When does the contract end?

[Suzetig]

I wasn't challenging whether you found it useful, your experience is that it works for you and that's fine. I was challenging the idea that "most" therapists would be comfortable writing up a suicide contract, as that's not the case at all.

 

[scout86]

The old guy had a sixth sense.

If I was in your situation, I believe I'd drop the old T a line, just to check in. And maybe even to look for suggestions on how to bring this up with the new T. It's true that you don't know how the new one is going to handle this, but there's kind of only one way to find out, right?

Your old T sounds a lot like mine. His sixth sense freaks me out now and then. And yet, the whole topic of suicide came up when one day, after I'd been seeing him for a couple months, he point blank asked "What prompted you to come and see me in the first place?" And I replied, "I was getting really tired of thinking about suicide all the time..." That freaked HIM out a little. LOL But, it also showed me something about him that was good to know and has been part of building a useful working relationship. That kind of relationship SEEMS like it might be hard to duplicate, but that very easily could just be my perception. I haven't had to do it and I think it would be hard.

My deal is I don't make threats and I wouldn't want anyone feeling any guilty, so it's not something I'm inclined to talk about. (But he did ASK. LOL) I know myself well enough to know, if I was going to do it, it would be somewhat impulsive and the method would have to be such that, once I'd set things in motion there would be no going back. Which is why I wasn't going to promise I'd call him. But it's also why it's been good to talk about this stuff ahead of time. It's had an effect on how I think about things in general, in a good way.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Ok, I am only advising how I use a suicide contract, how it helps me, and that I feel it is worth asking your new therapist about. That's it. My opinions and experience. Take it for what it's worth.

 

[FauxLiz]

A technic that I learned during inpatient was to develop a list of "Adaptive Coping Responses" this is a list of 35-40 things that you can do in a cascading order of intensity. The idea is that if the first coping technic doesn't work you have several other options already laid out to assist. I have lists for SI, self harm, isolation and several other behaviors that lead me down a dark rabbit hole. That list does include contacting my therapist if necessary. I don't know if that could help if your new T doesn't do safety contracts.

 

[EveHarrington]

Dropping an old therapist a line with an update is a FAAAAAAAAR cry from reaching out to him/her when suicidal.

Or am I just confused because the OP is clear as mud with what she’s asking?

 

[joeylittle]

So, you may wonder why the question then if I know I can contact him????
I think it is a question of what is appropriate and how do I not overstep my boundaries, etc. I also wonder if he even remembers our agreement. Something did trigger my question. I REALLY wanted to tell him what was up. But it sounds like it is a good thing I didn't????

I don't think it was a good thing or a bad thing....Just, a thing.

Wanting to tell a therapist about suicidal ideation or self-harm thoughts, that's really more of a topic for therapy. Needing crisis support/intervention, that's something that, were you to call your old therapist, they'd probably do their best to get you to the appropriate emergency services.

As has been said, not every therapist is at the same comfort level with crisis intervention. But, discussing that is often an important part of building your therapeutic relationship.

 

[Friday]

Something did trigger my question. I REALLY wanted to tell him what was up. But it sounds like it is a good thing I didn't????

I sometimes want to tell dead people something. If it’s not because it’s something THEY would (have) love(ed) to hear? I’ve found it’s because I usually miss their response, ie it’s something I would really love to hear right now. Or need to hear right now. Or would be better for hearing right now. The way they’d respond. However that would be. Being able to think of that response, though? Is very much a kind of strength. Being able to pull on the things they taught me isn’t the same as having them laugh at me, or kick my ass, or wrap me up in a giant hug, or chew me out. But it’s close.

One more, knowing I want THAT response? Tells me a lot about where I am right now. Gives me tools to use.

Just because someone isn’t here, right now... dead or alive... doesn’t mean that wanting to contact them & lay it all out is wrong, nor useless.

 

[anonymous]

Or am I just confused because the OP is clear as mud with what she’s asking?

The OP doesn't mean to be unclear. I apologize for that. The thread went farther than I had expected and the original question has gotten a bit more philisophical and the root of the question become perhaps more clear even to me. The discussion has been informative, and I think somewhat helpful, but maybe not super linear in terms of the thought process.

