn’t take it that way. Most people think I’m crazy for even bothering with him for the way he treats me, but I know this is all much greater than me. We haven’t spoke since a few days before Christmas. That’s the weekend he disappeared. I reacted because I took at as he just doesn’t give a crap about me. This is why I came here. I know that I can’t do that after everyone’s input.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

few days before Christmas

Holidays are hard for many with PTSD. We had several holiday threads here due to that and I am still trying to recover from the holidays. Don't take it personal. Im sure he wanted to spend the holidays with you but just couldn't. Give him some time to recover from it. Once you said when it was it instantly made sense as to why he isolated. What the holidays means to us all is different but being holly and merry when all thats inside is misery is not possible and pretending in front of a bunch of people can become way too much very fast. And then to ruin your holidays on top of it was likely out of the question.

 

[Gs172003]

I'm sorry but if he's walking away from you to be with other women that's not ok. Ptsd or not.

 

[scout86]

"Mind reading" is something people do. A lot. And I don't think it's ever helpful.

We all have our own concept of what makes a relationship work too. As far as I'm concerned, if a relationship is going to work, at some point, you have to be able to talk about big stuff. (I suspect everyone doesn't see it that way.)

From my point of view, at some point, the two of you need to be able to discuss what's going on and what you both need from this relationship. And to hear each other. No judgement. No price for speaking the truth. Just acceptance. For and from both of you.

There's a lot of information out there on the "right" way to have a disagreement without being disagreeable. Do some research.

I can't remember if you mentioned him being in therapy. It's possible he hasn't got enough of a handle on his condition to BE in a successful relationship right now. A lot of things are possible. We can only give you a bit of insight into some of the possibilities. You can only learn about his reality from him.

 

[Cleo1521]

I'm sorry but if he's walking away from you to be with other women that's not ok. Ptsd or not.

Couldn’t agree more. I have to look at this as a friend before anything though. He’s not in the right state of mind to be dating anyone.

"Mind reading" is something people do. A lot. And I don't think it's ever helpful.

We all have our ow...

He goes next week for the first time. I believe his family and I have realized more what is going on with him than he has. I’m making assumptions and by bits and pieces of what he does tell me when he opens up is that he’s very confused as to what is happening to him and he can’t handle any form of stress. He’s also suffered from depression for his whole life. Right now he’s like a shell of what he used to be and I know this is a new reality for all of us. He used to be a very emotional man and now I don’t think he feels anything.

 

[scout86]

I'm glad to hear he's got an appointment. Then it sure seems like it pays to stand by and see what happens. Good luck to you both!

 

[Buttercup]

I could not find that @Zoogal , do you have her name?

Sorry I meant this for @lostforgottensoul

 

[lostforgottensoul]

do you have her name?

It's Us.

Arianna Pflederer

 

[Buttercup]

It's Us.

Thanks!