Relationship Provoking

[Supervixn]

I'm in isolate mode right now -- and last night I was livid with hubby over something that happened when I was trying to share how

Yes! Thanks for sharing this-- I am in that exact place right now. ...And time and again.

I reacted similar to what you described and have been trying to express that I acknowledge when I'm being irrational but it's like it needs to just come out. I'm not entirely sure how to help it either besides doing my best to be as respectful as I can while I'm beyond angry. But then comes the isolation. Then reconciliation. Some time elapses. Then a blow up. Cycle repeats.

We sufferers are frustrated too... ugggh

 

[Supervixn]

because I don't know I need a break until after I blow up. That's my first indication there is a problem

I'll second that as well

 

[Buttercup]

Yes! Thanks for sharing this-- I am in that exact place right now. ...And time and again.

I reacte...

Once you have calmed down and are in a better state, are you able to see what made you blow up or get so angry? Are you able to pinpoint those moments at all?

 

[Supervixn]

Once you have calmed down and are in a better state, are you able to see what made you blow up or get so angry? Are you able to pinpoint those moments at all?

Yes only after solitude and reflection. It sounds like a cop out but honestly, I sometimes don't remember things I say and things that have been said to me.

It's true that in those moments of rage, rarely is anything ever about the person in front of me. It's kind of like a reinactment of past situations where I'm going to fight to get some false sense of victory. It's absolutely horrible for those who have to endure it. I always feel sorry and remorseful but it doesn't stop it from happening over and over. It's like a continuous loop. It is true that things fester inside until they erupt. Supporters are some of the best people in the world for dealing with it because I can imagine it's extremely painful for them as well.

 

[Buttercup]

Yes only after solitude and reflection. It sounds like a cop out but honestly, I sometimes don't rem...

It does not sound like a cop out at all. I understand that happens. It happens to my guy too.

One of the biggest issues or problems, or perhaps damage that happens here is how badly you feel about yourself after. That's my opinion. It seems like that would be so hard on you and my heart goes out to you for that.

Are you in therapy? Sorry I haven't read a lot about you to know that. If so, does your therapist give any tools or suggestions?

I've read that mindfulness helps a lot. I don't know a lot about it but it may be something for you to research. I read there has been considerable results with female veterans using mindfulness to help with their symptoms. And I don't think you have to be a female veteran for it to work.

 

[Buttercup]

@Supervixn I know I am not in a place to be giving you suggestions, but my heart went out to you and I wanted to offer something up. Please ignore anything i wrote up there that is not helpful.

 

[Freida]

I've heard a lot about the success they are having in all areas of stress/trauma with mindfulness training. We were looking into it when I was still with 911 as a stress reduction method. You have to commit to an 8 week program, which has me putting it on pause. Not sure I can handle adding one more thing to my poor brain.

It's kind of like a reinactment of past situations where I'm going to fight to get some false sense of victory.

This is interesting. My go to in those situations is to run/explode rather than fight/explode. I wonder if the reactions we have now are related to how we reacted during the original trauma? Or maybe what we wished we could have done? hmmmm

 

[Supervixn]

Are you in therapy? Sorry I haven't read a lot about you to know that. If so, does your therapist give any tools or suggestions?

I am, yes. Thank you for sharing about your relationship, insights and what helps! Although my therapist is insanely wise and her advice has been a God send, I don't feel she really comprehends the, for lack of a better word, the "complexity" of cPTSD. She's wonderfully helpful but the standards she operates from apply more to people without the "brain injury" of PTSD. It's deeper sometimes than I think she realizes, but I willingly take her tools and suggestions since I barely understand the complexities myself... It's a mess. It's ok though. Live and learn.

The shame afterwards in my case is perpetuated by my significant other. He truly believes I am a bad person more than a disordered one. I'm pretty much on my way out because the shaming doesn't help. I love him and I get where he's at but I just don't need it. He doesn't need this either. He had a very different upbringing and continues to have an immense support system where mine begins here and ends with my therapist. There's literally no one else. Not by choice. My family is ravaged with mental health issues. None of us talk to each other and when there's communication it's abusive and hurtful. I'm grateful for the distance.

I wonder if the reactions we have now are related to how we reacted during the original trauma? Or maybe what we wished we could have done?

In my case it would be the latter. It's almost like a split reality during these intense moments. I become supreme defender, ready to annihilate any threat to what feels really vulnerable and up for attack. Almost always blown out of proportion. But I'll always "win"; but in the end I tend to lose. All we can ever do is keep learning and keep doing our best.

 

[Freida]

The shame afterwards in my case is perpetuated by my significant other. He truly believes I am a bad person more than a disordered one. I'm pretty much on my way out because the shaming doesn't help.

I have no words for this. I'm so very, very sorry

 

[Buttercup]

I am also very sorry about that. It's understandable you would want, or need, to leave that situation.

Are there any support groups near you?

 

[Supervixn]

I have no words for this. I'm so very, very sorry

Well thank you for that! It's okay. I mean it isn't lol, but I understand... He himself suffers from depression and anxiety. Sometimes I think both of our upbringings, as far from each other as they are, have blinded us to truly being able to understand each other's experience.

All that will be will be. I trust where my life will lead me, and I feel the same for him and everyone else.

All is well though and I thank you, all of my friends here, sufferers and supporters alike, for always being here with kind words, insight, and good willed direction. Thank you friends!

 

[Supervixn]

Are there any support groups near you?

Thank you. None that I'm aware of though I might bring it up to my therapist. I could use practice in sharing with others. Good suggestion