Financial abuse

[Gs172003]

I think you were talking to me...

If you both have debit cards why does he have to hand you the money?

 

[mamachick]

Sorry Zoogal-my typo..
His employer deposits $100,000 a year in his account. Disability deposits $800 month in mine. About $400 of mine goes out in medical expenses, then gas for my car, food, my dogs, etc. Seems to be an inequity, at least in my opinion.I am grateful that we are financially stable and secure. Sometimes I don't feel it. Right now I do as he did give some over.

 

[Gs172003]

Sorry Zoogal-my typo..
His employer deposits $100,000 a year in his account. Disability deposits $800 mon...

You don't have a joint account??

 

[Gs172003]

@brat17 oh. Heck. No. That's the kind of crap my ex husband would pull but yours sounds more generous. I had to borrow money for a danged Coke.
That's not right.

 

[mamachick]

The joint account is pretty dormant. But like you said, and I said, he can be generous so maybe it is not financial abuse. For me the lines get blurred. He seems to hide money and in some ways I am grateful because he always comes up with it when needed. However, since I don't know how much we have, I never suggest things I would like to do like seeing a play or a weekend trip. I don't want to be a burden either.

 

[Deleted member 29920]

@brat17 am I right in thinking he is now trying to make a change and make it better for you?

 

[Gs172003]

The joint account is pretty dormant. But like you said, and I said, he can be generous so maybe it is not...

He's hiding money? Why?

 

[mamachick]

Im not the most trusting person and I have good reason for that.

LilLynx, he might be...or I just pushed him in a corner. He made every excuse and attempt to get out of it.

Zoogol-yes he seems to be hiding money. It could be in part that his elderly mother is gifting so much to him each yr to avoid tax ramifications. Im quite sure he will inherit her property as he has cared for her for past 25 yrs since her husband died. Or he may be waiting to come of age (not long) to retire and collect his pension and cut me out of it.(I hate to think that way) But when there is such secrecy about finances and we have made no wills or anything, I am leary.

I will likely croak before him, but what if thats not the case. If he died and I don't have access to any money until it is all sorted out...then what. I do not know the laws. We have pensions/annuities from 31 yr marriage. We have life insurance. We have equity in our home. I keep telling him that we need to see an attorney and have a will. What if we were in a car accident together and died. We would want our kids to have assets, but I think the state can take if there is not a will, but not sure.

May not be abuse, but sure is control and secretive.

 

[Deleted member 29920]

I think the fact its controlling and secretive means that it is abusive. I would try and find out these questions your worried about and see what you could do to protect yourself in case anything did I happen.

 

[mamachick]

I agree. Hopefully this year we will go to make a will, and some things will be clarified then. He may just be protecting his inheritance from me and I don't care about that-that is his no matter what. (we were separated for several years during this 31 yr marriage)