Opinions re taking a valium before a therapy session, please

[Neverthesame]

If I was having trouble disclosing and starting work on something new in therapy, I wouldn't think it a bad idea.

I would use that session to bring up what I want to start working on and coordinating with the therapist about my anxiety and what we could do in session, and for myself out of session, to manage my anxiety without the need of further benzo drugs. Using that session as more of a planning stage, instead of a working session.
So when I start working on it I'll have the confidence to go at it without as much fear of being overwhelmed, having already laid out the groundwork of safety.

 

[shimmerz]

I would wait and see if T can help you find coping strategies that are not medication centric. If those don’t work then I would look seriously at meds to help break through the block.

 

[Freida]

My T says absolutely not -- and I've asked several times. She wants me to learn to use my coping skills when I'm triggered in her office because it is a safe place to practice and she can bring me out if necessary. Plus, valium basically creates a chemical disassociation response and could interrupt the emotional processing.

If I'm disassociating too much then we need to slow down therapy - not replace it with chemicals.

I hate that answer - but ...... I see her point.

 

[barefoot]

Thanks all for offering some different perspectives on this.

The thing I want to talk about isn’t a new trauma disclosure or something like that. I want to tell her how I’ve been feeling for the last few weeks. Which probably sounds very simple and straightforward but the prospect is very daunting and stressful.

Every session, T starts by asking how I’ve been...which I think is probably her way of asking how I’ve been feeling...and I then launch into telling her what I’ve been doing. I’m not often very sure how I feel. And, even if I am, talking about my feelings - even just naming them - is very, very anxiety-making and distressing.

Engaging with my feelings is one of my biggest struggles in therapy and I think I need to try harder to start trying to feel my feelings and then express them. I thought Valium might help me to manage my feelings better. But perhaps it will actually turn into avoiding them even more.

Hmm...

 

[Freida]

Engaging with my feelings is one of my biggest struggles in therapy

LOL I think that's one of the requirements of ptsd! And I know exactly what you mean, my T is always blathering on about "feeling my feeeeeelings..."

 

[Neverthesame]

The thing I want to talk about isn’t a new trauma disclosure or something like that. I want to tell her how I’ve been feeling for the last few weeks. Which probably sounds very simple and straightforward but the prospect is very daunting and stressful.

In this specific situation, I'd avoid taking the Valium. As this would be kind of thing that such measures would probably be detrimental to.

As an aside.
While I might find what you are struggling with here easier than other aspects of my head.
That's me.

I've no doubt I struggle like mad with things you find easier. It's just who we are. Nothing wrong with that.
So long as we keep trying is what matters.
:hug:

 

[mumstheword]

Thanks all for offering some different perspectives on this.

The thing I want to talk about isn’t a...

You need to be supported to stay or get back quickly, into your "window of tolerance". traumatizing you isn't going to help rewire your brain. Do what you need to to take care of yourself. You are the ultimate expert in your own recovery.

 

[barefoot]

You need to be supported to stay or get back quickly, into your "window of tolerance".

Um...any ideas on how to do that?? :confused:

 

[mumstheword]

Um...any ideas on how to do that?? :confused:

Yes, and I certainly will do my best to communicate as much that I possibly can. Right now though, I'm in my last group therapy day of a three week trauma and dissociation inpatient program and I'm dealing with lots of stuff, but when I get back home, next week, I'll brainstorm with you on a range of tools and strategies that might help. While I've been here though, I have added valium as one thing in my "tool kit" , so to speak, so I think trying it to see if it can help, certainly is an option. My psych here, is a trauma specialist psychiatrist and she prescribed it for me, but adds it should be used very discerningly and "as a last resort".
I'm having a little challenging time stabalising, myself right now, but have learnt some very effective strategies that work for me, spill be happy to share more, when.I.get the space, time and headspace.

 

[Abstract]

Thanks all for offering some different perspectives on this.

The thing I want to talk about isn’t a new trauma disclosure or something like that. I want to tell her how I’ve been feeling for the last few weeks. Which probably sounds very simple and straightforward but the prospect is very daunting and stressfu.

Yikes. Snap. This could have been me writing your whole thread. I would add that letting someone know how I had been had all sorts of risks attached too. Vulnerability to it being used against me, old conditioning never to tell etc. Thanks for posting.

I'm assuming you have already done active work on dissociation, connecting to and understanding emotions? I found all of those a help. Unless I was in a room with a therapist. :rolleyes:

What is your biggest fear telling her? If it was written down in front of you would you be able to read it to her?

 

[Deleted member 34328]

The thing I want to talk about isn’t a new trauma disclosure

I find revisiting an older wound to be very difficult and often feels like backtracking instead of progress. Does that make sense?

Yes, I agree. Support right now is definitely a need...not a want. Thanks for posting. Even that causes vulnerability.

 

[barefoot]

@mumstheword - thanks for posting when you have such a lot going on. I hope the inpatient programme has been a positive, useful experience for you. Would very much welcome any words of wisdom - only when you are settled back home and have the capacity, so no pressure here from me!

Thanks @Abstract

I'm assuming you have already done active work on dissociation, connecting to and understanding emotions?

This probably sounds stupid, but I'm not really sure whether I have or not! In therapy, we were chipping away at dissociation (and of creating a sense of safety) for a long time, though it didn't feel that we were directly/specifically doing active work on it. But I don't think that means we weren't. If that makes sense?!

Would you be able to describe what sort of things have you done re dissociation and connecting to/understanding emotions that have helped you? And did you do them with a T or was it something you discovered and worked on on your own?

What is your biggest fear telling her?

I don't really know. I don't even know why I find talking about my feelings so hard and horrendous!

On a practical level, I guess I am afraid of badly dissociating, because I know from previous experience that the fall out from that is awful. That hasn't happened for over a year and I am just nervous about the prospect of it happening again. Also, because I think I will feel like a bit of a failure if it happened so badly again, having not had it happen for this amount of time. But Im also aware that it may not happen, so I may just be worrying about nothing!

I think I am also very afraid of getting upset in front of my T. I know she won't mind. I know Ts are used to people being upset/crying/whatever. I know she would be kind if I cried. But the thought of...not feeling contained...in front of her...feels mortifying. And, actually, there thought of me losing my containment and her then being kind...that's anxiety-making too. I don't know why, but when she is particularly kind and compassionate towards me, I actually feel quite spooked by that, which I think is probably the opposite of what she intends.

@stp2012 - Yes, even just posting this has felt very vulnerable and anxiety-making. Thanks for the encouragement!