Relationship Isolating - waitng

[anon1234]

I learned so much on these forums @Buttercup , including posts you wrote actually :) if I hadn't come here, I think things would have been different. I still don't know the long term prognosis, but all I know now is that I won't rush anything or get stressed when I don't get texts all the time. This is not a normal "he's just not that into you" situation. Those rules don't apply. Another thing that doesn't help - friends who don't know anything about PTSD. They will give you the worst advise...and blow up at you if they rhino you've given them anther chance. I now stick to communication with those who understand. Stops me getting wound up and doing something hasty in the spur of the moment.

*rhino! That's meant to say "think" !

 

[Deleted member 44240]

*rhino! That's meant to say "think" !

@anon1234,
Like yourself, I’ve learned so much just with reading the different post here and it’s helped a great deal. Although I still may have it hard for my ex, I now know he’s just not well enough to maintain a connection with me. That may change one day, but until then, I can only hope and pray he’ll be ok. We used to speak everyday; sometimes twice a day. We would laugh and enjoy each other’s conversation; I find that I miss the friendship more than anything. I also know that if he contacts me again, I am so prepared for how to handle our friendship and how we’ll interact with each other. I’ve changed a great deal since this isolation; my heart has gone into protection mode; not to be hurt again. As I mentioned, I love him very much, but I can’t allow myself to be devastated again.

 

[anon1234]

@B.J. make yourself a number one priority. Just don't despair, the friendship might not have gone anywhere. I've learned a lot through this period about how I can jump to worst case scenarios. Without evidence to the contrary, try to remain positive. If he comes back, he will need that in you.

 

[Cleo1521]

I learned so much on these forums @Buttercup , including posts you wrote actually :...

I couldn’t agree more. I have also learned that I can only talk with the few others who understand what is going on. Others are so quick to judge and say all of the wrong things. It’s so important to find that support system for yourself.

 

[anon1234]

@Cleo1521 I've had a lot of unsoliciated opinions. But no one has a perfect relationship -those in glass houses should not throw stones.
Ultimately, I've learned a lot on this journey anlit how I respond to others and I have learned to temper my reactions. The skills I have learned have stretched beyond my relationship and helped with my anxiety. I am calmer with others. I've done a lot of work on myself - strangely, without this relationship I probably would not have, or not realized that I too needed to spend time working on my issues.

 

[Buttercup]

I learned so much on these forums @Buttercup , including posts you wrote actually :...

So true! I have absolutely no one I can speak to about this anymore. I was thinking this very thing last night. Fortunately I am in a positive period at the moment and feel really good with him and want to share with my friends, but I can't even share the good stuff. They don't want to hear any of it.

The funny thing is, they are always asking about him and us and what's going on and I just don't engage and tell them much of anything.

I don't blame them at all, actually. It is what it is. I think part of the problem is how upset i would get over things. They don't want to see me upset so...i get it.

Also true it's not a "he's just not that into you" situation. I heard that before at the beginning of all of this and it didnt ring true. It's what brought me here!

Although! I do think some of the cases I see here are the he's just not that into you, or he's a liar or a cheater who also has PTSD. So I guess it's hard to tell?

All I know is that he and I are the only ones who know us. Who have had our conversations and conflicts and whatever else. So even coming here I really have to pick and choose what makes sense for me and my situation. I think this is true for most relationships out there. If not true for every relationship!

 

[Buttercup]

Also ditto on the bad advice. Most advice I get comes from the stance of "normal" relationship rules. A lot of that has either not worked, backfired, or not even applied to our situation.

And one more thought on talking to friends and family :D

Talking about our problems with friends and family can get us even more worked up, anxious and upset. The exact opposite of where we need to be. I believe this is true for every relationship, but even more so in a PTSD relationship.

Ok I think that's all I have to say on this :joyful:

 

[Cleo1521]

I ran into him in a public place tonight. I wasn’t warm and welcoming, but I’m also wrong for saying anything to him when he went mia weeks ago. I give up. I can’t win.

 

[SandyS719]

Or maybe he felt stress when you were away but now that you're back he finds comfort just knowing you...

If your needs are not being met now, it is doubtful they ever will be. It is your decision to leave the relationship or stay.

 

[Deleted member 44240]

My update:
So based on what I’ve learned by pulling information out of him, he’s extremely upset with me because of my violating his trust with speaking too much to a person we know mutually. So, he’s isolating from me because of anger and he said it would be a while before he could speak with me again. I completely understand why he’s upset and I still support him through all of this because he’s worth me being there for him. He said his ex used to do a lot of betraying of trust and he wasn’t accepting it from anyone else. Keep in mind (he’s my ex) and acknowledge that we’re not together, but I made him a promise when we were together that I would be there and he could count on me as long as I was needed. If that’s not love, I don’t know what is.