Sexual Assault Girl sexually assaulted by girl

[Rumors]

@Rumors I first replied sex of the abuser does not matter but I see your point...

It is extremely f-cked up. Unfortunately, there are no right or wrong answers when trying to figure this out. It is just a very hard exposure to have regardless. It’s important to remember everyone’s journey is different and it may not matter to some and may matter a lot to others. It is something that has haunted me however. I can’t even bare to think about it much less talk about it. In my family there was a lot of pressure to be perfect and visually successful. Being gay was the antithesis of what my mom/dad wanted to project to the world. Funny thing, my brother is gay....and married to a dude and seems happy. Lol. I, however, married “well” and did exactly what they wanted because I was running from what happened to me and now struggle in a marriage to a man that, given the opportunity, would trade me for a winning lottery ticket any given day. Oh well. It’s funny how those things work out. I can tell you I went through a tremendous period of my life feeling guilty and wondering if being abused by another woman made me gay then I obsessed over how mad my parents would be and how much I would let them down if it were true. Turns out I am straight but I still get nauseated thinking about what happened bc I fear if someone found out I would be “outed” and “important people” would be disappointed. I can’t really make sense of the whole thing. It is chaos in my head. I can’t believe I just outed myself here....gotta go panic now. Lol

 

[EveHarrington]

I think sex of the abuser can matter no matter what sex you are or what sex your abuser was. (I do agree that same sex abuse can have an added layer of difficulty!)

I mean, how many times have you heard a rape victim say she hates all men because of her rape? (I say this only to illustrate that one can have difficulty with an entire gender based on the gender of their abuser.)

Same sex abuse carries with it different struggles, I agree!

 

[hithere]

Please do not just discount this book I'm going to suggest, because you don't like the performer. However, Pattie Mallette, Justin Bieber's mother, wrote a book called Nowhere but Up. She writes about her childhood sexual abuse at the hands of a girl that was few years older than her. Pattie tried to kill herself as a teenager and was hospitalized more than once. She is brutally honest in her book. She writes that after years of abuse, it was a public service announcement by a child actor that gave her the courage to stop it. However, she never told anyone, and honestly, I don't think anyone would have really cared if she had. I read her book and I found it validating as I was sexually abused by the same sex. I was sexually abused by the opposite sex. It is so hard and people do not want to talk about it or believe that it is nothing more than "sex play." or they say that girls aren't abusers or women aren't abusers There is a pervasive cultural bias in this country that women are victims and men are abusers. This also hurts boys sexually abused by the opposite sex. The boys are supposed to "like" it. Jokes are made by comedians about it, such as, "where were these teachers when I was in school?" There is a reason for the self-hatred, the chaotic inner world, the anxiety, the identity issues. No, we did not invite it. I am very sorry that you experienced this. I believe you will heal from it. i feel that the stories are out there, but because of the cultural opinions, those stories are not told. I liked Pattie's book even though people scorn her son's success. I found the book uplifting. She writes, however, that she still struggles with her mental health today. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to share about this topic. It's a very important topic to me.

 

[Scarlet13]

So I was molested by a woman (and also most likely by a man) and here are some specific issues that arise from the same sex scenario:
1. I hate changing in the locker room. I have heard repeatedly how this is "safe" because of the only women aspect of locker rooms. I hated seeing older naked women, yet if I wanted to go swimming I had to deal with this.
2. When I went through puberty and noticed my own body I found myself disgusting and tried to stay young. To this day I literally am triggered by MY OWN BODY.
3. There was a certain emotional intimacy projected into the abuse. This emotional intimacy has f*cked me up in terms of intimacy. This emotional intimacy is present in both male/female abuse.
4. I always feel like my abuse "didn't really count." I feel as though I was raped by this woman. She and someone else lined objects up on a tray. Yet this doesn't feel like it counts as it wasn't with a man.
5. Traditionally safe people are not safe. Moms are not safe. Teenage girls are not safe. My children have never had a babysitter other than their grandparents.

I also hate the word "molestation". This word sounds like some one came inside of you and warped your genes and now you are permanently abnormal and disgusting. But that is how sexual abuse makes you feel no matter what its called.

 

[Rose White]

I was sexually abused by my dad when I was a toddler, but didn’t know it was abuse til much later, because it was done matter-of-factly and when I was barely talking. Then when I was a teenager, sexually abused by my neighbor for several years, who was a nurse and mom of young girls.

I agree with @Scarlet13 about how the projected emotional intimacy seems the most destructive. I am only now beginning to understand this. My own body triggers me too.