Wanting to tell a therapist about suicidal ideation or self-harm thoughts, that's really more of a topic for therapy.

We touched on this from a hypothetical standpoint once. The "What am I allowed to say?" type of question. I wanted to talk about something (actually not SI) but did not want him to decide I was crazy or a high risk. He brought it up on his own. He said it was okay to talk about SI as long as I didn't state a date, time, and method.

I’ve found it’s because I usually miss their response, ie it’s something I would really love to hear right now. Or need to hear right now. Or would be better for hearing right now.

I think it is possible I was needing this when I chased this rabbit down this hole.

Being able to pull on the things they taught me isn’t the same as having them laugh at me, or kick my ass, or wrap me up in a giant hug, or chew me out

No, it is not. That is for sure.

But it’s close.

One more, knowing I want THAT response? Tells me a lot about where I am right now. Gives me tools to use.

I think perhaps you are better at reading you than I am at reading me. I am not sure what response in particular I want. I just know he always has one that is comforting and it always seems to be the right one.

 

[Friday]

think perhaps you are better at reading you than I am at reading me. I am not sure what response in particular I want

It’s a learned skill. Brought on by a lot of meltdowns in the darkness, and wanting things I didn’t have.

 

[erigby]

I feel like I am very late to this conversation. As of late I only check things on the weekly PTSD topics of the week e-mail sent on Saturday.
If this is still an active conversation I would encourage you to talk to whom ever you need to to keep you safe. Old T, new T, it doesn't matter. Keep calling whomever you can when you find yourself in those holes and dark places. Forget whether it is kosher or not...just reach out and keep reaching out until someone answers. I never had a safety contract with my T. He doesn't believe they work...but I knew I could always call him...no matter what and no matter what reason I had convinced myself was silly. I am still alive. I did eventually end up in the hospital only because I knew by that point no one could keep tabs on me the way I needed...except in a controlled environment. If you are in a bad way...it doesn't matter who it is...who ever you trust in the moment is who you call. No guilt, no shame, no regrets. Your life is worth more than any of that.

 

[anonymous]

No guilt, no shame, no regrets. Your life is worth more than any of that.

Thank you, and also to everybody else who answered my post.

I guess it is a bit like @scout86 said..

My deal is I don't make threats and I wouldn't want anyone feeling any guilty, so it's not something I'm inclined to talk about.

In fact, I am so not inclined to talk about it that I am actually fairly shocked that I posted this to begin with. That being said, several other responses have made me think a great deal about things.

Is it possible you're needing to know that you're new T cares enough to want you alive, or are missing your old T saying you matter to them (I'd never forgive myself sounds like you mattered to him).

I’ve found it’s because I usually miss their response, ie it’s something I would really love to hear right now. Or need to hear right now. Or would be better for hearing right now. The way they’d respond. However that would be.

I think, though I had not considered it at the time of the original post, that these things might be majorly planing into my desire to call him. There is a bit of not being sure I belong or if people are better off without me, etc. It is not constant, and I am relatively "safe" at the moment.

My question was more about those moments when dark thoughts are impossible to shake. It is those "impulsive decisions" that @scout86 describes that can become worrisone.

In past situations, for the most part, I have found some way (sometimes by calling him just to check in) but this response by @FauxLiz was along the lines for the reason for the question.

The idea is that if the first coping technique doesn't work you have several other options already laid out to assist. I have lists for SI, self harm, isolation and several other behaviors that lead me down a dark rabbit hole. That list does include contacting my therapist if necessary. I don't know if that could help if your new T doesn't do safety contracts.

To my knowledge, my new therapist does not do safety contracts. He is a one-hour-per-week-only type of therapist. I do not trust him enough to ask at this point. I was looking for the "what if it does not work" option.

I did call the old therapist. I did not tell him exactly what I was thinking, but I did tell him that I had a difficult session and a difficult few months and I just wanted to chat because he has a way....

He offered, as @Suzetig suggested, some options for discussion topics in therapy or perhaps finding a therapist I could better connect with if things were not working out with this one.

In the end, I felt better simply for talking to him (and our convo had nothing to do with the contract). I should probably ask I guess....

 

[UnicornSightings]

OP, would you consider seeing a new therapist? If you don’t trust your current one to care, please find one that you feel as good about as your old t!