At this point it feels like my dad messed up my relationship with myself and my neighbor messed up my relationships with friends. And I don’t know which one drives me toward being gay or being straight. My gender and sexuality feel all mixed up.

You are definitely not alone on this one.

 

[xoxocee]

It is extremely f-cked up. Unfortunately, there are no right or wrong answers when trying to figure this...

I'm so sorry that you're struggling. It is really difficult indeed, and that's why I created this thread. I recently discovered that I am attracted to women (still not sure if I'm bi or gay so I'm going with queer for now), and that has put my sexual assault in a completely different light. For me it's not so much that I'm confused about liking women, but more so that I notice it's giving me lots of trouble sexually. In my head, my first sexual encounter was abuse done to me by a girl. So now every time I think about wanting to be with a girl, I get a stress reaction because I instantly slip back into the memory and feel, hear, see everything again. I know that's the PTSD, but it's really annoying and complicated. So yes, the sex of your abuser does matter because it has different implications. And the worst thing for me is that I feel like there's no space yet to talk about it really (except here). Like if I look at the #MeToo movement, I don't really feel like there's room for same-sex sexual violence because at the moment it is mostly concerning itself with men. And I'm not saying that that's not an issue because it is, but because the emphasis is always on heterosexual interactions/relationships, processing and working through my own abuse gets highly complicated.

-C

 

[Rumors]

I'm so sorry that you're struggling. It is really difficult indeed, and that's why I created this thread. I recently d...

I think we tend to flock to what is familiar so I would be aware of that as you try to figure things out. I think if your final conclusion is that you are gay, that is fine but go in to it with an open heart and not because your history is dictating or haunting you.
Part of what happened to me was done by men too. It's funny because my main person had a beard and I dated guys with facial hair. I married a guy with a beard. When I was little I though I would grow up and marry this man even though he was a relative. I think that is why I projected beards on to my boyfriends/husband. It seemed familiar, even though very sick and twisted, it was almost comforting like an old coat that kept you warm. I don't have any answers nor can I tell you where you will end up on the subject. I can only tell you that as you look at things you need to do it with a healthy open mind and not one that is being driven by previous abuse. You very well may be gay and I think any chance you can find love is great but not matter if you are straight or gay you need the skills to have a healthy relationship and not one filled with an ugly rap sheet that follows you from relationship to relationship. Best wishes! I am sending loads of good mojo your way!

 

[frogthroat]

When I was a girl I was sexually abused by both a man and woman. I still cringe when I think about having sex with her. I hated it and was aroused by it at the same time. I was more inclined to have sex with her just because he was so much more violent than her but then he would punish me for being "gay." When I say she was nicer than him take that with a grain of salt because she was a sadist too.
Society has to realize that female offenders should be considered a real problem...of, course the judicial system has consider sexual assault an actual crime first but I digress.
You're not alone. It's very hard. Even though I know I'm straight I still have meltdowns where I think I'm gay.

 

[Rose White]

As a teacher at a small school I can attest that there are about an equal amount of girls who sexually harass as boys. And the girls don’t just harass boys, in fact about half the girls who harass are harassing other girls—by touching them inappropriately or demanding sexual activity.

 

[Rose White]

I accidentally posted before I was finished. I wanted to say that at any given time it is only about one or two percent of the population harassing and it usually only happens with new students because they think they can get away with it like they did at a bigger school. If they continue they are expelled.

I wholeheartedly agree with @frogthroat that “society has to realize that female offenders are a real threat.”

With our most recent female offender at school the mother was in denial and did not want to acknowledge or accept her daughter’s behavior. Perhaps this is related to the societal problem of not accepting females as aggressive or sexually harassing.

 

[Flecksofmidnight]

I am so sorry you feel isolated and alone. This shouldn’t be taboo at all. I am a woman and have been sexually abused by a woman also. It’s awful

 

[Swift]

I'm really sorry that this has happened to everybody here. Me too.
My main abuser was a woman. She used to get her male friends to, um, help.
Then she'd do it to me again, and tell me that I was gay all along for her. She was often really gentle and kind while they were abusing me, cuddling me and stroking my hair and stuff, but she arranged the whole thing.
The intimacy is the absolute headf*ck. She was the only person who said nice things to me, or looked after me even a little, and I thought that the sex stuff was just what I had to do because she wanted me to. Even with the most sadistic stuff she did (trust me it was pretty bad), she'd hold me after and tell me how much she loved me.
As an out gay woman, I still hate being called a lesbian, because that was what she told me I was.
The f*cked-up thing is I miss her gentleness and just holding me.
I tried to turn myself straight, it didn't work.